9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

Thankyou @kmbegs, it was a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Devastated doesn’t cover it tbh! But we keep going don’t we. I just hope not for another 14 months…lol. Hope your hycosy went well today! X

@kmbegs yes, I ordered a chlamydia test, so they've posted it out to me and I have to send it back to the lab and they'll text the result.
OMG that experience sounds horrendous! I was having tears in my eyes whilst reading it and felt so sorry when you said all that money would have been for nothing. I'm glad they managed to get more dye in and check it properly and confirmed you have no blockages. Also hope that it flushed out any tiny blocks you may have had also, boosting your fertility. Fingers crossed it was all worth it and you'll get your BFP soon. Did you take any pain killers beforehand?
I'm so pleased you're also having a phone appointment tomorrow. Sounds like massive progress! How long have you been waiting for a call?
Hope you feel better soon and hope you got some treats with you to indulge! A BIG virtual hug xx

@kmbegs I'm so sorry it was so horrific for you! It must have been the spasm that was awful because mine was definitely manageable. I'm so glad they managed to do it though and you didn't waste all that money!

I'm having yet another odd cycle. Yesterday I went to the bathroom and had a load of blood (5 days before AF is due!) so put a panty liner in. Then I just had the odd bit of watery blood whenever I went to the bathroom and some light cramps. Today I've just got the watery blood and no cramps. I'm getting really fed up and upset with this spotting before AF. Last month I had spotting for 4 days before AF (much more than I'm getting this time) and this time I started 5 days before AF. I've booked a GP appointment for a couple of weeks time but this is new for me and I've never had this problem in the past, it's only been since my COVID vaccine. Just concerned because if I did conceive how can it even implant when I'm bleeding just 6 days after ovulation?!

@kmbegs that sounds awful, so sorry it was horrendous for you! I had a little bit of pain when the dye went it but I just couldn’t stand the feeling of the catheter the most. I guess we’re all different! Glad there’s no blockages! I had my NHS fertility consultation at the beginning of Jan and he basically just asked about the history of things and then put it in the system for me to have a HSG as the next step. So I see him again in about a month I think where we will discuss HSG. So I suppose the first appointment is more of an info gathering assessment. X

Thanks everyone! Feel bad for offloading here when people maybe still have this to come, hopefully it was the spasms that made it so bad and I've never heard anyone else mention that and I did quite a bit of googling before it. So hopefully a one off. I'm glad it wasn't as bad for everyone else.

@Tinkerbell098 yes I took the painkillers like they said, I'd hate to think what it would have been like if I hadn't! Thanks for being so nice. I only got referred by my GP in early December so this referral has come so fast, although I'm not sure what the phone consultation will be, maybe they'll just say go keep trying and you'll get an appointment in 6 months if not so won't get my hopes up.

@BritInNZ I think I've said before that I've had pre period spotting since TTC (but never before in my life) and I've found it insanely frustrating and worrying as well. My main issue is same as you've said - how can a pregnancy happen if I'm bleeding before implantation might have happened? But I've done so much reading on it and everything says that it's really common and it shouldn't be a problem. Weirdly for me mine has gotten 'better' since I started all the supplements, now I don't get it until 12 or 13DPO. But I still get it.

@LucyAnne34 thanks for that, always helpful to know what you're in for.

Sorry for another message but just had my telephone consultation for my referral. She ran through all my information and test results plus my husbands SA, which have all been normal. She then said the only other thing they would offer me would be a hycosy (which is what I had yesterday but she didn't stop to let me say that), and if my tubes are blocked we would need IVF and would obviously need to go private as we already have a child. If they weren't blocked (which I know they're not) then we would have unexplained infertility and once we have been trying for two years IVF would also be the recommendation. So basically we are on our own now. I asked about clomid and/or letrozole but she said I am ovulating already if my periods are regular so all those drugs would do would be to possibly stimulate hyper ovulation and "if you get pregnant with twins you're 4 times more likely to die so we don't do that" ooookkaaaaay 🤔

Oh well, I guess good to know where we are at. Feels a bit weird to have hit the end of the road and be on our own but at least we know.

Hi @kmbegs - catching up after a few days of silence. OMG your procedure sounds terrifying - I think I would be like that. Hope you're feeling better today. I'm waiting for a call for our referral now after terrible SA results yesterday. Sounds like you can't do much until 2 years of trying. I can see why you wouldn't get any medication if you're ovulating normally and have regular periods but I appreciate it is so frustrating to feel like you're shouting for help and nobody is hearing you!

So I am possibly going to be on here much less after our results - we are being referred to a fertility clinic which we have been warned could be 3 + months. We are likely to try to see a private consultant before then. In the mean time, my partner will start to take Proxeed, a high dose of Vit C amongst the other things he already takes. Hoping we see some sort of miraculous improvement otherwise it will be ICSI for us. X

@kmbegs that doesn't sound helpful at all! Did they not offer IUI as that's less invasive than IVF? Will you be seeing a private consultant to get a second opinion? Hope you are feeling better after the horrific experience yesterday.

@FlyOnTheWall89 fingers crossed the supplements will help. I've heard a lot of success stories of how they've helped with poor SA results.

Hi all hope you’re all well. I’ve now got my appointment for ultrasound on 8th feb see what that shows as it’s me that needs testing OH is fine. Awaiting Hycosy too.

@kmbegs so sorry to hear you're kind of stuck on this journey for a while! They do say that the whole two years thing when unexplained is because a lot of people will fall pregnant before that point. I know that's not helpful now when you're feeling down about it, but just know that not all hope is lost.

@FlyOnTheWall89 sorry to hear about SA results. Why were they terrible? Is it low quantity or something else? As disappointing as it is, I'm glad you have some kind of answer so you know what you're dealing with. How's your partner feeling?

Ladies - we have nearly filled up this thread so might need to start a new one before we get dropped off! As long as everyone still wants this thread? 😊

@kmbegs that sucks, so hard feeling like you are just on your own. Have you had a scan and AMH test etc?

@BritInNZ 0% morphology 😭. So they all either have 2 heads or no heads or broken tails etc- luckily we have had a moment to laugh a bit at this disaster. Amazing motility so they're all swimmers/dancers 😊 and average concentration. My partner works in a high pressure finance job and takes nicotine pouches - he is scandi and it's super normal there, but I think this is probably the cause and whilst he has cut down, he still takes a lot (has never smoked and they don't contain tobacco). I think he needed it in writing to really believe it, but he has thrown them all away. I'm hoping that by him quitting this, cutting down on the cups of coffee and taking a whole batch of supplements, we can get it up to a reasonable level but we can say for sure, we are no where near a BFP now.

The doctor knew nothing about SA. She just could read off the sheet exactly what we could see. I just find that so terrifying when you've received a result of 0% and have many months ahead of you without any help (unless we go to see Mr Ramsay which I hope we will be able). Oh the heartbreak.

As you say @BritInNZ, at least we know what is probably the cause - on that subject, despite my results all being normal, I had to call for the referral and instead of my partner being referred to a urologist for his terrible results, We go to the gynaecologist/obs dept. ... I think this is just bizarre and maybe shows how behind the world is on talking about sperm and male fertility. It is also so female driven. Anyway, going to go for a mani/pedi and watch Emily in Paris. Hope for some amazing news on here soon. Please please set up a new thread @BritInNZ xx

Hi ladies hope you don't mind me still hanging around here for a little bit.

@kmbegs I am so sorry your procedure was such a horrible experience for you from a pain point of view but I'm glad they managed to get a conclusion that tubes aren't blocked. I had my Hycosy/fertility follow up this afternoon (I phoned to cancel after my BFP but was advised to keep it) and the consultant actually said that it is proven that hycosy/HSG raises fetilitty rates in the few cycles after - I know we read it a lot on here, but she seems like a very experienced consultant and she confirmed this is true. Obviously that doesn't mean that any one individual will get pregnant, but hopefully it's reassuring to know that it is a legit thing.

@FlyonTheWall89 - I am sorry about your SA result. I hope I am not belittling your feelings here, but in case you find any reassurance from this - I did a lot of Internet scrolling about morphology after our SAs (2%) and found a few things: morphology seems to be considered by far the least significant issue with an SA. It's the most subjective measure as it involves someone classifying a small sample of the sample and there is often huge varience in morphology between SAs. Did they advise you to get a 2nd one? Our clinic said absolutely no conclusions on morphology should be made from a single SA. Do you use Reddit at all? There's a very useful sub r/maleinfertility with a lot of posts about how their urologists have pretty much discounted morphology and said its almost irrelevant. Lots of posters have shared some studies suggesting similar things but I'm afraid I can't quickly find links atm. Obviously 0% is a scary number to see, but if that went up to even 1 or 2% (either cos its wrong, or because there's improvements from the changes he's making) you can get pregnant naturally. Like I said, my husband has 2% morphology and we just got out BFP.

@BritinNZ - when you start a new thread would you mind tagging me so I can follow your guys progress? I won't post as much, but I feel quite invested!

Take care all xxx

Thank you @Aubyone, no that is very reassuring and thank you for taking the time to share. I have done obviously copious deep dives on mumsnet (I'm now on the infertility board too - ooofffppohhh that hurt) and google. It does indeed seem the least 'important' and with 4% deemed normal, it is weird to analyse it using % because we always think of 100% vs 0%. But still, it is worrying. I'm just hoping with 3/4 months of being really careful and upping the supplements, we can get some sort of new data which is a bit more hopeful. No advice was given at all. We have taken it upon ourselves to just wait 3 months, I'm prescribing the required meds based on reading and then we will test again. I'll be over to watch in the other thread! X

@Aubyone already done lovely! 😊

Yes I would still like to be involved in the group ☺️ X

I too would like to continue with the group.

Is it still carrying on as I haven’t seen a new group x

@LucyAnne34 yes I tagged you in. It's called 9 months+ and still trying to conceive

Me too please 😊

@Aubyone I manage to block myself from here and come back to THIS AMAZING NEWS!!! I’m getting myself blocked every week we’ll have a lil army in no time!!

Seriously so so so so happy for you! How are you feeling?

@FlyOnTheWall89 I am so sorry about the results. I know how it feels and it’s so horrible. I’m sorry you’re going through it.

One thing and I don’t know if this is useful, my husband has health insurance through work and they did pay for 80% of our first consultation with Mr Ramsey. Only the first one but we got so much out of it (and could have taken some of the next steps on the NHS) so it might be worth seeing what your GP thinks as they might find a way to help. If not would recommend it if there’s any way you can, it was better for my state of mind than any holiday could have been.

I’m not sure if you can PM on here but if you want to chat lmk. I’ve stayed on the thread even though our plan is different. I come on less but I still love seeing how everyone is if that helps too.

Sending love x

@BritInNZ I’d love to come if I’m not too late and left here 😭. How are you after your HSG and when is your appointment? Good luck

@kmbegs I’m so sorry to read your experience - how are you feeling now?

Hey @Carla2601 have you seen the new thread? You're tagged although I was too and never got a notification. Have a look for it in the conception board, let me know if you can't find it. Otherwise I'm feeling better thanks, I was so shaken but I'm trying to focus on being glad it's done. Hope you're well, let us all know on the other thread!