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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
maemay · 24/03/2015 21:14

Hi all,
I'm new on here. Have been reading the Fred for a short while but not posted anything yet! (just trying to get used to the lingo to be honest!)
But thought I should say hi! Smile

We've decided to TTC our first from my next cycle (didn't want to risk a Christmas baby on the off-chance that it worked first time round!)
I came off the pill at the start of 2015, (after using it for 10 years!) and my cycles seem to be back to regular straight away (though lighter than they were before).
Been using Ovia to track my cycles (is that contraband or allowed??!) but I think Ovia is predicting my fertile window a week earlier than I see CM indications and mild pain. I'll keep tracking my cycles in Ovia and see if the predictions help. The other option is to just keep dtd all the time, then there's less need to track my fertile window!
Not expecting it to happen straight away, but I guess it's possible.
None of my friends are ttc at the moment, so wanted somewhere I can vent / ask questions on this journey!

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 21:20

Welcome mae :) join us for the TTC ride!

Apps like ovia and ff tend to predict things initially based on your typical 28 day cycle and icing on day 14 when in reality this doesn't happen for most women.

I'd recommend just shagging 3 times a week at least to ensure lots of sperm for your egg :)

nightandthelight · 24/03/2015 21:20

Hi Mae, I have abandoned Ovia and am just going for regular sex. Definitely try to shag throughout your cycle if you are not 100% sure of when you ov (also it is fun Grin)

fallenstar27 · 24/03/2015 21:27

Hi Mae :) great to hear your cycles went back to normal straight away. I came off pill at the start of March after 8 years so I'm anxious to see what happens with mine.

It's done honey ;)

lildottie · 24/03/2015 21:37

hi Mae

well dh read an online article I sent him weeks ago and claims to have done a 360 on me! said the article helped him understand and that he's been silly and will try harder. has said we can sit in bed tonight and order a new toy for my birthday night. I'm just Shock someone pick me up off the floor!

fallenstar27 · 24/03/2015 21:42

Holy shit lil, that's great! I'm chuffed for you, I hope he sticks to it and does try and see how you feel about it all.

I'm curious about this article now hah!

honeysucklejasmine · 24/03/2015 21:54

What???? Amazing! Go Mr Lil!

Welcome Mae! Not that I condone contraband, you understand, but Fertility Friend is much much much better than Ovia.

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 24/03/2015 21:54

lil shit me what a turnaround! Maybe he lurks on here and saw we were all on team lil

Welcome mae personally I found ovia shite but have heard fertility friend is better if you can be bothered. At your early stage I would just say shag! Smile

I have godawful wind. I went outside earlier to let rip and made a dog bark Blush Dh thinks it's hilarious! I think it's all the cabbage, why must supermarkets put cabbage on 241. If we all ate this much cabbage there would be no ozone layer left!

lildottie · 24/03/2015 21:55

if I find the link I'll post it for you. I'm not going to hold my breath until he actual comes up with the goods though!

lildottie · 24/03/2015 21:57

lol who knows tink!

I second finding ovia shire, I use paid version of fertility friend. much better and scores your symptom spotting to fuel the crazy!

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 24/03/2015 21:58

lil seen as its your big birthday, if he lets you down you can come round here and I'll flog you with some bamboo out of the garden and fart on you if you like?

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 22:00

I second ovia as shite! Also couldn't bear the 'you had intercourse! Way to go' crap. FF is much easier to read too I think.

WouldRatherHaveWine · 24/03/2015 22:16

Do you have to do temping on FF?

Hobbit19 · 24/03/2015 22:40

Yey Lil! Gx for some fun for you!
Welcome newbies. I use Ovia but also have literally no idea when I ice as my cycles as about 7 weeks long. Yawn. Also, we have been rubbish JSers so far this month. Easter holidays coming up though so hopefully I will be fertile then!

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 22:59

Wouldyourather no you don't have to if you don't want to!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 24/03/2015 23:18

Might have to have a look. I already have 2 period tracking apps that give estimated ovulation and fertile days lol.

honeysucklejasmine · 24/03/2015 23:20

Man, the tww is boring. Sad

WouldRatherHaveWine · 24/03/2015 23:35

You could take up a new hobby. Taxidermy?

lildottie · 24/03/2015 23:52

I think honey has enough hobbies!

fallen this is the link

well so far so good. he's ordered 3 things! and then we had sex instigated by him! had ovulation sex pain so hopefully well timed! and finished with the best orgasm I've had in a really long time. fun was had one! all in all its shaped up to be a good evening, long may it continue still not holding my breath

MyBlackCat · 25/03/2015 00:15

Shit it's a school night and I've had too many Wines - oh well at least it's the twpu, cd6 and working away from home so no chance of shagging even if I wanted too, I'm planning an Easter weekend shagathon when I'm back It's cd6 optimism.... in other news - is it bad that I miss my cat more than DH?

LaLaLaaaa · 25/03/2015 06:20

Hooray for a good shag lil!

OP posts:
SunshinePickle · 25/03/2015 06:46

Hurrah Lil I'm glad that your DH has seen sense. I hope he keeps it up!

I've got horrible low down cramps today. Should be around 5 days until AF... But I feel like the witch might arrive sooner.

On the plus side I got paid twice this month. I know I can't keep it but it makes my bank balance look great.

jellypi3 · 25/03/2015 07:16

Woo go mr lil!!! That's great. What toys did you get lil??

I'm really dizzy today :( woke up at 4:30 with the world spinning. Hope it's nothing serious! Also boobs are less stabby today so hoping the witch stays the fuck away! I've not had any more orange CM so can only assume I imagined it lol

SunshinePickle · 25/03/2015 07:24

Oh no Jelly feeling dizzy is not nice! I'm hoping the witch stays away for you. When are you planning on POAS?

honeysucklejasmine · 25/03/2015 07:25

Yay for Mr Lil! That's fantastic! Good man.

Jelly that sounds crappy. Sad I hope it passes soon. And that AF stays away.

Lil is correct, I have too many hobbies already.