We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

niff honey is right, but if u want to do opks do them when you get home at 7.30 should be fine. I often forget and do mine at 10pm and they still work. its different for everyone though. temping is easy. I put my bbt on top of snooze button on my alarm clock so I remember to do it when alarm goes off. wtf cycle has been temps all over the place for first 2-3wks from start of mc but now they've settled to pre ovulation levels and I'm just waiting. I was down to 32-34 day cycles, icing cd18-20 pre ivf. currently cd29 with not a hint of pant snot.

polite sex is an oxymoron. bring the kinky fuckery! I have so much stuff I've bought that just never gets used!

NIFF u don't have to put it up ur fanjo. mouth works fine for me.

Yeh but I like things up my fanjo!

oh dear the mc imposed sexban is driving me mad

I put it up my fanjo because I am a mouth breather in my sleep. It takes about five seconds total.

aww niff you put it up ur fanjo if it'll make u happy!

dear god help me, I'm looking up taking honey and cinnamon to make me fertile.

Step away from google lil!!!

niff I struggled with temping at first but then I set my alarm for 5:00am and it's fine, I temp, go back to sleep and read the thermometer when I wake up at 6:30 :) it's really easy and for me was a huge relief to know I was icing post Depo injection.

But for all you newbies ignore the last 10 posts about contraband

no, no contraband here

is the universe trying to tell me I shouldn't be with 'd'h? I can't keep his baby alive and I loath him for our dull sex life. love him to the ends of the universe and back and would never want to be without him but with all this "everything happens for a reason" crap I'm starting to wonder what possible reason the universe is against me doing the one thing we are on this earth to do, ie procreate! sorry, having a mc moment and dh not here to cry on.

None here got a thermometer in the post yest

i've been pretty good this month, i've not touched the ultimate contraband at all this cycle, nor have i been tempted to crack out the OPK's. Just temping this month, and even then it's lack luster (although DP is quite strict that i do it so we know if/when i've iced)

Nif Here is a cookie that looks like a poo.

sky have you poas yet today?

lil you sound like you are spiralling. How long have you and DH been together? Can you try counselling? Is it possible that he feels under pressure and that is what is ruining the excitement? Perhaps sex isn't "fun" for him either. He could feel emasculated after the m/c and like he's let you down? Men can be like children, if they feel like they have done something wrong they will feel sorry for themselves rather than fix it!

In other news my frer was a BFN. I was prepared for it though and it is likely my BFP was a false positive. The internets say that blood can cause a false positive and I was coming off world's shortest AF. I've decided to use the New York taxi driver wisdom... It goes "If somebody stole your cab, it wasn't your cab." So I have decided that it wasn't my BFP and I am not going to fret over it any longer. I'm just going to get my cape on and maybe some lippy and thigh highs too

lil I know your dh has a low sex drive but has your sex life always been like this?
Lets say you've had sex with him 100 times.....how many times out of that 100 have you been satisfied or at least content with it?

Oh sky I'm sorry to hear that. Get your cape on then!

lil I just reread what I wrote and please know I'm not in any way implying your DH's behaviour is your fault, so please don't take it that way. When I get really down it's usually because I have come to some sort of conclusion about a situation and I always try to look for a metaphoric "trap door" - as in a different perspective that makes the situation a bit more tolerable. This is what I was trying to offer up.

Gaggia thank you lovely. I am really ok. I was actually really looking forward to trying with DP. My first m/c and DD were both accidents and I was a bit about accidentally getting a BFP as soon as I got rid of BC. It was anticlimactic!

sky :( I'm sorry, hope you're ok

niff I had ewcm loads of times in wtf cycle so really only way I knew I iced was temping. They were all over the place for 2 weeks then settled down and I finally iced (and conceived) on cd28.

lil :( it sounds like you're just having a downer which is understandable following mc. You've done nothing wrong, mc are unfortunately and very unfairly very common xx

Thanks La I'm fine. Having for breakfast and lots of tea. Getting back to work as much as I can with a poorly DD home.

Alright, where can I buy a cheap BBT thermometer from? Amazon recommended ones? Jelly does your one keep the display on so you can go back to sleep? I could do mine when DH gets up to make me brekkie in bed everyday. Yes, he's that awesome...

Lil you and your DH have been through so much together. And so much of it makes sex weird. We've only been at the TTC 8 or 9 months and already it's just not the same as before. I can only imagine how much strain it's put you and your DH under.

Would he ever consider some counselling? My DH did some and it did help him, and it helped us too. I think it made him identify that there were some ishoos, and once he knew they were there we could start talking about them.

You sound really down. Have fliwers.

even...

men are strange creatures indeed. mine is not keen to have children (freaked out when i said i wanted to try), but is currently doing his duty very dilligently (not trying to rub it in ladies i promise). no doubt he'll freak out again if i actually get a bfp! he's even downloaded a cycle tracking app!

i have said yes to and paid deposit for a v pg-unsuitable hen-do in the summer, in the hope of invoking law-of-sod

here niff make sure it'd celcius one though. it stores temp so you can wake up then press and hold to recall. over writes when u take a new temp. think me and jelly have same.

I'm OK, just fed up of this ongoing battle to be a bit more daring in the bedroom. we are very open and talk a lot and have done counselling in the past so I don't think we can gain much from it. we've been together 10years in may, he was happy to try things I like in the beginning but not in more recent years.