We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Excellent icing news lil!

Haha tink well at least you're still in!

My nursing degree also took 3 years, it is very rewarding but it's also hard work. I got a small means tested bursary with mine which I just about got by on.

Looks like I'm having an an-ice-elatory cycle this month

oh no jc that's crap :(

tink i'm only 6DPO today but as my LP is 8/9 days, I think if I made it to Wednesday (12DPO) I'd be really tempted to POAS. I technically should wait until Friday though.

chat that's great info thanks. Mr Jelly is concerned about affording me not working, but i'm sure we could find ways around it. What I need to find out is how relevent my A-levels are (and if I would need to do an Access course). I've applied to go to an open day, and I'll try and find out about volunteering at the local hospital Mat ward.

Morning viroids!

Welcome KL waves!

jelly hooyah! ;) just keepin' you sane gal!

hooray lil! The end of the wtf cycle is nigh - it's such a relief when you get to that point of icing after such a confusing time. Have you dtd in the last few days beforehand? Sending you my wtf good luck offers belly for rubbing - watch the belly button doesn't poke you in the eye

I found Fertility Friend the best - still use it to look back and see my cycles sometimes.

tink was it frer? I'm crossing everything for you

Whatever you do don't go into animal welfare if you decide to career change - I'll be jumping on trains and buses to get to you to knock some sense into you in no time! No money, endless heartache and the criticism that you're never. doing. enough...

Hey rio I'm a crazy cat lady and might be tempted by a career change to veterinary nurse. Tell me more! How did you train? Do the cute animals outweigh having to deal with the really sad cases? is it possible to volunteer or do an internship at a vets practice?

wow we are all a bit job change mad at the moment aren't we!

la appreciate the hooyah :) promised myself i wouldnt let it get to me this time round

rubs la's belly frantically
thanks la it is a bit of a relief. couldn't persuade dh last night but DTD night before and 2nights before that so we are in with a chance albeit not our best effort to date! but wasn't it cookie who DTD once in the cycle she got pg after going through a totally shit time and having mc. so I'm remaining hopeful. dh also assures me I got a good liad the night before icing!! the man is so romantic!

Waves at la and chat thanks for the good wishes! No frer but will get one if af keeps away.

I wish I was using ff now, wouldn't have got myself into this state. However, being so over excited brings it home that I'm not ready to stop ttc yet. I'm only 33, and even though I've been at it for 6 years I'm not ready to stop. Even though our latest deadline was April I think I need to keep going a bit longer.

I can concur with la about not doing anything animal welfare related. My degree was animal science but foot and mouth struck in yr2 and I couldn't cope Hats off to those whe can cope though. rio does this mean we can quiz you on all of our animal related worries? I am completely neurotic about my pets

jelly I'd love to hold out now until Wednesday but that would be cd40 and I'm fairly sure I won't get that far. Also, I know I won't want to avoid the wine this weekend for no good reason so will prob poas sat morning, I think, based on normal lp that's when I'd be "late" 4 days late already dammit

ahh fair enough tink, our pissy party has been reduced by one.

Doing mass pissy parties with me is always luck though. Every time I do it with others, they get upduffed. I won't make it to Wednesday, i'm sure of it lol!

i wish i worked with animals. most the idiots i work with at the moment are animals

jelly my sistee decided a few years ago to train as a midwife - she was rejected 2 years in a row and found out it was due to not having enough points from her A levels (would have been nice if they could have told her that the first year) so she quit work and took an access course to get the points she needed and she got a part time job as a healthcare assistant to also get the care background as she was previously a make up artist! So then the third time she applied she was finally accepted - and she qualifies this year! So yep definitely worth checking out the academic side and sorting that out and getting the healthcare experience would be really useful too. Good luck!

so much POAS and job talk! i wish i had the guts to change jobs, but i'm a woss (sp?!). maybe i'll get the guts to change after maternity leave.

AF dues mon-wed ish so could join the POAS club in theory, but dont think i'd believe AF was actually late until we were well into april!

novice status showing here...was in tesco the other night and keeping a casual eye out for sticks, but couldn't see any - do they keep them behind the prescription counter or something?

jc sorry, completely missed the last line of your post. Why do you think that?

also, lil i'm SO jealous of your remote control toy...have had many fantasies with DH about one of those :)

would you recommend?

ate sashimi last night ...possibly not recommended in TWOT?! ;)

Tink I'm keeping my gingers crossed for you on Sat.

Synchro POAS, how exciting! I wish I could join, but would be doing a massive lemon if I did!

So we did have a shag last night, which was great despite my barking I only think I've already iced, but not that sure, so it's best to cover all bases. Should really shag tonight again, as DP is out tomorrow...

Morning viroids! Have been quietly snagging away with Mr. Sky this week. Have icing pain today on CD12. If we were using shettles method to try for a girl should we stop with the shags? How soon is icing after stabby pains? please say a few days as I am really feeling quite affectionate

bat that is really interesting. I have gone on the UCAS website and my A-Levels would give me enough points to get in, but i'm more concerned they aren't recent enough. I'm looking forward to talking to someone about it at the uni, but the healthcare experience is what I lack mostly, that's what would hold me up I think.

I actually think there's no harm in just applying and seeing if I get accepted and dealing with the consequences after lol.

4dpo here, yawn. I hate the TWOT. On the upside it's nearly school holidays! Hurrah. I can't wait to have a lie in!

isn't the shettles and old wives tale?

jelly my sister is about to turn 30 so I guess that means she started the course when she was 27 if that helps in terms of figuring out whether A levels were recent enough?

Neither proven nor disproven in humans jelly but there is evidence that it works for some people. At best it is 50/50 but we aren't in a rush.

Well i'm 25 bat so i might still be able to use mine...no idea lol! I'll find out from the uni :D

Tink you are way to young to quit. 33 is still well in your prime. Don't give up please. You deserve your baby.

Has DP had his soldiers checked? Apparently you can get it done privately for about £70 which seems a lot but to avoid the NHS lug I think it's worth it (we will look into this if we are still TTC in June I think).

Here's my chart, doesn't seem to be doing much!

Welcome KL!

Well tink if all this confusion has shown you that you don't want to stop then at least you know how you truly feel

jc this might be a slow rising month for you?

jelly Mr. Tink has super sperm! I am also vaguely healthy, although I've had various diagnosis which have all been disproven on further investigation. I'm still waiting for jan day 21 results to come back to see if my prolactin is still high (and assume progesterone low in that cycle) but my endo is a useless fecker!

jc I've just had 3 anovulatory cycles on the bounce before this one (I think) If you normally ov each month it's likely just a one off, perfectly normal. Also, I iced really late this cycle so don't give up hope just yet. lil always ices late...

ahhh that's annoying tink can't beleive you are still waiting for your day 21 results back! i'd be kicking off by now