9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

Jumping on here too :(

October is my 5th month since coming off the mini pill in May; we haven't used any form of protection since.

Since last month I've been generally feeling a bit worried and down about it, it just seems like everyone else I know has got pregnant really fast. 3 of my friends have had babies in the past year, and one of those is even pregnant with her 2nd already.

A couple of people I know have had miscarriages/repeated miscarriages, which I obviously sympathise massively with them for, but at the same time, in the back of my mind I'm also thinking "X has been pregnant 3 times in the past year...". Whereas I'm conscious that I'm approaching the 6 month mark with no hint of anything at all.

I completely agree with @FlyOnTheWall89 that a lot of our upset and stress comes from unrealistic expectations being drummed into us from early on - you miss a pill, you're pregnant; don't use a condom, you're pregnant; you can even get pregnant on your period so don't think you can't!! So much exaggerated info about how easy it is to accidentally get pregnant when you don't want to, but little about how actually there is only about a 20% chance each month and on average it takes a year.

I am working to lower my BMI in the hopes that will make a difference, but even that feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth as I see so many people much bigger than myself getting pregnant too.

BritInNZ aww I didn't realise you can't get them in NZ - I've passed mine on to a friend who is struggling to conceive, otherwise I would have shipped mine off to you! Even just have a read at Jean Twenge's book though, I found it helped me to keep a positive frame of mind, especially when AF would arrive and I'd be feeling really downhearted

@mamaca ah that's so kind of you. I just looked on Amazon and the monitor and a pack of sticks is $300 - which is about £150. Does that sound about right? Or is that extortionate? 😂

Also find fertile week (this week!) so tough as I'm conscious of making DP feel like a piece of meat and taking all romance out of it, which I know I did last month LOL.

I just feel like because he's not doing the tracking and testing etc doesn't really think too much about it, plus quite honestly he just doesn't get that the window for success is so small. I have mentioned bits and pieces but I know it's gone in one ear and out the other - especially as he already has 2 children who I believe were conceived very quickly. So he'll be wanting to do err...other stuff??..during fertile week, as we normally would, whereas I am so conscious we need to be having full sex, but equally feel like I can't keep pushing him all the time.

I also got some Pre-Seed but am even struggling to use that because it's so off-putting to do the whole syringe thing! Can't bring myself to do it in front of DP. Have tried to use it as a normal lube but accidentally used too much and it stopped us in our tracks.

It's very difficult to try and carry on in any kind of natural way during those days isn't it?

@LittleMysSister top tip! Pop the preseed in in the bathroom before you start DTD. I never did it in front of DH because ye it is possibly a mood killer 😂.

[quote FlyOnTheWall89]@LittleMysSister top tip! Pop the preseed in in the bathroom before you start DTD. I never did it in front of DH because ye it is possibly a mood killer 😂.[/quote]
So I managed to get some in yesterday before approaching him, on the sly 😂 But it says to put it in up to 15 mins before and tbh without leaving the room to do it when things have already started, I can never really know he'll be up for it, you know?

Wish you could use it afterwards, that would be perfect!

@BritInNZ I think I paid around £80 for mine - I had read all the reviews on Amazon beforehand cos I had been using clear blue opks and couldn't really see what difference the fertility monitor would make - in my mind it just seemed like a really expensive opk! Which i suppose it is, but I wanted to give it a shot and luckily it worked. We lost the first pregnancy that we conceived through using the fertility monitor, but fell pregnant again the following month (again, using the monitor) which resulted in our DC2. It's so hard going through infertility, and as someone had mentioned previously, I don't think you can understand how difficult it is if you haven't been through it. Be kind to yourself!

@mamaca ah thank you! I just found one of eBay that can be shipped to NZ so bought that with two packs of sticks. Here's hoping I don't get pregnant this month and waste £150 😂 not that I'd mind really, it would mean I have it for when we have the next one - if we ever get there!

@LittleMysSister I know what you mean with pre-seed! I do it in the bathroom, not in front of him. But then I did it last night and he wasn't interested in sex so it was a bit of a waste 😂

[quote BritInNZ]@LittleMysSister I know what you mean with pre-seed! I do it in the bathroom, not in front of him. But then I did it last night and he wasn't interested in sex so it was a bit of a waste 😂[/quote]
Exactly!! I also worry I'll put it in on the sly and then he'll be like ".....wtf is all this?!"

Luckily he didn't notice yesterday LOL but I only used a small amount 😂 God only knows what he'd think if I actually used the amount they recommend.

@BritInNZ yay! Hope it works for you too, wishing you all the best with it 😊

These are great tips about preseed, I've had the same issue, didn't occur to me to just do it in advance.

That's cycle 7 definitely done for me and I want I try something new so I'm case anyone is interested I am going to give soy iso a go this cycle. There's lots of info on it online but this is really encouraging: community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a12154345/bfps-with-soy-isoflavones?page=3

Hi everyone, I know I’m super late to the ‘party’ but can I join too? Started in Feb and so far nothing. Tomorrow is my birthday and the day AF due so that’s obvs totally ideal 😂. I’m 34 and husband is 35 and both fit and healthy but so far nada (although I have been feeling mildly nauseous since Thursday and burping a lot but boobs totally normal and not tired so v unlikely) x

@Carla2601 welcome! I started TTC in February too - first couple of months more 'trying but not trying' and then moved onto tracking things pretty quickly 😂 I ovulated either yesterday or I'm about to today. Fingers crossed for us this month!

@Carla2601 welcome! Also happy birthday for tomorrow, I hope you can enjoy it regardless of the outcome. I've been trying since March and my birthday is next month, I'll be 35 and really thought I would be pregnant by then 😭. I've got one more shot. But going to try to enjoy it either way x

Hi all,

Wondering how you are all feeling? I am 8/9DPO at the moment and not feeling very positive - zero symptoms.

It is so hard to stay level-headered rn.

Just found out a friend who had been trying for 8months and had fertility appointments booked conceived the week before her appointments. Hope this gives some of you hope xxx

Hey @FlyOnTheWall89

I got my static smiley yesterday so I guess today is ovulation day for me? Not sure if we'll manage to DTD today though. Tbh I am wishing the time away as I find it so stressful to keep trying to plot when we need to have sex and how I can lure my DP into without making it too clinical.

I have been trying inserting my menstrual cup (slathered in pre-seed 😂) after sex the last few times, though not sure if it would ever make any difference - no harm though I guess.

Sorry TMI (!) - I just always feel concerned that so much of the semen seems to leak out literally immediately. Like sometimes, before I've even moved? Makes me worry it's not going in far enough in the first place :-/ So I'm hoping the menstrual cup at least halts some of that.

Don't worry about lack of symptoms, lots of people don't have any :) Doesn't mean you are out for the month x

@LittleMysSister Interesting - so sort of your own version of a Fert-iliy. Yes I used pre-seed for the first time this month. Yes, trying not to worry or over analyse .... I cant believe how many people get book pain pre-period ! I never have any and obvs it is also a big pregnancy sign. I only joined this forum about 3 weeks ago and it has bee wildly insightful... and informative and confusing and reassuring all in one. xx

@FlyOnTheWall89 Yeah I have just seen a few articles saying women have been using menstrual cups to aid conception, so as I had one anyway I thought why not give it a try?

Pre-seed is another thing I struggle with! Managed to sneak some in yesterday before DTD but it was too much...almost foiled the whole thing as it pretty much created a water slide for DP 😂 Even though I only used a small amount?! It's potent.

I agree re the symptoms, I have been on the pill for years up until May so I haven't really experienced any pre-period symptoms for so long, it all feels very confusing now as I feel like my body is waking up again. I haven't had any breast pain so far but my last period was back up to 7 days as opposed to 4 days for my first few cycles off the pill, so I definitely think hormones are still adjusting.

Just hoping this explains why I'm not pregnant after almost 5 months of unprotected sex .

@LittleMysSister I took my last pills Dec 20 and we were careful (ish) until April ish so I think we are 6 cycles in (and we have properly made sure to cover the fertile window extensively each time). I got back into very regular periods but like you, had been on the pills for many many years with a short spell on the coil (which I hated). Keeping my fingers crossed for you. If nothing this month, I am going to book some tests :-(.

@FlyOnTheWall89 I am the same, my periods came back regularly straight away after stopping the pill, although I did note that they were shorter than I remembered from before but thought it may just be my age as last time I was pill-free I was about 25 and now am 33.

But tbh the last few months I was on the (mini) pill I was having a bleed every month anyway so I feel like regular periods isn't really any kind of indicator for me as to whether things are working properly.

I dunno what to do re the tests, I know you are meant to be TTC a year before worrying but I am also concerned that they say 6 months after 35, which makes me think actually do most people conceive within 6 months then??

@kmbegs thank you for saying that! Sounds like we’re in a similar position so lovely to be able to chat. I got AF this morning which was even more annoying as I’d been nauseous all weekend so I’d dared to have a bit of hope! On the plus side now I’m old I can book a doctors appointment so I’ve done that for next Tuesday.

@BritInNZ ah a TTC twin - v nice to meet you! Fingers crossed for us both as you say. I’m on day one today so I’m behind you, rooting for you, keep me posted!

Thanks for welcoming me everyone I feel a bit less crappy about the fact I got my bloody period for my birthday. Epic life fail!!! You’ve got to try and laugh haven’t you 🙈 x

Well that's my fertile week done! We did the best we could so now we wait. We actually only used pre seed twice, it's just hard to incorporate when you're in the moment haha. I've had terrible nausea with this ovulation, which I've never had before. Does anyone else get this? Had the usual ovulation pains but the nausea is new! Hopefully it's just this cycle!

Anyone else now in the TWW? I'm never particularly positive, had too many BFNs but guess there's always a glimmer of hope somewhere in me.

@Carla2601 happy birthday! I'm sorry you got AF but I hope you managed to have a great time anyway. Good luck with the doctors, let us know what they say. Are you in the UK?

@BritInNZ tell me more about the pre seed?! Do I need this in my life? Sounds complicated but rn I’m here for ANYTHING haha!

@kmbegs TYSM, I made it through the day and managed not to cry when three men at work told me I was old! Although OH got a flood of tears when I got home but we went out for fish and chips so things are looking up! Yep I’m in the UK in London what about you?