April 2014 thread! - still continually supporting one another!

[Cupcake92]

New thread :)
I want to see lots of our old faces back!!
Come on girls!

Heyyy

Lulu bless him! I love it when parents let their kids wear whatever they want :)

Well, I'm having an awful time atm.
My landlord is selling my house I'm renting :(
I have to be out by august and I can't find anywhere! I can't even afford the deposit on anything and the council won't give me an apt till 2nd of august to go on the housing list :( it's pretty crap!

I think you've all gone now :(

Well I got a new house I move in on the 7th august.
I'm also divorced now.
But exH has developed a drinking problem and I'm terrified to let the dc's sleep over as he's doing stupid things in the night and he doesn't even know about it.
I am physically exhausted too.

I hope you are all okay?

Hello Cupcake, I lost the thread!
What is your new house like? Is it safe for the pets? Are you pleased with it?
We were supposed to be going on holiday to Cornwall but the people who own the cottage had to cancel a couple of weeks ago due to a serious illness. So we are at home all summer. We are going to go across to the Lakes for a few days.
I think Ducky must be enjoying her new relationship.
Why has ex-h developed a drink problem? I wouldn't be happy with DD and DS staying with someone with a drink problem.
I have missed hearing how you all are. My life is very dull- nothing exciting happens here.

Hi lulu!!!
My new house is lovely :) and perfect for pets as the garden is very secure!

It's lovely and spacious and I have a huge kitchen which I'm so happy with :)

And I'm not sure why he developed a drinking problem lulu :/ but no, the Ds's aren't sleeping over his as they are not allowed, my hv gave him contact details for a help therapy service for alcohol and he's going to speak to them. I hope for the kids he sorts it before it gets really bad.

Sorry to hear about your holiday. Could you not go for a weekend somewhere ?

Hope ducky is happy with her man :)

So glad you guys are still here!

Sorry I haven't been around, lost my log in details and have had so much to deal with.

Stbxh (27 Aug were divorced!) refused to sell the house unless I agreed to give him most the equity, don't know where I was last time I spoke to you. Took him to court which was weeks waiting. We came to an agreement before the court time that I would get 47%, he wasn't happy though, but if it went to court solicitors recon I could easily get 60%. I just wanted it over so agreed.

By this point after advice from social services, health visitor, police and my domestic abuse caseworker contact between stbxh and the kids had stopped for a few months. He had threatened Court but nothing happened.

After I was awarded the money I received a letter, he's put an emergency application to the court for access. He's put complete lies including that I have threatened violence on his new partner, I have never had any contact with her what so ever. I'm so scared!

Oh ducky :(
Don't be scared! They have no evidence of you threatening violence to her so that will be dismissed immediately.
You'll be fine trust me! All the evidence you have against him etc will win always. He'll never win.

It sounds like you've had a hard time ! :(

I found out so much recently about my exH. He cheated on me several times while we were together and even told some of his friends (to defend the cheating) that I cheated on him and ds2 wasn't his!!!!!!
So I'm fuming with him!! not once did I cheat n to say his son isn't his is disgusting. I'm applying to the child maintenance team (csa) cuz he doesn't pay much for them at all, so gonna do this all properly now. N everything that happens is gonna all be legally done now. Had enough of him.

Oh no cupcake that's awful!!! I remember when ds2 (was it?) was born he was denying paternity wasn't he? Best to sort it all properly with csa and that. I've gone through them now. How are the ds's doing?

I know stbxh has no evidence for anything he has put on the forms but it's just mad that he's lying like that to the court. I'm terrified of him having my kids I wouldn't be able to rest at all. He put I'm violent and aggressive and my bad temper has got me into trouble in the past, I've never been in any trouble! And I'm the least violent/aggressive person there is! I'm a right wimp!

Was it easy to sort through csa ducky? How long did it take? He won't even buy ds3 any milk. I've just stopped breastfeeding him, he's started solids so I've transitioned him to bottles now.
The ds's are doing really well thank you :)
Ds1 started big school in 3 weeks time!! Ds2 starts preschool in a couple of months too :)
How is ds and dd?

why would stbxh lie to the courts!!? but don't worry you can stop him having them, is this what the court thing is all about? Cuz I doubt they'd believe him.

I've joined a dating app I've been asked on a date at the end of the month and I'm not sure whether to go I've never dated before and it makes me nervous!

Csa we're ok, they seem very slow though! There's also a £20 (I think?) fee to go through them. It's all quite easy to sort out.

Ds is great, starts back at pre school 3 days a week in a few weeks. Dd is going through hopefully a growth spurt! She literally doesn't want me to put her down, doesn't want to sleep and is so grumpy! She's just started crawling too so there's no escape!

He lied in his last court forms too. I don't know why he thinks he will get away with it. Problem is with him he truly believes he's innocent in everything and never done any wrong. Luckily I have a lot of evidence. I can't think of any he can have apart from getting his partner to do a statement... forcing her to lie not controlling at all. He's asked them to look at who they live with too!!! He's doing it all out of spite because of the money, he's had no interest in them their whole lives!

Ooooh cupcake! Do you fancy the guy? Have you spoke much? You should go! It's a bit of experience if nothing else! Or he could be your mr right! What app was it?

Just an update.

Went to court. I spoke to the court advisors, litrally went through 1 page out of about 15 that I have evidence to back up about stbxh behaviour and she stopped me and said she had heard enough to make a decision.

Court said they are not convinced stbxh is mentally capable of being a parent. No contact at the moment. They want a full report from me detailing all physical, emotional and financial abuse, then will decide if he needs psychiatric tests if he wants to continue.

As we came out the court, he decided that the forgot to tell cafcass the twice he spoke to them, and his solicitor who he's been speaking to for months, that I have severe mental health issues following my stillbirth.

Actually using dd1 to try and make me look bad spoke to my gp who has written me a letter to court to say she had a lot of contact with me and has no mental health concerns at all, my behaviour was just that of someone who had lost a child

Fingers crossed.

Wow ducky. Tho that's a good outcome from the court.
At least your dc's will be safe now.

Well I'm pregnant again. Yep. I'm on the injection so I've not fricking clue how it's happened :( no idea how far gone I am at all. Waiting to see the doctor today and hopefully arrange an emergency scan as I dunno what I'm gonna do yet :( 4 kids on my own? :( I dunno if I can do it!
I know who's the father as I've been seeing someone just not exclusively or in a relationship. I've known him ages too but he's a lot older than me 12 years older.
I just dunno what to do :( it's been 3 years today since I had my miscarriage and had a d&c :(

OMG cupcake!!! Does stbxh know? What do you want to do in your heart?

Really wasn't expecting that!

No exH doesn't know. N I'd love this baby so much, but I can't do it on my own :(
I've told the father and he said a termination is probably best as we aren't together officially etc. My scan isn't till next week. But I've been spotting since yesterday and all night had really bad cramps. So I don't know what's even happening :/

Is this the guy you went on the date with?

You just do what is right for you cupcake, either way.

How are all the ds's?

No this is someone else, I've known him years we were just seeing each other as he's recently single and it was just company really.
But I went for a scan yesterday... baby isn't there :( I was spotting and then I started bleeding. But the baby had gone, I still have a pregnancy sac she said.. :s but there is physically no baby there. I'm back for a scan on Tuesday and If the pregnancy sac is still there then I need to have it removed :/

The dc's are all fine tbh! Ds1 is struggling atm tho as he's hardly seen his dad.. he just won't have the boys.... and ds1 has been getting upset saying he misses hi dD :(
But he starts school today!!! reception! Can't believe he's starting school.

How are your dc's?

How are you feeling about it all? Did you have someone with you at the scan?

Oooh first day of school!! That's ridiculous or exh, I don't understand how they think.

Mine are ok, ds started back at pre school the other day. Dd is very moany all the time so it's hard work and I never get a break. It's my birthday next week and I've asked my mom to have them so I can go out, I haven't been out for my birthday in years, and it's caused a load of arguments feel like I never get a break atm!

No I went on my own to the scan.
I feel a bit guilty that I was consider getting rid of the baby and now I miscarry it :( I feel so so guilty.

It's my birthday next week too!
ExH is supposed to have them over night but I bet he won't just so I can't do anything fun for my birthday :/
You deserve a break ducky! Try and push your mom to have them.

Cupcake that is really sad. I am so sorry you are in this situation. What an awful time. How are you feeling today? How did DS1 get on at school? DS still has two years yet. He goes to nursery two whole days and a morning. DD is 5 months now and sitting up. She is not as easy as DS was. I love it when she has an afternoon nap- I have one too. The cats avoid her like the plague. She adores DH and he does her. Mutual admiration society. 🙄 Little witch can whinge all afternoon and them beam, hold her arms up to him as he comes through the door and be sweetness and light all night. DS bosses her about and tells her what she should do.

You have nothing to feel guilty about cupcake, nothing at all. How has the guy taken it? I hope he supports you through it. And if I was closer to you I would help you out as it must be totally draining with 3, you are a super hero! But that many children would be insane maybe if we were closer we could just drink wine in the lounge and pretend we were both out

Lulu I have found dd to be more difficult than ds! I thought girls were meant to be easier!

Having a bit of a moment tonight. When I first got with dp, he was showing me pictures of his 'friend' and he was telling me about how perfect and gorgeous and amazing she is. I thought nothing of it. The start of last week he told me she split up from her boyfriend, then the day or so after told me they were going out for 'dinner and a catch up' today. I think they haven't actually met in person and this is their first meeting. I'm so anxious about it. Guys.... I think I found myself another bad egg there's been a few 'issues' as of late. Think I'm actually giving up on men all together.

I'm just feeling really emotional at the moment lulu. Just trying to deal with everything that's happened. Ds got on so well at school! He loves it :)
I can't believe your DD is 5 months old already! Time goes so fast! And bless I bet your dh is so pleased they adore him :)

Ducky, the guy has taken this so bloody well. Like seriously he's been a gentleman! He's been asking me how I am, the other night he came round to just sit and comfort me as I was in pain and bleeding. All I did was tell him 'I'm in pain and feeling down' next thing I know he's at the door telling me he's come to make sure I'm okay
Ducky that's a great idea get a disco ball and we could bear enough say it's a club
Oh no ducky :( that's not great. But I hope it's all innocent and actually they are just good friends. How did it all go?

So is he just a friend with benefits Cupcake or might he turn into something more?

Your sounds like he might have a crush Ducky- not a good thing.

DH is seriously contemplating the vasectomy I have said he should have. He is humming and hawing about it. He would like more children but I am not having any more. 2 are quite enough. I don't want to be having teenagers in my 60s! He could have it on a Friday, have the weekend to recover and be at work on the Monday. I am sick of hearing about it tbh and he is full of rubbish about it, I can't be bothered. I just say 'Really?' and 'Mmm' very vaguelY. I struggled not to snap when he said last night 'It's sore afterwards you know' and 'It is a life-chnaging decision Lu and if something went wrong my bits might never be the same'. I muttered 'Try giving birth' and he shook his head as if I had no idea. Grr! ✂️

That's lovely of him cupcake... are you still seeing how things go with him? Yas disco in the living room!

Lulu that's an awesome come back about his bits not being the same! Are you definately sure no more though? I think once I get myself a permanent house, I'm going to get sterilised.

Well he vanished for a few hours then was back home alone. there's been a few incidents tho, I posted on here about one not long ago, him and a girl telling each other they loved each other in messages, she lives in America but I still find it strange. All his friends are stunning young models but he seems overly close with all of them putting very flirty comments under all their barely clothed pics.

Well it was kinda friends with Benefit thing but he's told me he likes me and that at first he was a bit taken aback by our age gap but he doesn't mind that now and wants to see where things may go. I'm 25 on Friday, and he's 36.
Oh lulu such a hard life for men tell him to stop being such a wimp and get snipped

Yes ducky I'm seeing where things go with him. We both aren't ready for kids so in a way we are sort of relieved things turned out this way. He is a son who is 3, and obviously I've got 3 young ones
I do want one more child but maybe in about 5 years time when all my 3 are in school and I'm with someone and it's forever.
Ducky I'm not gonna lie but he already sounds like a bad egg :/ if your in a relationship you shouldn't be flirty at all even with friends. He should be respecting you and by being overly keen on other girls

Cupcake, DH and I have been smiling about your descriptions of his age, as if he is ancient. We are both 38 now and not feeling elderly yet. He sounds nice. What does he do? Does he have his own place?

Ducky, I am with Cupcake on yours. Not good, not respectful. You deserve better.

I have told DH I don't want to take the pill so if he does not have a vasectomy there will be no sex without condoms- he hates condoms. We'll see.

Haha lulu I didn't mean to make him sound ancient he's a delivery driver but is doing a course In Welding and has a job lined up for when he passes. He has his own place yes :) and his own car! He seems to be a gentleman which I've never had before!

Hahaa let us know how your dh gets on with that lulu

I'm having the coil in on Monday. Decided that would be best :)