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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 20:42

We definitely should Jelly! Next thread we will!

I got a letter through for my next consultant appt. If all goes well, I'll be 39 weeks! and waddling in Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 20:45

Jelly I take codeine on AF so I always get constipated then. that big shit when it's over if such a relief, right?

jellypi3 · 18/03/2015 20:50

Omg it's better than an orgasm I swear to god. I've not been in 3 days, I think it's why I've been so windy!

LaLaLaaaa · 18/03/2015 20:55

Woweeeee!!! Hi newbies!! I'm both delighted to have created an attractive Fred and disturbed that you're attracted by fanny balloons and cock rings. Still, at least you'll fit in here!

stoat lovely that is indeed utterly shite that you're not agreeing in this. I know for some people emotionally it can take ages til they feel ready to try again. I was like you and just wanted to fill the void I felt with another pregnancy desperately.

I wonder whether he's trying to protect you? As it can't be easy to see you in so much distress as you went through it all. I would agree with sitting down and talking to him. Did you download the info sheet for the guys from the miscarriage association page? If not it's very useful and explains to him how you're feeling. I believe in starting again when you are physically and mentally ready. You are meant to be more fertile on wtf cycle and both mountain and I conceived right away. I did have one doctor who said likelihood of another mc would be higher but none of the others agreed including mc association.

Sorry to hear from you newbies about cp and mc. You'll get a lot of support here as well as lots of laughs.

How the fuck did you get to 150 posts in one day!?! You guys need to get a life ;) I'm one to talk I'm on here so much

I have just discovered I'm covered in patches of dry skin. Wtf!?!?! Am I turning into a reptile? I think it's another weird pg thing!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 20:55

Ha ha ha! I heard it said "when you do a really big shit, you know how much you could fit up there!" Which always makes me giggle as I strain on the loo. And I guess it's good practice for labour!

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 20:57

La are you going to shed and leave a ghost-La of dry skin laying in a corner somewhere?! Shock

Purpleball · 18/03/2015 21:10

Ahh stoat that is shit lovie but you can't force him. We couldn't do the wtf cycle because of diabetes but I couldn't face it for weeks either

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 21:51

Don't you just hate when you get the constipation and it's like a bunch of grapes and when they finally move they drop one by one and the loo water splashes up and hits you on the bum?

In other news, I think we should give out Star to posters who have been exceptional, like they do for small children at school!

lildottie · 18/03/2015 21:52

BC is definitely the stuff of the devil. took nearly 2years for mine to settle including a 7week AF.

h is still a twat. we're now fighting. grrr

stoat I agree you need to talk it out bit don't let it stress you out. it affects both of you and I agree its hard for the guys to watch us go through it and stay strong for us

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 22:01

Fighting? Sad Are you OK Lil? Is it just about his lack of attention or are other things taking the opportunity to bubble over? Sad We're here if you want to vent.

SKU, have a Star for making me lol. I HATE that! poo splash back, not laughing

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 22:01

SKU? Sky!

lildottie · 18/03/2015 22:08

I'm fine honey just annoyed he's avoided the issue/failed to attempt to rectify his actions. when I mentioned it (we were in shower, well he was I was just in bathroom having got out of shower) he was like "I'll do it in a minute then".. a) not the fucking point b) why does he gave to announce/ask every fucking time. on the rare occasion he is horny he asks " can we have sexy time tonight" like small child asking a parent for chocolate. grrrr. and then there's the whole vanilla issue. I'm just fed up of shit sex. lord help me I'm married to this oaf!

Niffertiti · 18/03/2015 22:11

Harrumph! Mumsnet ate my post!

Can anyone explain this to me:Biscuit?

Given all the poo chat, I'm a bit nervous about asking...

rio898 · 18/03/2015 22:12

honey no 2nd proper cycle since stopping bc. Glad everything sort of works as don't want to be tempted with contraband yet! Hopefully next time will be a sticky one

Niffertiti · 18/03/2015 22:18

Welcome newbies! Keeping up with this thread is a full time job...

No shagging in this house til interminable bloody mc is over. I miss it, even though I have no idea how I am going to psych myself up for it when it does become possible.

Lil, stoat, sorry your DHs aren't behaving. They both sound frustrating. Well, lil, you sound actually frustrated. I'm sorry your DH is being an arse.

Stoat, it must be difficult for you when you know what you want, but he might just need some time. They can be surprisingly sensitive, men.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 22:22

OMG lil what is up with "sexy time" with the little voice? I thought this was a DP specific thing. Is it like, an English or Irish thing? Was it on a TV show?

honeysucklejasmine · 18/03/2015 22:26

Niff it's a biscuit! As in "you're taking the biscuit, you twat." I'd recommend a stiff drink for facing the first shag once you can.

Rio that really sucks! I'm crossing my gingers for you and a sticky bean next time.

Lil Sad Can you put a ban on it until he asks like a grown up? Or would it just never happen? We have this sort of thing too. I'll say "fancy a shag [later]", nice and upfront, whereas he'll just cuddle and start to fondle my boobs Hmm. I've told him in the past not to touch unless he plans on following through I'm sensitive and easily turned on so now it's his non verbal way of asking for a shag. It's cute, but it would be nice to be warned before being groped.

lildottie · 18/03/2015 22:28

tbf sky talking to each other in silly voices is our little thing but I draw the line at sex. sex talk/as a subject is not for stupid voices. its for hot passion and kinkery fuckery. maybe I should just resign myself to shit sex and watch porn. is it really so bad that I like him to tie me up every now and then? he knows this, apologises for never doing it, says he will do it more then fucking doesn't. my sex life is so pathetic it comical!

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 22:29

Oh and I found out something interesting while obsessing researching HPT. Apparently, blood or protein in your pee can give a false positive. Perhaps this is what happened the other night as was spotting/ having weird AF? Planning to FRER in the am just to be sure anyhow.

Nif and Stoat you guys get: Star

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 18/03/2015 22:33

lil us too with the voices. Does he have a kink he likes? Maybe you can take turns trying stuff?

Hobbit19 · 18/03/2015 22:44

Viroids, my cervix has shot up to my armpits and is all fertile esk, on CD14 no less! How very exciting and early! DH is asleep, pah! And we are staying at my parents this weekend. Full house though so perhaps we will volunteer to sleep in the caravan?! Please cross all gingers that this is a sign of normal cycle lengths returning!

LaLaLaaaa · 18/03/2015 22:45

Jump him pud!

Viroids it's been a while since we had some good sporn. here you go!

OP posts:
Lemondrizzletwunt · 18/03/2015 22:49

La I'm here I'm here!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 18/03/2015 22:53

Oh fuck thats really fucking gross

teejayem · 18/03/2015 22:58

Oh my bloody God and fuck, la!! I'm going to have nightmares now :(

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