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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
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21
Hobbit19 · 26/03/2015 19:08

Pah, I have a 'month long wait' as I have no idea when I ice, cycle just keeps on going, there is no way I cannot drink wine for that amount of time! Hmmmm, interesting on the ov pain front. Gah, surely there must be some wearable technology that can tell you when you are icing by now?! Whoever invents that will make a fortune!

LaLaLaaaa · 26/03/2015 19:12

Not much chance tink :( she doesn't want kids. She does keep in touch and she's lovely but I'm trying to keep a bit of a distance as the updates upset me

OP posts:
lildottie · 26/03/2015 19:16

pud for me its excess cm, twinges on one side (usually the right) like a bubbling sort of feeling just next to top of my hip bone, and the exploding ovary during sex feeling that indicate icing for me. and the positive opk followed by temp dip also the ewcm disappears within a couple of days too. I didnt use opks this month and still managed to know when I was ovulating. before I'd have had not a single clue but because I've been doing opks and temping for so long I've learnt exactly what my body does and when. I'll never stop temping because I'm a control freak and need to know 100% when AF is due, but now I don't feel the need to use opks like I used to.

tink you alcoholic! Wink

Tinkfromlovejoy · 26/03/2015 19:20

Its my Mediterranean diet actually lil I am forced to drown my sorrows in red wine and olive oil, what can I tell you Wink

Hobbit19 · 26/03/2015 19:22

Thanks ladies, all very interesting.... We shall just keep dtd and see what happens Smile

honeysucklejasmine · 26/03/2015 19:32

Evening. I am planning on a glass of red in a bit.

Today someone took my photo, and when she posted it on Facebook I didn't think I looked hugely fat! Win! OK, so still very overweight, but I didn't recoil in disgust which is great!

DH is sulking with me a bit because I won't watch Game of Thrones. IABU but I just don't want to. So I am watching Kitchen Nightmares and working on my starburst style blanket.

justtheonethen · 26/03/2015 19:35

sunshine well done! runs off to rub jam on shoes

justtheonethen · 26/03/2015 19:37

honey game of thrones is amazing! Good work on fabulous photo, bet you look gorgeous

honeysucklejasmine · 26/03/2015 19:47

Thanks Just, its OK, which for me is fan-fucking-tastic!

But I can't be arsed with GoT! Is there anyone else who doesn't watch it?

picklethistle · 26/03/2015 20:09

honey we got into GoT recently and I have to say it is amazing. But of a slow burner to start with but now we are totally hooked! Lots of sex, gore and awesome storylines!!!

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 26/03/2015 20:24

You lot are bad for me. It's really just spotting. Hasn't progressed. I don't think I believe in implantation bleeds. If it doesn't appear in full I'm going to test Monday.

I loved the GoTtheoks but I'm worried he's never going to finish them now he's made his fortune. I do like the tv series but if it's not your thing then it's not your thing.

I didn't overicibg pain this time, but it used to be low down just to the inside of my hip bone, think where you would get appendix pain. Just a sharp stabbing feeling lasting about fifteen minutes.

sunshine that's great. What was your poster on, something interesting? Must have been the lucky jam.

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 26/03/2015 20:25

Okay autocorrect went a bit mad. Should have said 'I didn't have icing pain'

WouldRatherHaveWine · 26/03/2015 20:36

Evening all, feeling really miserable today. Fed up of feeling like there's pregnant people all around me and OH is making me wait to start TTC, based on dates we are waiting til may and it seems so far away. Also my diet has well and truly gone out the windows this week, so if I do some zumba tonight would I be allowed to open my easter egg early?!

justtheonethen · 26/03/2015 20:53

wine i had to wait 6 months before ttc and it was so hard. Best advice i can give is to treat yourself kindly and just ride it out. Abs come on here for hand holding and sympathy. Can i ask why you have to wait?

Yes you can definitely have chocolate, sounds like just the ticket

jellypi3 · 26/03/2015 21:19

tink have you name changed again lol?

I love GOT. Watched it from the beginning and read all the books. I'm such a nerd.

Cramps are still there tink :( not so bad though.

Hobbit19 · 26/03/2015 21:29

Noooooooo, you can't eat Easter eggs until Easter. Definitely did not have three tiny lindt Easter bunnies today.

Icing pains that I think I have are exactly what you describe totally, I did have them on and off throughout epic last cycle so maybe my body was "trying' to ov? LP should only be about 14 days though, could stress make it longer?

NEED to get fit Viroids, healthy life style starts in Saturday, I want my body back!!

jellypi3 · 26/03/2015 21:37

How healthy is my dinner viroids? Carb free evenings!!

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!
Hobbit19 · 26/03/2015 21:44

Good work Jelly! I've just messaged a personal trainer, I need someone to shout at me while I do star jumps!

Tinkfromlovejoy · 26/03/2015 21:53

pud I can do that for you. I'm very shouty and I like lycra and sweatbands... Hup two, Hup two! Annnddd squat.

I haven't had a glass of wine, watching the triplies program has put me right off. Tiny little people Shock

WouldRatherHaveWine · 26/03/2015 21:53

just my OH has a major exam in January so may is the earliest to have a due date of mid Jan after.

pud what if I just eat the chocolate bars out of it? Technically not the easter egg then...

I got distracted stuffing a million and one cloth nappies, wondering if chocolate this late will give me heartburn in the night!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 26/03/2015 22:07

tink that made me think of the elephants out of the jungle book! Except the squat bit!

jelly how do you find going no carb? I find I get too hungry so I compromise and go low GI but I think I would benefit from skipping all together some days!

Hobbit19 · 26/03/2015 22:12

Yes wine, I reckon the chocolate bars are fine! Just been baking brownies and have eaten a lot of 'crumbs'. :-)
Thanks for the shouting Tink, think I am going to buy some absolutely gopping lycra to do my three star jumps in.

Ainat266 · 26/03/2015 22:13

Giving myself a hooyah tonight as symptom spotting... I'm really fed up of this waiting for af game now. Sad need to lose more weight and a bit more time to pass and then I'll be back at the doctors if she doesn't arrive. I've actually put weight on recently as was away for a wedding followed by a stressful week at work. I need to visit the gym more and really get back on the diet. Finding low carbing extra hard right now. Nearly the easter hols though. Will fight to get back on track and research some good recipes.

I think I missed a newbie slip in... waves!

Looking forward to the poas party on weds.

Hobbit19 · 26/03/2015 22:15

Oh dear, watching Ed Milliband getting mullered by Paxman, I quite like him too! Didn't see Cameron, did he get hammered too?

honeysucklejasmine · 26/03/2015 22:15

Wine you cloth? We plan to too! Which ones do you use? I get far too excited about it

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