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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!

999 replies

Augusthomotherium · 10/06/2015 19:57

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of TinyChat is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
CountryGal4 · 20/06/2015 12:59

:(

ThursdayLast · 20/06/2015 13:09

Sad just but the day is yet young, stay positive even if you're only pretending

Village fete with the in laws later. Send pimmsy thoughts

Augusthomotherium · 20/06/2015 13:19

Greetings shaglings. I very much hope that you are all being excessively fertile at present aaa-aaand enjoying many cats on your laps.Not a euphemism. Cats are important.

I just wanted to wave waves hallo to you all and say that I have not forgotten you. There has been a family death and so coming online has not been a priority. We are all miserable but it will get better.
I am around 5 dpo and by some miracle managed to don capes (Don Cape is head of the miroid mafia, right?) twice within the required period so we might be in with a chance. I have decided to give myself leave to poas at 10dpo because of recent events presuming my LP doesn't crash back at 7dpo as usual.
I'm sorry I haven't read back, so don't know what is going on with anyone. Flowers, Wine, and StarStar to whomsoever wants or needs them. Miss all of your shenanigans! Be kind to yourselves. At least there is sunshine and summer and unshaven legs in my case in them there rolling countryside.

OP posts:
CarrotPuff · 20/06/2015 13:32

Sky I'm not on FB but regardless of how you look he's way outta order. LTB!

I'm with just on spiders. I didn't pee for several hours once because there was a spider in the bathroom sink. (I don't pee in the sink, but it's right next to the loo)

Aug sorry about your news, I hope you are all supporting each other Flowers

NFMV: nothing. DP is nagging for a shag while DS is napping, but I can't be bothered. I'm a bad JSer Blush

5hell · 20/06/2015 14:43

carrot ! I hope u shagged otherwise you'll have no come back next time he xant be bothered ; )

Hey aug sorry to hear of ur loss but lovely to hear from u...hope ur doing ok Flowers

Nfmv...day 27 and got another 'just for fun' shag this morning. Expecting af anyday i guess

Illiria · 20/06/2015 14:45

Sky trust this lot, blokes never know what they're saying when it comes to hair cuts and your H clearly had his bellend filter turned off.

Thursday oh I so miss pimms, I have found one place here that makes it and I still had to ask for mint after the waitress brought it over, she was so confused.

August sorry to hear about your relative. Yay for appropriately timed shags. Both guys I know called don are the nicest people that I can't associate it with the mafia.

Well I am off to a winery reopening, where I can't drink as it is 8dpo and I am driving. Ah well there will be food and croquet.

WouldRatherHaveCake · 20/06/2015 15:37

Driving to a winery?! Surely that shouldn't be allowed

Ain626 · 20/06/2015 16:11

Oh, seems it posted my message last night twice. And I thought it had messed up both times. Silly phone. Ah well.

Aug Sending love and Flowers your way.

I was in Boots this morning so picked up a FRER (well two, BOGOF) to stash in the back of my cupboard in the hope that I will get to use them soon. Hoping I'm not tempting fate and it's not going to be a long time before I need them.

DH had dental surgery under sedation this afternoon. He is a dopey miroid.

CountryGal4 · 20/06/2015 17:19

I've got my good pants on and I'm meeting dh. Wish me luck

WouldRatherHaveCake · 20/06/2015 17:41

ain I bought that offer last week.... could be a lucky offer?!
Good luck country, cheering you on for a sticky shag!

honeysucklejasmine · 20/06/2015 19:44

So Wine, two boxes with two tests in... How many have you peed on? i have peed on five sticks!

justtheonethen · 20/06/2015 21:12

aug sorry lovely Flowers

Good luck country!

I just had the longest accidental nap in the world. Sat down at five and woke up five mins ago! Oops!

ThursdayLast · 20/06/2015 21:31

Sticky shag GrinGrinGrin

ChatEnOeuf · 20/06/2015 21:59

Aug I'm sorry Thanks

Shit day here, for no good reason it would appear, aside from that yesterday was good.

Anyone else have a really good friend that 99% of the time is wonderful, but give them a camera and access to social media and they turn into a spam machine? I cope well with pictures of bumps and babies, but this particular one is really getting to me. Honestly, her kid is only 3w old and there have alteady been over 1000 pictures put up. They aren't even good quality snaps, and they aren't nicely arranged in an album Angry . It was the same whenever she went on holiday, quite literally thousands of photos - all very similar with no QC at all. Bah. I am meant to be meeting up with her in a few weeks when I'm back, but I don't know if I can hack it Sad

bellybuttonfluffy · 20/06/2015 22:01

Thanks all for the birthday wishes, had a lovely day (despite a little falling out with my mum but all is good now).

Hope all you viriods are doing okay!

Had to share my shameless eating habits from this evening!-
I was out drinking with two old school friends, a late lunch type of thing. 6 hours later, I'm ready to go home but fancy a munch. DH collects me from town, we drive to a Mcdonalds drive thru for a meal each and theres no fries!!! So I get 5 chicken selects, he gets 2 plain hamburgers. Both very disappointed, we decide to phone a takeaway whilst still in the car driving home. Order a pizza, chicken pakora and chips. oOoo such fatties, we didn't eat it all though, but ate a lot more than what we should have! No regrets Grin

bellybuttonfluffy · 20/06/2015 22:06

chat, jeez i know what you mean! I have fb friends who love to over share their precious children to the absolute extreme! At the same time, I post far too many pictures of my fluffybumdog, so it's sort of along the same lines. I know it's likely to be annoying to people, but I'm so proud in the moment of how funny/cute/naughty my lil woofy is that I feel I just have to share. I can imagine I'd be 100x worse with a lil baby and not a doggy, so I imagine the people that do that are just overly proud and wish to share in their happiness, but jeez it's pretty annoying to everyone else who doesn't have a crazy attachment to the child involved. Flowers

CountryGal4 · 20/06/2015 22:11

Also know what you mean. Getting spammed with weekly bump updates over here. Everything else aside it's rather bloody dull. chat arrange until she gets over the look what I made phase if you need to.

Shag managed although ewcm completed gone today and cvx is all hard and grumpy so guessing I may have iced already? Either that or my body just giving peak lh for no reason.

Hope you managed a scone attempt shag just. What was opk like today?

CountryGal4 · 20/06/2015 22:12

Fuck. Scone? I obviously meant second

MrsTattoo · 20/06/2015 22:31

Evening shaggers.

Thanks to those who need it.

I hate people who over spam facebook with baby pics too, one friend had her baby a month ago and even plastered pics of her drinking placenta smoothies and encapsulating the rest of it on there for everyone to see Confused

Although I do post hell of alot of photos and videos of all my pets so thats prob equally as annoying to people.

Feeling like a fraud being on the JS fred as haven't actually dtd since the 2nd Hmm - many reasons, shifts etc but mainly DH annoying me. Haven't ever gone this long without dtd in the 10 years we have been together, most was only ever 12days of dry spell but AF decided to make this spell longer and I am not impressed Blush (I will make up for it when the timing is right!)

At work for the night, waiting for a huge takeaway to be delivered Grin Least I will have a food bump tonight ha!

lildottie · 20/06/2015 22:50

just I'd send him in to ask for sperm analysis. tell him to say you've been ttc over 12 months and he wants to get tested first because of your fear of needles.

even if there is an issue with him you will still have to have a blood test. I would start temping to confirm ovulation too so that you can use that rather than have to have repeat bloods of they get done at wrong time. if you were on bcp its easier to lie about when you started ttc as you may have not taken the whole 6m prescription.
you will also have to have an hsg which is an xray with contrast die. think worst period pains of your life and multiply it to almost unbearable. id rather have the blood test! but the pain only lasts a few seconds. that checks your tubes are open which us can't do. u may have another us at mid cycle to check lining and follicle maturity.

Aug Thanks sorry for your loss.

nfmv: the witch arrived a day early. have drunk a bottle of Wine to show her what I think. I don't eve. know what cycle number this is there been so many. dh was so hopeful this month too. Sad

justtheonethen · 20/06/2015 23:11

lil started temping this month so that's a start. I'll send him in then. Thank you. I know I'll have to have a blood test at some point but I'm at a loss as to how. Considering hypnosis. Although I wondered if there was another way to test for progesterone, saliva/urine etc. I'm going to make an app for when dp is back in two weeks. We can go together and I'll hope they agree to him being tested first. Any opinion on male vs female doc? Ours is male and has been fab for everything else but wondered if there was any benefit of a woman or not. Or am I just being sexist. I am aren't i. Why would it matter.

No scone shag yet country but I'm hopeful. Opk still neg but getting stronger. Gx it's positive tomorrow but I'm feeling glum about this cycle being wasted now

justtheonethen · 20/06/2015 23:12

lil sorry about the witch lovely

.chat Flowers

justtheonethen · 20/06/2015 23:16

Dp just turned me down so I'm going to bed in a strop. Not particularly feeling like cooking dinner for his family for Father's Day tomorrow now I must say! Angry

SockQueen · 20/06/2015 23:42

just if/when you do get upduffed, there will be a whole host of more blood tests/injections along the way, especially if anything doesn't go quite to plan. Definitely worth seeking some hypnotherapy/similar therapy to help you deal with it beforehand!

I speak with a bit of a vested interest as someone who's had to give a GA to a pregnant woman, which is not without risk, in order to put in a cannula and take some blood tests.

lildottie · 21/06/2015 00:08

I think it's less about gender and more about personality just. my go was s woman and sorted dhs sa without even seeing him. just gave me the lots and piece of paper to give him! but if the Dr you have has a good track record I'd stick with him and hope for the best. but know ur rights and fight if u have to.
chat I missed your post! the Facebook fools must be especially hard for you atm. Thanks