9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@lemondrops99 thank you so much! Yes I have read about that and will look into it! What is your situation? How long have you been TTC? X

I was ttc for 18 months and finally got my BFP in July - just before I was referred to a clinic. I posted earlier on the thread but think I've name changed since! I did a lot of research and I think there were things that helped massively - but it was definitely a long term project.

@lemondrops99 congratulations on finally getting your BFP!
Can you tell me more about the acupuncture? I’ve never had it before but I know someone who got pregnant the month she had acupuncture and swears that’s the reason. Do you ask for something specific ?

@FlyOnTheWall89 yes UK based. I’ve just had a look at the breakdown and it’s £200 for the consultation and ultrasound , £120 for semen analysis and an extra £85 to have the blood tests.

I think the most important thing with acupuncture is finding someone who has made it their life's work, not retrained later in life, and if you can find someone who has worked or trained in China then even better. Mine is also Zita West affiliated.

My first session I told her I was having issues conceiving but I have these other things back/tension/headaches that I want to sort out first. Two sessions later I was pregnant.

I think if I learnt anything from ttc it's that you have to focus on the whole body. If there's no specific reason you aren't conceiving it's likely that you've got a broader issue, inflammation, an unidentified allergy, gluten sensitivity, a sluggish liver, maybe you've got mould in your house? Not doing enough exercise? Thyroid issues? Could be literally anything but they're all things you can take control of so that's good.

Everybody's so different but all these things are worth thinking about.

Hey ladies!

I am also in the same boat. On cycle 12 so I have just reached the "1-year" mark . It's been a really difficult journey with lots of dark moments behind closed doors. I am 33 and my partner is 35. We are so ready, but have come to realise that in life things don't always work out the way you plan. We were meant to get married just after COVID hit so that also didn't happen for us! We decided let's try for a baby as COVID can't stop us doing that..., But apparently it's not that easy either🙄.

There are no words to describe the disappointment when your period arrives. It feels worse each month, and your hope dashed again. My fiancé has to pick me up off the floor and I can see he remains strong for me but he is absolutely gutted inside! To think I was disappointed last Christmas when I wasn't pregnant, and now here we are approaching the next one!

We've started this month tracking my temperature and doing LH tests and to be honest I feel a lot more in control now... I can pin point roughly when I ovulated and now there are less question marks ("when did I ovulate, maybe it's late this month, maybe it's early"). I would advise doing (if not already) this to put you back in the driving seat!!

My partner has also been taking "Fertility blend" tables which are quite pricey but have amazing reviews for improving sperm - he's had a few tests done and had low/ normal results so making sure we're covering that side of things.

My best friend and sister both fell pregnant easily in the past year. This was very hard for me. Now other friends have fallen pregnant since. The announcements are too difficult for me. I am trying to limit social media time as this doesn't seem to help.

My advise to you is... remain positive and hopeful. It WILL happen, we just have to try and "let go" of the unknown and time frame and trust in the process. It's comforting to know we're not the only ones. Life isn't perfect as much we plan for it to be. We have to be grateful for the every day things and the present moment, and let go of our fears of the future. (Easier said than done, I know! I am still practising this).

Happy to private message and chat if you ever need someone to chat or vent to! Xxxx

Sending love to you all
Xxx

@Bella2255

Hey ladies!

I am also in the same boat. On cycle 12 so I have just reached the "1-year" mark . It's been a really difficult journey with lots of dark moments behind closed doors. I am 33 and my partner is 35. We are so ready, but have come to realise that in life things don't always work out the way you plan. We were meant to get married just after COVID hit so that also didn't happen for us! We decided let's try for a baby as COVID can't stop us doing that..., But apparently it's not that easy either🙄.

There are no words to describe the disappointment when your period arrives. It feels worse each month, and your hope dashed again. My fiancé has to pick me up off the floor and I can see he remains strong for me but he is absolutely gutted inside! To think I was disappointed last Christmas when I wasn't pregnant, and now here we are approaching the next one!

We've started this month tracking my temperature and doing LH tests and to be honest I feel a lot more in control now... I can pin point roughly when I ovulated and now there are less question marks ("when did I ovulate, maybe it's late this month, maybe it's early"). I would advise doing (if not already) this to put you back in the driving seat!!

My partner has also been taking "Fertility blend" tables which are quite pricey but have amazing reviews for improving sperm - he's had a few tests done and had low/ normal results so making sure we're covering that side of things.

My best friend and sister both fell pregnant easily in the past year. This was very hard for me. Now other friends have fallen pregnant since. The announcements are too difficult for me. I am trying to limit social media time as this doesn't seem to help.

My advise to you is... remain positive and hopeful. It WILL happen, we just have to try and "let go" of the unknown and time frame and trust in the process. It's comforting to know we're not the only ones. Life isn't perfect as much we plan for it to be. We have to be grateful for the every day things and the present moment, and let go of our fears of the future. (Easier said than done, I know! I am still practising this).

Happy to private message and chat if you ever need someone to chat or vent to! Xxxx

Sending love to you all
Xxx

Such a lovely message! It is really hard and I find it hard when people fall pregnant so easily when we're nearing the 1 year TTC mark. How's your partner finding things? Mines so laid back he's practically horizontal! I guess I feel the time pressure more than he does.

It's nice to know we have a plan in place come January with the fertility clinic but honestly I can't even be bothered with TTC this month, might take a month off tracking everything. Also having a pretty brutal period this month - I have never slept so much!!!

@lemondrops99 great to hear you found acupuncture useful. I had a couple of sessions and found the whole thing very odd and unhelpful for me. She did guide me through tracking BBT which was useful though! But yes, I felt it was a waste of time and money for me personally.

@Sandyseagul wow that's very pricey for tests! I had my bloods and SA done on public funding in NZ, all we basically paid for was the time of the gynaecologist to go over the results. I'm guessing they don't do a similar thing in the UK where your GP orders the tests? I also had an ultrasound done on public funding (they do it as part of the specialist appointment too), which is how I found out I have a septate uterus. Still waiting for gynaecologist follow up appointment but the fertility doctor said he doesn't think it's a problem as it's marked as a normal variant.

@BritInNZ

That’s great you can get them done like that. I’m not 100% sure as I haven’t looked fully into it but I don’t think you can go to your GP until you have been trying for 12 months and although we’re nearly at that point I think you then go onto a waiting list to be seen at your local fertility clinic which from what I can tell can be months. I’m assuming even longer at the moment due to the backlog covid has caused. (It’s near impossible to even get a GP appointment at the moment).

Luckily we are in a fortunate position where we could pay to have them done and I’m hoping everything is normal and it’s just me being impatient.

I haven’t tracked BBT yet as it seemed a bit complicated but I’m thinking of giving it a go. Any tips you can share? Is it a case of just taking your temp each day?

@Sandyseagul hi! I have tracked BBT in the past. I did it with the Natural Cycles app. You need a thermometer with 2 decimal points which comes when you sign up with the app. You have to test before you do anything else. No wee, no getting out of bed, basically as soon as your alarm goes off, you test... even if you want to dose for a bit. It is fascinating because the difference in temp is pretty clear between phases and around ovulation but I found the temp taking quite stressful. Just the beeping and remembering and deciding if it was valid etc. If you have got out of bed at 5am for a wee and then test 2 hours later it isn't valid and if you've been out for drinks, it may be affected etc. So, I think it depends on your lifestyle. Ultimately, if you use OPKs with success or can feel ovulation, this is just another way. I think if you do get pregnant, your temp stays up but tbh, does that just add to the already very pressured TWW?! x

@Sandyseagul yep that sums it up! I only properly tracked for two months to find out when I actually ovulate and I found out I ovulate 3-4 days later than I thought I did! Last month I just temped after my period until ovulation as like previous poster said, you can become quite obsessive 😂 I'm probably not going to track this month as I have a pretty good idea of when I ovulate now. I think it's just a method to make sure you're DTD when you're meant to 😊

That's great that you can pay for the tests. DH and I said there's nothing better you can invest in than your own health and happiness.

@BritInNZ Oh bless you, as soon as my period arrives I struggle to even get out of bed in the morning. I have a few 'down days' and then I try and pick myself back up again. I look forward to the day when I no longer care about what day of the cycle I'm on 😂.

My partner is slightly more chilled than me. He has the mindset of "it will happen" and says he's not too bothered when... But I know deep down he'd prefer it to be sooner rather than later! I've been doing some positive affirmations this month which have helped my frame of mind. I used to avoid thinking about falling pregnant... how I would tell people etc. But now I try to think about it more as believe the more real it is in your mind, the more real it will become! It helps me feel positive rather than think about the negative each month.

I really hate when people say "just relax" and "try not to think about it"... as much as I'd like to switch off from it, once you know when your ovulating it's really hard to ignore it 😅.

It really is an emotional rollercoaster. I feel for anybody who is struggling to conceive. People who fall quickly really do not know how easy they have it! It's not until you experience it that you realise how hard it is.

Wishing everybody their happy ever after to come soon 🙏🏻🙏🏻 xxxx

@Bella2255 ahh I wish I could think as positively! I've only just finished my period and I'm already just a bit bleurgh about another month of TTC to just be disappointed at the end of it. I know it's stupid but at this stage I feel like it's never going to happen! Also the fact I'm already anxious about the cycle I know doesn't work in my favour too. It's true the whole relax thing - when it is everything you want how are you not meant to think about it?! I wish I could switch it off! 😭

@BritInNZ I hope you'll feel better in a few more days once you get closer to your next ovulation. It's so hard to not let the wave of disappointment drown you, trust me I know!! But I have learnt that feeling down only hurts myself more! I try to focus on all the good in my life as so much to be thankful for. We all concentrate on the one thing we can't or don't have, but then once we get it we move the goal posts again... I know having a baby is a bigger more life defining moment than anything else, but in comparison we're more fortunate than most, so I try to remain positive. We will all get there in the end, and when we do we'll be so much more grateful 🙏🏻. I'll remind myself to resd my message back when my period arrives and I'm crying into my pillow lol Xxx

Hi everyone.

I am also on CD1 of cycle 9 now and just can't really comprehend what is happening. I feel so so so low. This cycle I was nearly a week late and we both got our hopes up. I find the hardest part is telling partner that period is here and that our hopes are dashed again. I haven't gone for any tests yet - probably just blindly holding out hope that we will be pregnant before cycle 12. This isn't looking likely now.

Sending everyone so much love.

@Pandastan1 hi lovely, I feel exactly the same as you this cycle. Very defeated and almost just can't be bothered TTC this cycle! It's nice to know there's a lot of us in this situation though, so I hope that gives you some comfort? Also don't feel like it's all on you with feeling disappointed telling your partner. This is a 50/50 thing and it's not anything you're doing wrong. Hopefully there's nothing wrong with either of you and it's just taking some time, but if there is there's just as much chance there's something not quite right with him. Big hugs! I feel like I need hugs this month too!

@BritInNZ Thank you for your kind words lovely. We decided not to tell anyone were trying and I'm struggling with the comments and friends who are planning to start. I guess at this stage it's just like looking into the dark a bit, you don't know what's out there and it feels a bit scary because you don't know when morning will come. You're very right about the 50/50 side - it just feels so harsh having to not only start bleeding but then having to share that and what that means. As you say, we are not alone - millions of women have been where we are previously and millions will be in the future. I just didn't think it would be so hard. Big hugs to you. I always said I wouldn't join a forum but I took the plunge today when finding this thread and appreciating the vibes .

Love to all - the most certain thing about the night time is that it'll always end in a sunrise.

Make sure that, before embarking on costly IVF, you pay for a HyCosy procedure (about £300 depending on clinic) to check fallopian tubes for blockages. Three people I know had this procedure and fell pregnant the next cycle (including me)! They pump ink through to check for blockages and the procedure itself often tends to remove any normal blockages which may have occurred naturally. It's uncomfortable but doesn't hurt.

@Pandastan1 it is SO hard, I completely agree. We told some close friends we were starting to try and it's actually been really helpful. A couple of them also had a longer TTC journey so I feel like their support and understanding has been really helpful. Do you have at least one friend you could maybe talk to? As nice as it is being able to talk to your partner, it's like you say - they don't get it, they don't have the rollercoaster of emotions each month, ending in a period.

I never planned to join a forum too but I find it really useful. I do recommend taking regular breaks from it though - it's easy to get sucked in and become even more obsessive about the TTC process 😊

It's sooo stressful, I can totally empathise. Here's what happened when I was TTC. After 6 months I had the tests to see if ovulating, I was. Husband had spent checks. They were fine. At 10 months I was in turmoil as I'd still not conceived. I cried to the doc and he agreed to give me a scan where it became apparent I had a 'mass' in my ovary (benign lump of tissue, gross). And although my body was trying to ovulate, the egg couldn't travel past the mass so I wasn't conceiving. Anyway, I went private, had it removed a week later and in surgery the doctor used iodine (?!) to rinse the Fallopian tubes, I conceived the next month! So I'd suggest getting a scan done ASAP even to put your mind at rest. And if you can afford private then do it, it's soooo quick. The NHS were going to make me wait a further 8 months to have the mass removed! My son is now two abs my daughter is newborn! Good luck xxxxxx

*sperm

@MoonBabysM the ink thing is what I was referring to xxxxx

@coffeealldayandnight

It's sooo stressful, I can totally empathise. Here's what happened when I was TTC. After 6 months I had the tests to see if ovulating, I was. Husband had spent checks. They were fine. At 10 months I was in turmoil as I'd still not conceived. I cried to the doc and he agreed to give me a scan where it became apparent I had a 'mass' in my ovary (benign lump of tissue, gross). And although my body was trying to ovulate, the egg couldn't travel past the mass so I wasn't conceiving. Anyway, I went private, had it removed a week later and in surgery the doctor used iodine (?!) to rinse the Fallopian tubes, I conceived the next month! So I'd suggest getting a scan done ASAP even to put your mind at rest. And if you can afford private then do it, it's soooo quick. The NHS were going to make me wait a further 8 months to have the mass removed! My son is now two abs my daughter is newborn! Good luck xxxxxx

I've already had a scan, nothing untoward with my ovaries. I have a septate uterus but have been told that wouldn't prevent conception, just a higher risk of miscarriage. But I haven't even got a hint of a line on a pregnancy test yet so don't need to worry about that! Turmoil is a great word for how I'm feeling right now. I can't stop googling 😭

Also I've always been worried that I don't ever have EWCM. I only ever have watery so even that has me worried that it's why I can't conceive

@BritInNZ oh I did t realise you'd had a scan. That's so frustrating. I wish I knew how to help.