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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 23:00

Boak! I read the headline and it was a hard pass. No way. Paaaaasssss!

Lil I'd go with porn. Why not? Got to get your rocks off elsewhere if not with H. (Does it make me an anti-feminist or something for not thinking porn is evil?)

gaggiagirl · 18/03/2015 23:10

So long as its ethical porn I wont get on my feminist soap box!.

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 23:21

Ethical as in consensual and not exploitative? Of course! Smile

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 23:47

Oh my god. That is vile.

fallenstar27 · 19/03/2015 05:05

I'm not brave enough to click on either of those links at 5am!

Just found out my oldest friend who has had 3 mc's is 11 weeks pg. I don't think she's never made it this far, I'm so happy for her but equally worried. I'm not sure she could cope if it doesn't work out again. God I can't stop grinning like a fool.

Ainat266 · 19/03/2015 07:05

I love that a sporn link gets posted and lemon is right on it. its too early for me to click on one of those links though.

Feeling slightly better mood wise this morning. got to drive to Manchester (from London) after work tonight, so a good job I slept better..

LaLaLaaaa · 19/03/2015 07:08

That's lovely fallen, hopefully if she's 11 weeks it's all good Smile

OP posts:
SunshinePickle · 19/03/2015 07:11

Oh yuk, why did I click on the tapeworm link while having my breakfast?

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 07:24

Morning viroids!

No way am I clicking either of those links. I'm too sensitive at the moment haha!

lil your miroids needs a wake up call. You need to enjoy your sex life, otherwise what's the point??

Gx for this am sky :)

Shag 2/5 done last night. We are on a roll!

Also DP came out of the bath last night.... Having shaven his balls and pubes!!!!!!!!

I couldn't stop laughing, it looks so sad and lonely haha! He's normally a very "natural" guy down there so to see it as bare as that was hilarious!!!

I thank you viroids for a good laugh Grin

LaLaLaaaa · 19/03/2015 07:34

Ewww lemon ewwww! I pulled a pinworm out of my horses bum last year. It tried to escape back I'm but I was too quick for it! Bare hands and everything

OP posts:
Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 07:38

Oh dear I read the tapeworm thread. Now every little wriggle in my belly has me thinking I must have one... I've definitely not lost weight inexplicably recently though... I have entirely explicably got a little fatter...

Biscuit Biscuit??? It looks like an American football helmet to me. Or a perfectly spherical poo.

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 07:41

Also my cervix is so high I can't find it!!

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 07:43

Erm niff if your poo's look like that i would get them checked out Grin

Urgh 4 days without going for a number two now :( I better clear out soon or I'll be giving birth to a poo baby!!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 19/03/2015 08:02

I can't find my cervix but that could be due to being too fat :/
Also I thought that little thing was a flower not a biscuit, like someone gave me a marigold. Now I am doubting everything. sniff

Told OH last night I will be giving him pre conception vits. "What's the point, I'm all manly and have super sperm. Does it have lady hormones or something? Because I'm not growing boobs just so we can have a baby girl!"

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 08:07

Lol would men are hilarious at times

Ellabella1 · 19/03/2015 08:17

Morning! I'm in a serious PMS strop so there is absolutely no shagging at the mo!!

Ellabella1 · 19/03/2015 08:17

Also thread worm!!!! Wtf!!!

lildottie · 19/03/2015 08:19

would that's hilarious. tell him how much more manly he'll be with the vits so he might be able to make a boy!

jelly indeed, what is the point!

sky I've tried many times over the last 10years to find something like that he likes. closest I came was me dressing up as a school girl but he doesn't even seem to care for that any more. I've tried sending him links to stuff online to explain why I like it and that its not hurting me to do it is actually shoeing he loves me to do it. but yes honey and ga ethical porn is the only way forward I think. I'm too well behaved to have an affair although maybe then I'd get bloody pg

glad its not just us with the silly voices sky I think it started because my dB was 2 when we met and he said something cute one day that we were copying and it stuck.

going to work from my mums today so that will be a nice change of scenery. and survey being done on new house today Grin

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 08:21

Jelly my poos are exquiste ly squishy and smelly I'm eating nothing but broccoli and other iron-rich veg due to interminable bloody mc

So I need some advice. I did a HPT this morning which was negative and am hopeful IBMC (interminable bloody mc) will soon be gone and I will be in WTF cycle.

I am a model JSer. Since June we have JSed with nobbut a bit of pantsnot-spotting to try to identify icing. But now I want some more precision.

What's the best way to work out icing in WTF cycle? I seriously cannot be bothered with temping and assume it will be no use in first cycle anyway. With OPKs when do I pee? I'm out from 7:30am to 7:30pm with commute everyday. Do I take a pisspot in my handbag and do it at workBlush?

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 08:26

Jelly don't laugh at the poor mans penis! I'm surprised you didn't crush his ego!

Niff it's a jammy dodger! I'm worried what your poo looks like now!

Lil does that mean that you can play with your mums cat? Great news on the survey!

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 08:30

Honestly Niff taking your temperature is the only way to prove that icing happened. An opk will only show that your LH was rising but a temp will show that progesterone was released which only happens when an egg is released. LH might go really high and give you a really good line on the opk but it doesn't mean that an egg will actually be released.

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 08:30

Lil I hear ya. Mine will do me politely on a Saturday or Sunday morning and he's perfectly happy with that thanks. I don't want polite I want kinky fuckery lots of the time (I have never read anything as boring as 50Sog). But he is just absolutely wonderful and I can't imagine life without him. I have a very vivid imagination... and a wide variety of vibrators...Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 08:31

Ideally you are aiming for the magic time between getting a positive opk and your temp going up. That's when you are ovulating.

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 08:34

Gosh. Where do I find time for the shagging between all the pissing in a pot and lying around with a thermometer up my fanjoHmm?

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