9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@coffeealldayandnight me too! I want to try everything but also don't want to keep wasting money 😭 I was t stressed/worried when we first started TTC and now I'm both of those so I will have no chance of conceiving when I'm this stressed!

Oh don't worry, people tell you stress will stop you conceiving and that stress is bad for ttc but I always found that highly unhelpful and reasoned that people in extreme stress are able to conceive (war torn countries, world war 1 and 2 etc) so try not toWorry about stress affecting anything, I really think that's a pile of BS x

@BritInNZ

Also I've always been worried that I don't ever have EWCM. I only ever have watery so even that has me worried that it's why I can't conceive

@BritInNZ Primrose oil tablets is meant to be good for this. I have taken it and found my EWCM is a lot more egg whitey! Xx

So glad I found this thread! I've just been reading everyone's comments and it's like you're all validating everything I'm feeling too - I know it's all rubbish circumstances but it's nice to know that there are others in my boat who are feeling/going through the exact same as me. We've been TTC for 10 cycles now, silently too as we haven't told anybody yet - trying to keep my emotions in check (especially the disappointment around AF) has been super difficult, plus I'm an overthinker so anxiety around not being able to conceive and why constantly chips away in my head. Hopefully we all get our answers soon 💖

Adding onto the thread and agree, reading this is helpful. We are 12 months TTC #2, and it’s been terrible. DS only took four months, so for this to not be working out has been heartbreaking. And the emotions… I’m always so positive around ovulation and right after….but then the second week of the TWW it’s all downhill. The minute a AF sign shows up, it’s just devastating and I want to cry. Anyhow. Just wanted to share. It’s so hard.

My main advice and what I'm sure worked for me both times was having sex every other day over fertile period NOT every day it lowers the soerm quality x

@Bumble44 I'm a total overthinker too! So when people tell me to relax it drives me mad 😂 I'm even worse when work isn't busy as there's nothing to take my mind off it then!

Glad you found the thread ❤️ it sucks to be a member of it but it's great to have some likeminded people to vent to and know we're not alone x

@blueberryy it's SO hard and I'm sure we all have those waves of emotions too - I know I do! I'm miserable right up until ovulation then I have to be nice for the DTD 😂

Now you've reached the 12 month mark will you have any tests? Touch base with your GP?

@Pandastan1 ooo reading your words are so sad. It is a hell of a journey but you are 9 cycles in and you are statistically likely to conceive within around a year. I am on cycle 6 and I also never thought I would join a forum but last cycle was rough and I felt incredibly alone despite my DH being so supportive and loving. It’s just not the same when you feel all the twinges and think it might be the month and then it’s not. I have found the forum so helpful for realising so many people take a while to conceive. There are some astounding stories of perseverance and Resilience on here. You are at the worst part of your cycle, not helped by raging hormones so try to take comfort in that all will feel less dark in a few days time when you can be positive again about approaching ovulation. It will happen ❤️. Chin up.

@BritInNZ lol I also HATE when people say just drink some wine and have some fun and relax. WHAT DO YOU THINK IVE BEEN DOING PEOPLE. Easy to say when you are at the beginning or haven’t been through a longer TTC journey.

I too have heard Primrose is excellent for increasing EWCM which you do need reply to support the sperm and help keep them alive in a rather hostile environment. I’m also using pre-seed which mimics your EWCM helping them along to where they are meant to be. I imagine them being ushered towards the egg 😂.

@Bumble44 we also have kept it all quiet and we are not married so thankfully there is no major expectation / questions yet, because that would ramp up the pressure for me. It’s really hard. I actually did tell 2 people right at the start and tbh I get worried about seeing them now because I feel they expect an update and all I have is, ‘yes we have been shagging loads and yet no bump or baby.’ I think if you can find one friend to tell who you think or know went through a longer TTC journey, it may help. I am on the verge of reaching out to someone I know took a while and then had a MC and got pregnant 1st cycle after MC.

Wishing you all a positive month ahead xxx

@mrssunshinexxx I’ve heard this too although goes against SMEP which is also highly raved about. We are without realising it probably doing every other day this cycle so we will see.

@coffeealldayandnight Ive read this on another thread too. Are there any signs of you have blocked tubes - it’s so bloody complex and random?! Without a reason to, you just wouldn’t think of checking if you have blocked tubes.

@FlyOnTheWall89 ah ok fair enough I never did that just dtd every other night after 6 m when I was getting totally fed up

@mrssunshinexxx No I am not doing SMEP either yet. Mostly just going with the flow but tends to be every other night after reading that it is better for sperm quality. x

me too! I want to try everything but also don't want to keep wasting money 😭

Honestly, if you don't want to waste your money on IVF when you don't have to then get a HyCosy done first. Another pp up thread also had success after Fallopian tube blockage was removed during this quick procedure. You have to rule a blockage out as a possibility before you can take the next step.

@Bumble44
@FlyOnTheWall89
Thanks for your kind words, sorry to be so sad and negative yesterday - I was really late on my period and the heartbreak of CD1 just sent me to a dark place. I am accepting of the fact that it might take a while, I guess I'm just a bit scared for the future when I feel like I should be excited... Just plays with your head a bit as I'm sure you all know! But we carry on. I do think I'm going to talk to some friends about it just so they know and so I can tell someone when I'm struggling. It's crap!.but as you both said we're not on our own with this! Sending you all the love. Xxxx

[quote BritInNZ]@blueberryy it's SO hard and I'm sure we all have those waves of emotions too - I know I do! I'm miserable right up until ovulation then I have to be nice for the DTD 😂

Now you've reached the 12 month mark will you have any tests? Touch base with your GP?[/quote]
I have gone to get tests - I'm 35, so went after 6 months. Everything is fine 🤷🏻‍♀️. However. I ended up POAS this AM after feeling so much anxiety and got a faint positive. 11 DPO, and wicked back pain...like AF back pain, so could end up being a chemical, but after so many months of nothing, I am grateful to see something and will keep my fingers crossed.

Only thing I did different this cycle was Preseed.

@blueberryy WAHOO! Congrats! Keeping everything crossed for you. X

@blueberryy you've maybe done this but even if the doctors have said everything is fine, I would ask for your results and look into them yourself. I just got day 21 progesterone test done, the GP said everything fine and nothing further needed. I asked what the actual result was and it was 1.0 🤦🏻‍♀️. If you don't know that's basically nothing!

@kmbegs good tip. I actually go for cycle monitoring and get progesterone tests. Usually ok, but one month it was 8.4 so I got out on suppositories.

@blueberryy amazing news!! Keep us updated? Lots of people are saying how they got pregnant with pressed, I might go and buy some today...

@BritInNZ I will, and thank you. I feel like it can't hurt. I'm kicking myself for not getting it earlier, but ... can't change the past.

@blueberryy no and at least you know for future! I'm going to buy some and then tell my DH it's to help his little swimmers, hopefully he'll be open to using it 😂

@BritInNZ good luck! I used the applicator and made sure to go as far up as possible (tmi)

Hi ladies, tips from a long time ttc, hopefully now getting her long for bay at 41!

• opks should be used to track ovulation. BBT as well is best ( to confirm ovulation) but I found it made me more anxious
• dtd as much as possible in the days when Lh is increasing unless you know your partner has poor swimmers - in this case do every second day. Even do it day after ovulation
• dtd mornings as well as evenings ( i used to get pg only when I did mornings too strangely and read some science around this)
• use preseed
• both of you should take the advice and supplements in it ‘starts with the egg’
• it is often just time , 24 year old on my old forum took a year to fall pregnant
• get simple things tested via GP , iron, vitamin D , thyroid etc as surprisingly these can cause a lot of issues with conception of low. Perhaps ask for a full blood screen
• test your progesterone levels, with progesterone support from ovulation I believe it helped this pregnancy as mine were dire when tested
• if, after a year, still struggling , sometimes it’s better to crack on with ivf. My two friends were mid 30s, healthy and great fertility but the egg and sperm just wouldn’t get together unless made to! They fell pg first time via ivf and have frozen embryos on ice too for the rest of their family. If you’re early 30s there’s some good deals you can get on ivf. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be either.

Also, I’ve got pg under the worst stress so ignore that worry!