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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

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21
honeysucklejasmine · 24/03/2015 16:28

Afternoon all!

Welcome Wobble! Smile

Well, I fell asleep on the sofa last night at 6.30pm, slept till 9.30pm. Then up till 2am looking at house porn in the north where its cheap and awake again at 7, then slept 8.30-11am. Who needs children?!

Then I signed up with the lesiure centre to do two aqua classes a week (minimum, £23 a month) then went to Aldi and Asda.

Then got hone, put stuff in fridge and had late lunch, wrote out 15 certificates for an enrolment ceremony tonight, and then empty and cleaned the larder cupboard, before reorganising and re-stocking from the weekly shop.

Do I win for most rock and roll day?!

I'm now going to crochet for a bit then off to Rainbows and Brownies.

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 16:30

Jelly I know. My LP is only 12 days though so I always manage to kid myself a bfp is possible at 10 ;)

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 16:44

wobble no testing until you're late!! and even then i'd wait until 14DPO. My LP is a pathetic 9 days, but I am going to wait until at least 12DPO but preferably 14DPO before testing like i'll ever fucking get there

honey your day rocks. My day has been sitting on my arse doing shitty work

lildottie · 24/03/2015 16:46

talk me down viroids. my 50something yo cousins gf has given birth today and his 5 older children (my age) are all posting fucking pictures. I'm going to be heading for cake and I need to stay on the diet!

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 16:47

I hear and obey!!

fallenstar27 · 24/03/2015 16:55

lil that's shit. First things first, step away from Facebook for a while then hopefully it wont feel like a punch in the gut every time you innocently scroll down your timeline.

Cake is great but maybe you'll feel better if you stay strong and stick with your healthy eating. Someone mentioned Bridget Jones recently, a lame but brilliant romcom might help?

I'm the worst advice giver ever

honeysucklejasmine · 24/03/2015 16:58

Oh gosh Lil, that sucks. I would be "unsubscribing" from their posts for a while.

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 24/03/2015 16:58

wobble I'm officially late by 2 days and still wish I'd have waited.

lil is it his age or that they've already got tonnes of kids that's riling you? Block them on Facebook until the dust settles. And have a piece of Cake it won't kill you! Wink

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 24/03/2015 17:18

Ffs, Dh just got in and I showed him today's test (for the first time ever) and he said he could see a line. Then he took it to the window and said it was an indent in the card! Angry I suppose they were only £1.49 for 3 but they could at least make them flat! Angry

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 17:25

:( tink this is going to be impossible but try to relax and not think about it for a bit. Even just a day or two.

lildottie · 24/03/2015 17:29

I'm not actually friends with them on fb, its his other 5 kids putting up pics! have seen 3 so far so in theory only 2 to go! its the age that bothers me, and the fact he already has 5 adult children. stop stealing all the fucking babies! lol

have avoided bad food and am now cooking tea. had hoped dh might be interested in a shag when he got home as I sent a pic of me in just my underwear earlier, he's mentioned the pic and taken a real life peak at the underwear but then nothing! I give in. I want a teenage nympho to make a baby with Sad

5hell · 24/03/2015 18:04

lil he wont be laughing when he has to pay for uni education out of his pension pot, and other kids wont like seeing this inheritance spent on nappies etc?! (no offense meant re age really, just looking for a silver lining)

also, there must be something, even the most vanillary of things that gets your DH's attention...who's in his top 5? could you subtly dress up a bit like one and trick him into kinky role-play shag? Wink

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 24/03/2015 18:11

lil have you ever tried the reverse psychology tactic? Pretending that you're not in the least interested? Sometimes (like the week before af) when I'm not arsed about shagging Dh can't help but grope all the effing time!

Or, stockings and suspenders. They work for me. Although he sometimes asks me to go and put them on which pisses me right off. (Aren't I sexy without them, etc).

We're having chicken thighs and sweet potatoes with black cabbage. Might have to douse it all in paprika and garlic to get some flavour. Feel the need for something tasty.

lildottie · 24/03/2015 18:22

I wish reverse psychology would work. in the 2.5yrs we've been ttc I can probably count on my hands the number of times he has instigated sex!

5hell good point! Wink

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 18:36

:( lil your hubby really sounds crap at the moment. At least he's a great guy in other ways

MyBlackCat · 24/03/2015 18:56

Lil - you sure your not married to my DH? Your posts seem so familiar. Before we started ttc we hadn't dtd for about 18 months! The best I can get each cycle is 4/5 shags so I have to time them to perfection using contraband

WouldRatherHaveWine · 24/03/2015 18:58

Lil the geriatric parents would annoy me too. Ask them who goes through the most nappies, baby or dad?

Wobble im so happy to meet a fellow pissy stick addict!

Today has been such a long day, LO is no longer ridiculously poorly but is just grumpy while he finishes off the lurgy. Refused to eat tonight and is currently running around in his walker with a rice cracker. Won't eat it but goes ape shit if I try to take it from him have the fecking cracker so I'm hiding upstairs while OH entertains him and wondering what possesses me to do it all again Grin

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 19:02

What is contraband...

lildottie · 24/03/2015 19:05

doesn't feel like a good trade off at the minute though jelly

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 19:56

:( sorry it sucks so much lil. What would happen if you just grabbed his cock?

fallenstar27 · 24/03/2015 20:06

Contraband wobble is when the viroids use opks and basal temperature charts, which of course never happens ...........

fallenstar27 · 24/03/2015 20:13

In other news, I have what I am 97.8% sure is/could/might be pantsnot of the ewcm variety.

honeysucklejasmine · 24/03/2015 20:25

Shag, fallen, shag!

My most exciting day ever is almost over. Watching "Burger Bar to Gourmet Star" then "One Born".

Lil I think I'd have to write a list of all the reasons you love him, then recite it back when it gets difficult.

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 20:55

wouldrather, yay, a poas addict too!! Every month I tell myself I'll wait til I'm actually late. Every month I fail...

nightandthelight · 24/03/2015 20:57

DH initiated sex tonight! I too am someone for who this is rare so much sympathy lil and black Cake