Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

[extremesitting]

OOOh - Hope this'll do! Emergency!

OMG - I love Danni Minogue - how could I have forgotten about her? hello zirconia! I'm sorry - we should've warned you on the other thread not to go wading through all the lunacy but I'm glad you made it to the end and you're still with us. As far as symptoms go, have you tried poking your boobs with a pencil for 45 minutes upwards? I'm told that makes them hurt.

Barren and living-in-sin will do nicely around these parts. Have you booked an inappropriate holiday yet? How about camping? Camping DEMANDS R2D2 - I'm not sure if you're up there with our acronyms yet, but feel free to make some up of your own.

Hormonal, moi? Never.

OK, so I fell out with DH within five minutes of coming home, then made up with him and ate the food he served me, then kicked him out (refusing to watch football at home, so sent him to pub, which he actually seemed sad about - muppet). Now I want him at home

oooh get you ski you big career wummin! I trained as a journalist and the dreaded DM was one of the few places hiring when I graduated. So glad I didn't go for that interview (met my SFF instead that week!)

hormonal and thick. Just been looking for a post by someone called zirconia only to belatedly get it. [JD emoticon]

Hi diamond. Care to tell us which ethnic minority you belong too? We have a few gingers and a couple of real-live lezzers (not a couple, but there are two of them)

Casper SFF = Sexy Fucking Fireman? I'm sorry, I've missed that acronym. I'm going to drive myself nuts over the next week or so with increasing symptoms (real/imaginary - I fail to see how that matters) and jailbait has escaped the country and flown back to Scotland. I did find a loveletter on the bed though which was sweet. Why are you fighting with him? Is it because of his shoddy sperm?

Where is our Scorpette and why doesn't camel post anymore? I know she lurks...

I'm half ginger and from the north west. I swear I've got massive judgeypants though and am at least 2 stone heavier around my arse than I'd like to be, which will no doubt give my shit doctor an excuse to make me feel like i'm not worthy and too old and my ovaries really have shrivelled up.

Holiday booked for 2 days after RTOD due, so guaranteed to fail this month. Nothing to do with copious amount of alcohol consumed. I need more grapefruit juice wine

oh and cuntycuntycunt fook you fish and chip paper Daily Maul.

baby abandoned in a bush!!!!

It was sexy fire fighter ski. not very imaginative but, to my mind, better than OH/DH. (although I've managed to use DH above - clearly been spending too much time on the more traditional threads, need to build up a few more palace hours). Fancy a Top up?

Silly row over housework - basically my manic obsessiveness and him "never getting it right". He told me to fuck off. So I did - upstairs to do housework, and by the time I came back down dinner was ready. So, nothing big really - just big reactions we're both feeling it. He's been a bit under the weather and I've had a couple of doses of bad family news + PMT (or PG hormones, I hope!)

Nuff of that. A love letter!? So jealous. Our relationship started long distance and we each have a stash of letters from the first few years. I miss them now that we see each other almost every day.

Will you be testing while jailbait is away? Could be great for him to come home to good news.

Come back others!

fishandchippaper aaarrghhhh i'm working in the dark down this pit you know! I'll get the hang of it.

I'm going straight in with a TTC question here, please feel free to inflict on me what you wish, but have any of you tried any of these tests you can buy for fsh/menopause/home fertility etc? Are they a waste of my well earned dosh?

kinell an incomer! who left the door open again ski?

Welcome zircon. Don't stay still too long or I might pack you.

In answer to your question, no fuckin idea. I'm not taking this TTC thing at all seriously. The DM have decreed that I am out of the running for any liveborn so I'll throw the whole thing over to Mother Nature and she can do what she likes with it.

Now, who stole the bubble wrap? Fess it bitches.

I'm here, BESHes! Crampy but fabulous!

Welcome Diamond! How did you get past the crocodile-infested moat? I want to know how you're half ginger - do the collars match the cuffs? Prepare to abandon all dignity and sanity - if you had any left/to start with, that is. As for stuff you can obsess even further about try at home, I have tried Preseed (the spunkfriendly lube) and it was all good. Got it off eBay with free cheapo OPK (ovulation tests) which also seem to work. But here at the Gin Palace, we prefer to get our blokes to do all the weeing on stuff for us and we just draw the results we want on with red biro or felt tip Then I personally like to eat like a pig and declare the resulting mega-gut to be the first signs of a baby-bulge. Does that help?

ski& and cosmo* - together you might make two women of the perfect weight: would TTC in the same room work? And can we see the resulting film?

Curly - TYF can't do the housework just right for my exacting standards either. The difference is, I loathe to do any at all and then just moan at him about his efforts. Does this make me a) a cow? b) a cow? or c) a cow?

Oooh a new person! Are you by any chance one of our absconders in disguise You sound suitably barren and ancient to me so get yourself a drink

Ah, fresh meat! Hello diamond welcome to the madhouse.

Well - serious bit - the boyf had his mid week wank-in-a-pot. Nothing really to report. Didn't bump into my friend, was shown into a room & left to get on with it. Told to leave the sample in a box afterwards, to save the embarrassement of handing it over, results should be with GP in a week. He was quite disappointed that the room had no subdued lighting and bam-chicka-wow-wow music. But there were plenty of magazines, catering for all tastes from big jugs to gay porn. As it was in the fertility clinic there was a woman in the waiting room in her dressing gown. The boyf wondered if she was added entertainment, but it appears not.

So nothing for TGO to fear cosmo

Weight-sch-weight, pass me a pizza & Double Decker (from the person who was asked to leave slimming club). At least my Nana told me last night I was looking slim. Good old Nana!

scorps lol @ "having sex in the same room" - yes, my fat will balance out Cosmo's bones and we'll have a BABYPASS! I'm also ashamed to admit I'm the same with jailbait. He does all the housework and then I have to bite my tongue so as not to say "there's a clumb of dog hair under the stairs, it's been there 3 weeks now" because I know he tries.

diamond I never managed to get the OPK kits to work. 32 fucking euros and not one single positive. Stoopid wee.

donttry and nocoffee threw off their barren shackles and joined antenatal threads. I think they were probably lying about their ages so they could hang out with the cool kids, i.e., us!

longwee/diamond holidays mean you'll get R2D2 and spend your holiday in giant pants - see cunty for further details for she is the master of the Holy Badly Timed R2D2.

laurielou how can you get asked to leave a slimming club?

Faint tinges of red in the knicker dept this morning. And cramps.

What's that coming over the hill? Its that fucking evil scarlett droid

God help my work mates today [flounce]

Noooo - I can't be getting R2D2 while I'm away - I'm due to be ovulating and it'll be my birthday and I'll be on holiday - surely that's a good enough combination for the updiff gods?

Or have I just spoiled it all by saying it...?

Oh curly I'm so sorry about your babyfail - it's not you, it's your colleagues. And to answer your question from last night - I will test if needs be whilst he's away and if I am, then I'll tell him on the phone. Reason being - when I was pg before and it all went wrong I had nobody to talk to - his mum's had three (had problems conceiving the first one) and was a nurse... That aside, I've never met her and I don't really want the first time to be "hello, I'm ski and yes, I'm 7 months pregnant!"

ski I had an argument about going on holiday & they wanted me to pay for the missed classes. (To be honest after losing my initial 2 stone I was fannying around losing a few pounds, putting them back on). All pretty boring really, but not fitting behaviour for an old church hall full of overweight old dears! So I became the Queen of Flounces & stomped out. To the nearest chippy & off license!!

Funny thing is - I've been much happier, much more relaxed about food & haven't gained an ounce!

Oh crap, just having a bit of a mind fuck - thread is called mid thirties. At 37 Am I classed as mid or late? Sorry, but I refuse to think about a late 30's TTC thread. Denial? Why the hell not, I seem to excel at that!

How does "fucking ancient" sit with you luv? Don't worry, Scorpette and diamond are fucking ancient too.

Am briefly delurking to say yes, am here and inviting all and sundry (hello, zirconia, amazing how quickly the BESH change the nicknames in this part of the world). Have been going a bit weird recently, so trying to calm down, which means more lurking amusement and less posting.

Scorp Re: Molesworth - whenever I see anyone type b**ydust, I immediately envisage them as 'a weed like fotherington thomas who skip along saying hello clouds hello sky he is a gurl chiz chiz'.

Morning all. Welcome Zircs cheers for the round.

I think I'll start this morning off with a bloody mary, that's got tomato juice in, so it's suitable for breakfast, right?

Pina colada for me - getting some fruit intake and trying to get a brighter view on life.

Call me crazy, but I'm [la la la la] refusing to admit/hear/say/tolerate the word babyfail till the droid is fully present in my pants. Please, just a few more hours of 2woofl indulgence??

Hi camel hope you're not to wierd. Nice of you to pop in. Can I offer you a carry-out? I've got a brown paper bag somewhere...

too wierd, that is {JD}

hey BESH's what a wonderful bright sunny fabulous morning! (I'm trying to be more positive today after climbing from the pit of angst overnight). curly I know hugs not allowed here, so tiny pinch to top of your arm should do the trick. laurie I'm intrigued by your tale of wank-in-a-pot, as Ive been a bit worried about how I tell my GF he might well have to do the deed himself shortly, he'll be well up for it I bet! Longwee I'm real, no disguise I promise, although I do have a catwoman outfit Scorpette thanks for the advice, i have now stocked up and red, blue and green biros ready for gettin gmy hopes upimpending babyfail.

cheers for the bloody mary cosmosis

ski fucking ancient sits well, thanks!

Mini disaster - just broken my trouser zip. Now do I yank it up & hope I don't need a wee for the rest of the day, or leave it down, pee freely & flash my knickers to the office?