Mid 30's TTC--Gin Palace Two: Spawn of the BESH

[SarahAbroad]

Hey all...

Hope this thread name is okay...just moved the Gin Palace around the corner before we ran out of space!

See you soon. The bar's open!

'Imaginary friends?' - you're giving me a metaphysical crisis, longwee

Ladies, tell me - am I being slightly too OTT to use an ovulation test even though it's only the first month of TTC and I can tell when I'm ovulating anyway?

I have had my judgeypants permanently welded to my legs after watching a show last night on BBC3 called 'Baby Beauty Queens', about mums pushing their daughters to participate in the UK's first proper US-stylee paedo-parade kids' beauty pageant. Ok, so one mum was v poor and wanted her daughter to do it because she had been premature,and her DD was bullied and struggled at school and was v timid, etc., but Sheesh, the other 2 mums featured made me so mad I thought my ovaries were going to turn into laser cannons that shot them dead through the TV. It had to be seen to be believed. Might get letter off Landlord telling me about complaints from other residents hearing me yelling at tv

ski am keeping everything except my legs crossed for you. BFP! BFP! ZWANGER! ZWANGER!

ski I have my fingers crossed for you.

I honestly think I'm going insane with all this baby making crap stuff.

I'm on CD 27 of a possible 32/33 day cycle. I'm scared if I'm not PG (would be first RTOD since turning 37, don't know why that should be any worse, but it is), & shit scared if I am PG (currently feeling moody, nauseous & my norks looked HUGE yesterday).

I like to be in control & organised - 2 traits which do not fit into the TTC mallarkey in any way shape or form.

In a bizarre way I think I'd even feel better if blood test results came back & they said I have no chance of conceiving, ever ever. At least I'd know.

But oh, no reason to gorge on lasagne & tiramisu.

No need to respond, just ramblings of a mad woman

Scorpette Thank you, the thought that you are shagging randoms makes me happy. I took a bus on monday and there weren't any randoms I wanted to shag.

donttry I've been reading that thread and think people are talking about me until I remember I don't actually have a child/landrover/brother.

I might go out and buy a piss-stick this lunchtime, I just don't know what to do. bah.

This 2WW is just stupid - as donttry said, you've only got 12 hours to get it right - at our age, about 45 minutes no doubt. I really do think the OPK kits just lead to extra stress... I mean isn't it something daft like by the time you get the +ve you've missed your window anyway? 30 euros for BabyFail.

Home truths thread?

ski Randoms? You been reading my thing about the heinous teen chav mum?*

Am agreeing with everyone re: super-shagging all through Ov. I like me some hot sex, but I can't be arsed with doing it 24-7. Why can't it be like when we were first going out and doing it 3 times a night, every night?

• Just clarifying in case other BESHes think I'm sleeping about! Which I'm not.

Scorpette I did indeed - we all went over there for a peer haha. Love it - and it's been a constant source of amusement in our house since. OH suggested buying some condoms last night being as he's NOT a random and we feel we're at that stage in our relationship where we can talk about contraception.

That type of shaggin would explain why people get pregnant in the first month of their relationships. In real grown-up relationships it becomes acceptable to growl "don't fucking touch me, it's too hot and I can't be arsed with you pawing all over me when I've got an early start".

ski I am stockpiling WKD and fags in case they help with TTC Also, perhaps having one of those really tight chav ponytails diverts bloodflow from the head to the ovaries?

I'm not keen on morning sex - I find it impossible to climax if I've not eaten a massive breakfast. And I'm an insomniac who likes to lie in so my idea of 'morning' is about 2 hours later than TYF's. However, have promised him as much morning glory as he likes so long as he knocks me up ASAP. He's not a big pawer, thankfully (is shy and a bit too gentlemanly at times! Not once he gets going, mind ).

At the start of things, you never think you'll get to that stage where you go 'Shall we?' 'Nah, I've got trapped wind and that thing I wanted to watch is on in 10 mins', do you?

Aaaaahhhh........... sigh...........

Just had an ovary plumping boost, our lovely work maintenance engineer popped into the office.

All grubby & workman-like & fertile (2, get that 2 kids).

Y'alright trig? You sound like you need a drink

scorpette I'm not a morning person either. The boyf is...... as long as he's quiet & doesn't wake me up he can go for gold .

I've told him to leave me alone and go and see the dogs - the big one is always giving him the eye and I swear she thinks he's her boyfriend!

Cat Women I've read a lot over the last few days that cats will pull a Fleming's response or follow you around if you're updiffed. Any of you noticed this yet? As I've mentioned, my bloody dogs barely look at me - it's all him, him, him.

If a cat followed me around it would have my boot up its arse - they make me sneeze & wheeze.

Chaos seems to follow me round - does that count?

I'm a nutter magnet - does this also count? And if so, would more or fewer nutters indicate pregnification?

Scorpette nutters can spot me at 500 yards! The run-ins I've had with nutters over the years my god! Particularly in bars - there only needs to be one, but they'll find me. All the better if they're a raging alcoholic or smack-head, they'll make a beeline for me - frequently punching me! For real! I just seem to give off these vibes which make people physically attack me - which actually is quite scary and sad. Hence I prefer home time these days.

Reason to be pregnant #5002:
I'm going camping for a week on saturday - what are the bets that the toilet block is 500 yards from our tent?

Haha love the idea of a line of nutters wandering after you as a symptom of pregnancy. Not one I've heard (or had) before...

Ewww, camping and periods. Not pleasant bedfellows, as it were

Mooncups are the best invention EVER. I love mine. Having a new thing has made this RTOD bearable.

laurielou--I'm postive Jane Austen books always imply a bit of rough, even if she's not explicit. Your sweaty fertile maintenance man definitely gave you a JA moment...never fear!

longwee--you can now buy the Mooncup in Boots. Every month I think about it and then decide it would be negative thinking and that I should assume I'll be updiffed....

ski--had RTOD at Glastonbury and it wasn't that bad. Just take baby wipes or Wet Ones (or whatever they call them in the Netherlands). Have a great trip!

Ski, it's not just you, my dog only has eyes for DH (gay dog)

All - mooncup - are you fucking kidding me? That's a CUP OF BLOOD? That you wash out in the ladies at work and then go and reinsert? I repeat, are you fucking kidding me?

And seriously, WHY? WHY? Please explain. It had better be good or I'm leaving the Goth Palace.

longwee I bought my mooncup online about 100 years ago direct from the website and bought the "small" size for 20-something chuffs. Earlier last year we parted company because my ancient chuff no longer fitted and I decided I would buy the bigger size post-partum. Since then I've spent approximately 500 euros on tampons. Back then P&P was included in the price to anywhere in the world. It should confuse the fuck out of the locals where you are - so that's got to be worth a laugh!

Lyra The beauty is that they only need emptying twice a day, both in the comfort of your own bathroom. (See the Gin Palace part I for a terrifying story of slipping on the bathroom floor carrying a full mooncup + white tiles incident)

Lyra I wouldn't so fucking much except the oldest one is EIGHT and he's only been living there just over ONE year of her life! .

lyra I'm with you on the mooncup - I don't fancy it at all.

Of course, its not based on anything other than I have this image of a mug type thing shoved up your fango - & a large one at that if you only have to change twice a day.

But then I also resisted having ears pierced for ages when I heard they used a gun. I thought they stood on the other side of the room & fired the ear-ring at you (I was only about 10).

Maybe my sister would like a mooncup - took ages for her to be persuaded to use tampax as she said it made you go mad (she'd read too much about toxic shock). Is a mooncup an inappropriate Christmas present? Dad wouldn't have a clue what it was - he thought a box of brightly coloured tampons was a bix of party poppers.

Anyway, enough of my crazy family (its wrong of me to consider carrying on the family line, isn't it?).

Oh, my parents also have a gay cat - he fancies my dad in his dressing gown.

Oh god, different sized mooncups? I can only imagine the instructions...

Small - 0-5 partners, experience of unimpressive dick size and infrequent shagging and/or dedicated kegel exerciser

Medium - 5-15 partners, experience of lots of drunk rogering with well hung stallions in younger party days

Bucket fanny - for those who stopped counting at 20 and BESH-crazed humping has now stretched fanjo beyond all elasticity and reason