We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Haha will do pud. He's also saying I shouldn't career change till after babies :(

carrot I get EWCM after icing sometimes

Feel better soon honey

You lot have been chatty today, what have you all been up to? We took a walk around the local zoo as the weather was good.

I also looked into midwifery but as I have already had a bursary and loans, and I would need to do an access course we just couldn't afford it. Although the comment above about bad backs makes me realise it might not have been a great idea anyway with my arthritis and fibro! I shall have to stick as I am for now.

Carrot you'll have to put a humidifier next to the bed and be brave ;)

Crazy cat ladies looking for career changes become a vet nurse like me we are a dying breed

Couldn't handle the poorly animals Rio, would be in tears every day :(

May I join?
Loved your intro/title !!
The lingo is like trying to learn another language!

Welcome KL! New viroids always welcome!

Are you ttc for number 1, or do you have some already?

Hi KL

In the 30 seconds three weeks since we started ttc I've had three friends tell me they are upduffed. I swear I never used to think about babies and now they're EVERYWHERE!

Welcome newbies.

Fallen perhaps they're right? I almost fainted at work end of last week so everyone is asking me if I'm pregnant... But I think I was just hungry.

Feeling knackered today. Did a 13.5hr day at work yesterday and I've got up at 0320 to travel across the country to a conference today. I'm going to sleep all weekend!

Morning shaggers.

Welcome to the fold kl :) we need stats!!

fallen it sucks eh. Everyone is fecking pregnant around me I swear. Oh well.

pickle that sucks. Long working hours are horrible. Hope today goes ok!

So, not getting excited or anything at all, but my temp went from 36.61 to 36.83 today. Could be because I moved slightly before taking it though.

Almost halfway through the TWOT!!

Jelly, that sounds mightily like symptom spotting to me. Hoooooooyah!

jelly look at the state of my temp s hahaha. Ignore all the pink bars and stuff

Jelly exciting. I've been trying not to symptom spot, but it's far too tempting during the twot. I think AF is due Tuesday... Getting my hopes up a bit.

Haha ok honey I'll accept your hooyah graciously. I honestly don't think it's anything other than the fact I sat up before taking my temp.

Country have you iced yet? I've never seen charts like that before. Is that ovia?

pickle gx for you :) AF is due Monday for me but I'll hold off testing until weds Friday. :)

jelly it's kindara. Literally only using it to track temp as ovia only records Fahrenheit. Not yet no reckon probably in the next week or so?

jelly in the early days I had many charts I thought were triphasic. its y I started to stop temping after icing. so I'm also sending a hooyah.

fallen I find myself scowling at strangers for daring to have a bump!

sunshine that can't be legal (I assume u r traveling for work)! hope you can get a rest later.

so I know my body well. no opks and thought I'd iced yesterday after the sex ov pains, temp up this am

Lil travelling to conference, so kind of work, but I'm officially on study leave so no one cares that today will be a 20hr day. On the plus side I'm presenting some research for the first time ever, which is cool... Even if it is to really clever people. Hoping my tired look will add to the impression that I'm a secret genius. I imagine the jam stain on my boot won't though.

jelly good luck in holding out that long. I'm really going to try to hold off POAS until Wednesday too but I'm not sure I'll manage it.

Go lil! That's great in the wtf cycle.

country in ovia settings you can change it to Celsius. Although iiwy I'd scrap both and go to ff.

jelly just sitting up won't change your temp by much.

So, no af still (cd32). Got yesterday's stick stuck to the lightbulb I was trying to shine through it to see the line last night!!!! I've gone completely mental. No more poas though. As I'm not charting im trying to work out exactly when we dtd, I had ewcm, etc, from memory and could easily be a few days out. Just need to keep waiting I guess.

ahhhh tink damn witch better not be fucking with you! is it worth looking back over ur posts on the thread to try and help u remember?

I agree with tink, switch to ff!

Pickle It is well known that geniuses (geni?) Don't bother with such mundane things as jam stains! Your brains operate on a higher level :)

DH surprised me by wanting to shag again last night, two days in a row! Hoping he can maintain this enthusiasm :)

yay for icing lil. It's amazing how well you know your body eh! Sadly you need to endure another TWOT!

pickle I'll be rooting for you for wednesday :) good luck at the conference!

tink stop fuelling the crazy DP told me to sit up again tomorrow before taking my temp to see if it raises it again lol! How long will you wait until POAS again? Maybe we should arrange a POAS party for Weds? Honey, Pickle, Me and Tink up for it?

oooh its been ages since we had a good syncro pee!

lil you're a genius, I was banging on about ewcm and icing on Friday 13th, so may have iced that day or Saturday 14th. Which means I've done a complete lemon and am possibly only 12dpo today!! Stand down viroids, stand down. Hooyahing myself

jelly how many dpo are you?

why thank u tink, I'll go stand on a pedestal with sunshine goes to rub jam on shoes hopefully you can chill a bit today!

I should probably get out of bed!

Oh, great icing news Lil!

Tink I'm still keeping my gingers crossed for you...not out yet especially at 12dpo today.

MW courses are hard to get into, but it's a v rewarding job at the end of it. And they need more of them, desperately. Loads of my colleagues and friends have done HCA work while training to help their bank balances - on the practical placements you're often only doing three shifts a week, so you could probably squeeze another shift of paid work in, and if it's on the same wards it's all good experience. Volunteer work - sure start, paeds wards, maternity wards, AN clinics, HV clinics...the hospitals near you will have a co-ordinator. You will need a CRB check (or whatever they're called now) which they may or may not organise for you depending on their accounts. They cost about £60 and take a few weeks to sort out.

Excellent, another synchro pee :)