9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

How's everyone doing? I had a few days of not feeling too bad but seen several pregnancy announcements recently which have really got to me. Can't help feeling it's unfair when people who are really unhealthy and overweight fall pregnant so quickly then there's me working out and taking so many vitamins I'm surprised I don't rattle when I walk but can't even get a hint of a BFP! I know it's not that straight forward but it still hurts. Even people who are onto announcing their second child, I think 'what I'd give to even have one!' 😔

Ovulation is this weekend so I need to snap out of this to try and get in the mood! But not going to pressure myself too much this month as I already feel quite drained.

Hi ladies, I realise this chat started a few weeks ago but can I join? I'm in a similar situation to lots of you, TTC number 1, Cycle 11. I'm 30, husband 28. I have no known health issues, husband is naturally underweight with coeliac disease but we've no great reason to think that should be a big problem.

I've fairly accurately tracked all cycles through BBT and OPKs and know that I've ovulated every month and we've timed sex well, so tbh I'm feeling like we might have quite a 'journey' ahead of us.

I'm just psyching myself up for phoning GP for an initial chat with us both and hoping they will be able to get some basic tests done. How have those of you who've discussed with GP found it? I'm not sure what the process is/how long it will be to get tests, but hey ho.

The only thing keeping me sane atm is that I've just got myself an allotment which is something really exciting and valuable to me non baby related! And tbh the type of thing that would be trickier to manage in late pregnancy/with a newborn so it's my sort of insurance happiness - either I get pregnant (yay) or it takes a while but I can have an awesome plot (also yay, but also a bit of sadness).

@Aubyone

Hi ladies, I realise this chat started a few weeks ago but can I join? I'm in a similar situation to lots of you, TTC number 1, Cycle 11. I'm 30, husband 28. I have no known health issues, husband is naturally underweight with coeliac disease but we've no great reason to think that should be a big problem.

I've fairly accurately tracked all cycles through BBT and OPKs and know that I've ovulated every month and we've timed sex well, so tbh I'm feeling like we might have quite a 'journey' ahead of us.

I'm just psyching myself up for phoning GP for an initial chat with us both and hoping they will be able to get some basic tests done. How have those of you who've discussed with GP found it? I'm not sure what the process is/how long it will be to get tests, but hey ho.

The only thing keeping me sane atm is that I've just got myself an allotment which is something really exciting and valuable to me non baby related! And tbh the type of thing that would be trickier to manage in late pregnancy/with a newborn so it's my sort of insurance happiness - either I get pregnant (yay) or it takes a while but I can have an awesome plot (also yay, but also a bit of sadness).

How have those of you who've discussed with GP found it?

Honestly, they are a bit useless but you can get the info you need if you time the 'Day 21' blood tests correctly and ask them to email you the results.

Make sure they test your thyroid too.

And do your own research about optimal levels.

I would actually recommend getting thriva blood tests too as they are much more sensitive and they offer a more comprensive thyroid panel. Then you can compare and contrast!

And Vitamin D! Should be comfortably over 50 nmol/L (20 ng/mL)

@Pinkprawns Thank you! I've actually done several Thriva tests over the years (out of general health interest/nothing to do with TTC) and know that my thyroid levels etc are fine - managed to convince DH to do one and was very shocked to see his testosterone came back as 'too high' (he certainly doesn't have the physical or emotional attributes you might usually expect from high testosterone!) and he's had plenty of other bloodwork including thyroid issues as part of his coealiac diagnoses. I agree that Thriva gives some great info and I love knowing exactly how everything is ticking!

I bit the bullet and phoned GP and after first being told they were just not giving out any appointments for anything non urgent 'for the foreseeable future' , as I was on the phone a cancellation cam in and so we have a phone appointment at 5pm! Not expecting much from it, but perhaps it might get the ball rolling. Fingers crossed!

Welcome @Aubyone. How did your GP appointment go? I haven't seen my Dr yet but paid to see a fertility specialist privately who told me all blood work was fine... unfortunately I didn't actually have the results shared with me in full but I think I might obsess over them if I did!

I'm 29 and have been TTC for 9 months now. This month I'm trying pre-seed and evening primrose oil. But not feeling very hopeful and quite down this month! Think work being quiet doesn't help as it leaves more room to overthink.

@BritInNZ Hello! So we had the phone appointment at 5pm - it turned out to be a locum GP from another surgery and it wasn't great, but it's hopefully getting us started. He just kept going on about how 'thinking about it too much is often the biggest problem' which made me really angry and upset afterwards. However, he did agree to refer me for blood tests but it's unclear how I go about actually getting them. He kept saying how waiting was best as 80% conceive after 1 year and 90% after 2 years, as if this extra 10% was going to give me enough hope to just go away and come back in a year. Sorry for the rant, the whole thing really irked me - I'm aware lots of people are muuuuch further along than us, but he spoke to me like I was a 5 year old, and I absolute detest the advice to just relax and it will happen. He backtracked a bit when I said that actually the last 12months have been the least stressful of my life (yes, I am a bit worried about TTC but other major changes have significantly improved my life so much so I've managed to come off medication for the first time in 8 years). So essentially being told I was adding to our 'problem' by worrying about REALLY peed me off.

Anyway, I hope that when I next speak to a GP it will be from my actual surgery and I'm going to make sure I see a woman.

Husband is phoning to try and get referall for Semen Analysis, so hopefully we'll have some more info and test results under our belts by Xmas!

Good luck with the EPO and Pre-seed - I tried Pre-seed but we didn't like the feel, we don't usually use lube so it was weird! I totally understand with feeling down particularly when work is slow, I've had that!

@Aubyone that's sounds really awful, so sorry to hear you have been left feeling more anxious and stressed than before! Someone else said on this thread that people get pregnant in war zones etc, so surely stress can't be that impactful. That stuck with me as I think the only stress I have is not being able to fall pregnant, so I doubt I'm stressed enough to not actually get pregnant!

Also people saying to relax is the MOST unhelpful thing ever. When you've been trying for a while it's hard not to worry and be anxious.

I hope you manage to sort the tests and they get done pretty quickly. I have my next fertility appointment in January which feels like a lifetime away. I'm hoping we won't need the appointment but it's not feeling likely to be honest at this stage.

I hope you feel better soon and there's some people you can talk to who understand? Not all doctors are as rubbish as yours - our fertility specialist was really good in helping put my mind at ease (even though it was only temporary as I'm back to worrying now haha)

@BritInNZ thank you so much - I've calmed down since writing that this morning, I suspect he was just rattling through a proforma of bland things to say, and I'm sure as you say specialists if I have to see them in the future will be far better! I feel more positive now, as phoned GP and have my blood tests scheduled in for this Friday, so that's great :)

January must feel like a while away, but I guess it also means 3-4 more cycles where it might happen. Fingers crossed for you and everyone on this thread.

CD1 tomorrow I am almost certain, I'm practically salivating for red wine so that's always a way to cheer me up (generally try not to drink in TWW in part so that it tastes so much sweeter on CD1 when I'm otherwise grumpy!)

xxx

@Aubyone great news that you've got your bloods sorted! Fingers crossed everything is okay and it puts your mind at ease.

Yes I'm glad you said that, it's helped heaps! Was in the gym earlier like 'yes, let's go for it the next few months and cancel that specialist appointment!' 😂

Maybe I need to do that so I'm less miserable when AF arrives! I entered fertile window today so it's going to be a big few days for us 😂 showed hubby pre-seed last night and he's baffled and thinks I'm wasting money but will give it a go 😂

@BritInNZ Enjoy the fertile week! At least thats the best time of the cycle, although tbh it's getting less fun for us each month...We happen to be on a weekend holiday for our next one which is good because things are always more relaxed and fun on holiday!

I ended up going down a rabbit hole of researching about IVF etc yesterday - how it works, costs etc which could have been a bad idea but actually it's made me feel better, knowing what the process is if we do need it.

I was trying to explain to my husband yesterday that the thing that really gets to me is that uncertainty - if I knew it would take another, say 6 months to get pregnant I would be completely fine with that and just get on with my life. But its the having no idea when and if, that changes everything. I am usually such a planner but this is obviously something I can't project manage! Really beginning to affect my job/career decisions at the moment, and so hard to plan around possibilities

@Aubyone I feel this soooo much! I'm lucky enough to already have a child and keep thinking - at what point do I need to just accept that I will only have one child? I know how lucky I am to have her and I don't want to waste years not focusing on that. But I would also love another child and can't give up on that. Like you say, if we just knew how long it would take, we could make peace with that. It's the uncertainty that's crippling. That's cycle 7 just failed for me. I'm getting desperate. Any tips on what I could do this cycle? I am thinking supplements as haven't tried that route yet (beyond prenatals). Love to everyone x

@kmbegs once you get over the six month mark it gets hard! So I feel this. I don't really know what additional supplements you could take because I take a few and I'm not pregnant yet, so clearly they don't work 😂 also at the similar stage of wanting to try anything! We're trying pre-seed this month, but I'm not full of hope!

@Aubyone yes I wish fertile week was as fun as it used to be! Now I'm more like 'get it done' 😂 I was more hopeful last month as we were away for my fertile period and we actually had fun TTC but clearly that didn't work either!

@kmbegs Ohh I think (and hope) you are a long way off having to give up hope on what you want, I am sure it will happen for you (although I know fully that's its hard to believe that when it feels like its been ages already!). Anecdotally several of my friends found it very easy to conceive number 1 and then really struggled emotionally when it didn't happen as quickly for No2, but then did conceive within months 6-12. The fact you've conceived once is a very positive sign - good luck! No particular advice on vitamins other than I think anything more than prenatals depends on so many different things (diet, any cycle irregularities, your health/needs etc). I take a variety of stuff - Pregnacare prenatal, but also B6 and VitC (because I had a short luteal phase and it does seem to have lengthened it) and extra VitD because I know I have a deficiency in that. I would be careful basing your supplements on anyone else from the internet though! I've just realised that I'm taking way too much B6 which can be harmful in the long run, so be careful! Good luck!

I don't know quite what's happening with me - had a strange cycle, I track with basal body temps but for the first month ever I couldn't quite work out ovulation day - AF has not quite arrived yet, so I'm still technically in the luteal phase, but this means I definitely ovulated later than I thought and we mistimed sex so there is basically a 0% chance I'm pregnant. If AF doesn't;t arrive today I think I'm gonna have to cancel my blood tests tomorrow because I think they need to be within CD2 -5 (not that anyone actually tells you this, just from internet searching so I might be wrong!). @BritInNZ did you have to have your blood taken on particular cycle days?

@Aubyone I did! But I only have CD21 blood test and AMH which can be done on any cycle day. Assuming you're having a CD3 one?

Anyone else get really annoyed when their partner isn't up for DTD in fertile week? DH wasn't up for it last night and it gets to me so much, although I know I shouldn't be putting pressure on it!

Hi all,
I've been following this post as in a very similar position.
Just hoping for some positive ideas as I'm now at 8 months TTC and losing hope. We lost a baby at 7 weeks in June then nothing since. I'm due my period on Saturday and as I already feel bloated I have no hope that I will be pregnant.
I've tried to follow some of the suggestions on here but I don't understand what most them are to be honest. So any help so I can feel a bit more positive and in control would be greatly appreciated.
Sending lots of love to all those in a similar position. I think unless you've gone through it/going through it you really don't get how emotionally painful it is to not get pregnant.

@Aubyone thanks for the message - you're right, who knows if it will happen for me but this is only cycle 8 now, it's not the end of the world. Going to buy the 'it starts with an egg' book and focus on supplements this month. I get acupuncture with a fertility specialist so she said she'll help me with supplements too. So at least that feels positive. Sorry to hear about your strange cycle, that's happened to me and it really throws me. Im doing bloods this month and I've to do them cycle day 2 or 3 so you should check to make sure.

@BritInNZ that has happened to me and it is SO ANNOYING! Especially when, for me, it's not like I really feel like it either but you need to do it! It's so hard. Like you say you don't want to put pressure on it. But it's a pressured situation.

@Brunette1989 I'm so sorry about your loss, that's terrible. Sending love x

@Brunette1989 pm me if you want any support

@kmbegs yes! I'd been out for a work thing and I've been so tired all week but I suck it up and get on with it as it needs to be done. But my husband just turns the light off and goes to sleep 😩😂 he's not escaping me this weekend!

Hi everyone, I came across this chat and thought I would join if possible. We have been trying for 8 months and its not happening :(
Its really disheartening and has you questionning and wishing all the time. Every month is a whirlwind of false hope I feel, its getting me quite down. I do have endo sadly. I am also worried with the connection between fertility and the covid vaccine. Its making me feel maybe thats had an affect? I work in the NHS so I felt I had to take the vaccine, maybe I shouldn’t have! Anyway, I don’t want to be a debbie downer but I thought I would reach out to some others in the same position

We conceived our first child very quickly, decided when they were 2 to try for another - again fell pregnant very quickly but sadly lost the baby in the second trimester. I was hopeful we'd conceive quickly again but in the end it took 2 years. In that time I tried everything - supplements, opks, bbt etc. Also had a laparoscopy to rule out any possible endo or other reason for our secondary infertility, all clear. In the end I read Jean Twenge's book The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant and bought a clear blue fertility monitor - fell pregnant after a couple of cycles. Could just have been a coincidence and I know it might not be for everyone, but I felt the monitor really helped.

@Araatis27 hey, seeing as you've had an endo diagnosis can you see your GP for support now? I am under the impression you have to wait a year, but if you have underlying health issues you can seek help at 6 months. That might be worth doing. Have you had any fertility tests etc?

RE the vaccine - you 100% did the right thing by getting vaccinated. Google Mama Doctor Jones, she has amazing YouTube videos talking about vaccinations and TTC/pregnancy. It's really quite scary how much danger you could put yourself and your unborn baby in if you weren't vaccinated. Please have a watch as it may put your mind at ease.

@mamaca

We conceived our first child very quickly, decided when they were 2 to try for another - again fell pregnant very quickly but sadly lost the baby in the second trimester. I was hopeful we'd conceive quickly again but in the end it took 2 years. In that time I tried everything - supplements, opks, bbt etc. Also had a laparoscopy to rule out any possible endo or other reason for our secondary infertility, all clear. In the end I read Jean Twenge's book The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant and bought a clear blue fertility monitor - fell pregnant after a couple of cycles. Could just have been a coincidence and I know it might not be for everyone, but I felt the monitor really helped.

I really want one of these monitors but they're not readily available in NZ! I'd happily by a second hand one from eBay but I can't even do that because most people won't ship internationally.

@BritInNZ thanks for replying! Yeah I thought the same thing but you know GPs, always find a way out ha! so I have been told to wait until a year…

Thanks for letting me know about that, I’m going to have a look. I’m wondering if theres anyone who has been pregnant after having the vaccines?

Trying to have a read of a few of these threads but struggling with some of the abbreviations used haha, also struggling to reply to things on the app! I’m still new here so just trying to work it all out

@Araatis27 I'm sure there is! There's been loads of BFPs on here and I'm sure these people are vaccinated 😊

Haha there's a lot of abbreviations I know! Here's some I know:
BFP - big fat positive
BFN - big fat negative
TTC - try to conceive
DTD - doing the deed
CM - cervical mucus
EWCM - egg white cervical mucus
TWW - two week wait

There are tonnes! Google helps but you can always ask people too