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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

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21
ChatEnOeuf · 24/03/2015 12:12

Ooh, Tink I have everything crossed for you Smile

lildottie · 24/03/2015 12:16

tink back away from the sticks. I say this because as much as I hope and pray you've bloody done it I know how much harder the fall could be if you start to get too excited now. 12/13dpo in theory could show a bfp but could just as easily not even if u r pg. so wait until 15dpo to test. its just not worth the heartache to keep testing and seeing bfns and still be none the wiser.

as for ivf I'm STILL waiting for follow up appointment! grrr

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 12:18

bloody hell lil still? that's shocking

lildottie · 24/03/2015 13:01

its only been 4.5 wks jelly, but it says appt in 8-10 if ivf doesn't work on the paperwork. so about half way thereSad

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 13:26

that seems like such a long wait though?

lildottie · 24/03/2015 13:30

welcome to the NHS!

lildottie · 24/03/2015 13:31

I think they do it so you've had chance for cycle to settle by the time they see you, then it doesn't seem so long before you start ivf again. think they like to wait 3months in total

CarrotPuff · 24/03/2015 13:49

Well I didn't jump DP yesterday. I completely forgot he was going out for work dinner so by the time he got back I was knackered.

I think I've iced already though, although it's only CD11. Probably yesterday or Sunday. Anyway, I still should put my cape on tonight, but not sure how I'll manage with coughing every 2 seconds!

For some reason even though I hope beyond hoping it's our month (who doesn't?!), for some reason I'm convinced it's not Confused Anyone else has such moments? I hope it's just my inner cynic!

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 13:50

Can I join? I have been chatting for two months and it was doing my head in. Would prefer to be here :)

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 13:50

Charting, not chatting!!

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 13:55

welcome wobble :)

carrot i have months like that quite often. In fact I've got to the point where I don't think I will believe it if when I do get a BFP. This cycle for instance, we have done everything right, shagged loads (10 times in 14 days) and I know I am well into the TWOT now because my boobs feel like they are falling off but at the same time I don't think it's our month and I am fully epecting AF to rock up (hopefully after a 10 day + LP). It's depressing eh!

lil i gues that makes sense, still seems like a long wait. Would you try private funded IVF at any stage?

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 14:09

urgh i hate doctor google some times. I've just convinced myself I've got a progesterone problem because a) i've got a few spots and b) my post ov temps aren't that high....

Someone give me a hooyah

lildottie · 24/03/2015 14:16

hooya! jelly!

We only get one go at IVF funded here so any more will have to be private. Luckily we both earn well and have a lot saved (which we will be spending on the house so dh better get more work after this contract!)

I have left a message asking them to call me so i can chase it up on the pretence its because we are moving house though :D

wobble welcome, although if you don't want to be chatting your're in the wrong place :P

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 14:21

cheers lil, i'm getting my usual doom and gloom sensation already, this normally comes a few days before AF....

Also just wiped and had orange tinged cm??? could have been anything down there though!

CarrotPuff · 24/03/2015 15:10

Oooh jelly it sounds v promising, I've never had it but some ladies on ttc after mc fred were talking of "golden" cm as a sign of pg! Keeping gx for you!

Also last time I got pg I thought the witch was coming because I was feeling murderous like usual, but it passed and no witch. A week later DP was cooking some scampi and I couldn't breathe, the smell was so overpowering. He said I shouldn't even bother POASing Grin

Also Tink I will second and third everyone else not to POAS for a few more days. It's better to try to convince yourself the witch has been delayed and think "I thought so" than stare at that BFN and witch will still arrive. And yes, get a stick with lines so that we can all squint at it

WouldRatherHaveWine · 24/03/2015 15:16

Ha carrot I'm already feeling doom and gloom. Last time we DTD unprotected once and I panicked but was too late! This time I'm convinced my ovaries have shrivelled into raisins!

Hi wobble! I'm a newbie here too, still trying to learn the lingo it's far too much effort to go back and read the first post

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 15:20

i doubt it's anything good for me carrot i'm more convinced I imagined it now! fucking woe is me mood is driving me nuts

why are people at work total and utter bastards?

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 24/03/2015 15:31

lil I'm still waiting for results from January from the endocrinologist! Start chasing now if you want to be front of mind.

I poas Sad sorry. I'm crap aren't i? Grin I think it was bfn, squinted at it loads, never done that before. They've always been an obvious bfn before. This one is now in the bin in bits because I over handled it Blush. Will do an fmu tomorrow and share for your thoughts. I'd love to say I'll leave it til the weekend but I know I won't so I may as well fess up. Feeling less over excited now, I think seeing that white space is good for my over active imagination. Cross your gingers though. Smile

5hell · 24/03/2015 15:38

jelly i read your cross out as "wee is me mood" and wondered what's been going on with your wee, or if you were doing some intruiging wee experiment?! ;)

...too much time at the PC screen today me thinks

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 15:49

sounds interesting though 5hell lol

goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/03/2015 16:02

Good luck jelly! Hang in there!!

I know what you mean about this "this isn't our month" feeling. I think in a way though, I much prefer those feelings than when I get hopeful that something might have happened, only to have the hopes well and truly SMASHED at the end of the cycle. At least when you aren't expecting anything you can't be quite as disappointed?

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 16:09

Jelly not to get you too excited but with a previous pregnancy of mine had peachy/orange coloured cm. I keep looking out for it now!! I had to have a termination as was only 17 at the time so am obsessing now I'm actually trying to get up duffed.

My post ov temps are not ever very high. Never more than 36.8 or so (and that was unusual, usually between 36.2 and 36.5). I thought I would try temping vaginally next month as you get a more accurate picture that way (plus I sleep with my mouth open which doesn't help) but temping drives me crazy so thought i would give it a rest for now!

pinningwobble · 24/03/2015 16:11

Desperately want to poas tonight even though I got a very definite bfn this morning...have no self control!!! Am 10dpo I think, but temps were screwy this month so not completely sure.

fallenstar27 · 24/03/2015 16:19

Welcome wobble, sounds like you might need a hooya for early poas-ing ;)

Gx for jelly and tink

I've been working funny hours so haven't posted in a bit but I have been reading along.

I made the mistake of googling 'long cycles after stopping bcp', and now I've convinced myself I'm on cd13 of 12,352 God knows what. I don't expect to get upduffed straight away but I feel so anxious about not knowing where I stand with cycles etc.

jellypi3 · 24/03/2015 16:23

wobble you need a hooyah! POAs at 10DPO, almost doing a lemon there!!! Step away from the pissy sticks!

And stop gx'ing me folks, i'm certain i imagined it now!

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