We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

I've been invited out for wine and DP has just told me he'd be really upset if I drank because i'm halfway through the TWOT....

im also quite crampy :(

Ltb jelly. has he given anything up while ttc? does he realise that until placenta takes over the embryo is growing from the eggs energy, and placenta takes over at 5weeks pg.

tink hats off to you! you are a strong lady!

5hell I had an Ann Sumners one before that went inside but no direct clit stimulation so it was exciting but didn't do a lot. this one has clit contact so hoping it will be better more risky !! I'm not allowed to use it until my birthday so I'll keep u posted! link is here if you want to take a look.

Hi ladies, sorry to interrupt. I like reading this thread, I've been lurking for a while
What does iced mean?

Hi epski! It means ovulated.

Syncro pee, huh? Sure, why not.

is this a power play rule Mr lil has instigated, no buzzy pals till your bday!

epskie iced means ovulation :)

lil ive told him this, but he doesnt listen :(

Ah tell him politely or not so depending on how you feel to leave you alone, even if you were pregnant it wouldn't affect the baby at such a very early stage and if TTC takes a while longer which I really hope it doesn't then you can't be expected to behave like you are pregnant for 2 out of every 4 weeks. You'll have enough time not drinking and taking other precautions after you get your BFP. I got absolutely wasted when I was a few days pregnant and it doesn't worry me at all. Obviously haven't since, don't want you all thinking I'm some kind of lush haha

Haha bat great reply :) I'll tell him just that!

Hope all ok with you?

It's lovely of him to be concerned and all but we all know that TTC is stressful, particularly the twotting - and a bit of wine is very helpful!

Yep all good thanks - at least I think so! Turns out that when you get BFP and think all your worries are over they are replaced by crazy neurotic 24/7 worries about things not being OK! Thank goodness for mn keeping us sane-ish eh??

Keeping everything crossed for you, reeeeally hoping it's your time soon!

ewuakua I got my qualification working in practice kind of like an apprenticeship so you get paid all be it not a lot. Or you can do it as a full time degree. Most practices will allow work experience or have availability for volunteers to just get a foot through the door. It isn't the best paid job in the world and I'm not going to lie it is bloody hard work but I find it very rewarding and struggle to imagine doing any other career.
Tink I'm always open to being quizzed on animal related worries I also have neurotic pets

I've been a bit quiet for the last few days in an attempt not to go crazy in the twot. I'm keeping up with you guys though. Very excited lil's dh has stepped up a bit! Long may it continue!

I think I'm out this month, I'm only 9dpo but having brown spotting today. And my temps have been only just above the coverline the last two days. I'm feeling pretty positive actually, I want expecting much this month. And dh is pleased about the shagging to come!

I won't be surprised if it is anovulatory what with all the stress etc. I don't blame my body for thinking now wouldn't be right for a baby but doesn't it really I really really want one! Sure fire way to make me happy!

Totally you're not out till full flow

whispers implantation bleed and runs away

jelly tell him to fuck off! I'm guessing you're not gonna get wasted so a glass of wine or two is only a good thing if it means you relax

I abstained from wine like a good wife to be. I'm at football training tonight so probs best. Did get some weird looks tho

haha no jelly we don't really use buzzy pals together and the new things he's ordered are kind of a birthday present, hence saving for my birthday evening. and if I iced yesterday I'll be cd8 on my birthday so perfectly timed ovaries!

totally thanks :) if he doesn't keep his promises I will unleash the passive aggressive bitch in me I think telling him hand jobs AND blow jobs were off the menu may have helped him rethink, and the fact I stuck to it for those few days!

oh and controversially I'd recommend giving up the booze for your general health. I used to drink every other night, only a glass or two, but I don't miss it and feel better for it.

runs in

Whispers implantation bleed at totally

runs away again

Jelly LTB!!

I had a beer day before bfp because I got bfn. It's fine!

I'm also available for animal queries! I do wildlife and exotic pets. can answer cat queries but my two are neurotic so not best example and horsey stuff stifles a sob at having had to sell my beloved pony

Why did you sell your pony la??

lil I generally don't drink it's only with work. I've been good though. Don't overly regret it just wish he would be less passive aggressive lol

Evening Viroids, how are we? Currently watching One Born, fascinated and horrified all at once!
Ladies can you describe what it feels like when you ice? I get a pain really low down, where, like in the crease where my leg joins my body, and I think that might be icing...? I had it last month too but didn't get AF for another 24 days. (48 day cycle in total), could this have been icing??

Because the woman who was loaning him suddenly decided she didn't want to loan anymore and either wanted to buy him or hand him back. Can't have him back because of baby so had no choice :(

It's rubbish because she said she wanted to loan and then 'it is too difficult to loan, I'm too attached!'.

So was I...he was my pony :(

Oh no la that's a horrible thing to do :(

pud I get a sharp pain and lots of gas

Hats off to those of you considering midwifery as a career, it's a very tough (but rewarding & important) job. I have a lot of respect for (and fear of) the midwives I work with.

Smashed my presentation at the conference today. I even won a prize for the best one (and there were lots of super clever PhD people there), when I'm just an ordinary person. I think it was the lucky jam on my boot that made it go so well. I've decided the jam is staying on the boot until I POAS just in case it makes me lucky with that too.

Well done Sunshine, that's awesome!

Yay pickle

totally has it stopped? implantation

Poor you la does she let you keep in touch? Also, gx she lets you buy him back once babyla goes to school and she is having babies of her own or similar?

Pud I get general cramps for about half a day, sometimes I can feel a sharp sensation on one side but I really think that is caused by the excessive gas that icing seems to cause. Luteal Phases are rarely longer than 16 days. Therefore if AF arrived 24 days after your pain I'd guess it wouldn't be icing.

I had a glass of red last night or two after bfn. Might have another one later too, I've tried drinking and not drinking over the years and it makes no difference to me as far as I can see. Id abstain completely once I got that bfp though because DH would leave me if I didn't. He is a big believer in not drinking through pregnancy at all. I think a small glass of red every few weeks after first tri is fine but he doesn't agree and it matters more to him.

Jelly how are the cramps?

JC how long are your cycles normally? I've got my pom poms out for your ovaries!