We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Thanks la lil

country if that were my chart, I'd be expecting to ice in the next day or two. I tend to get a temp dip like that before icing (it's a thing in some people I think). Get your cape on!

temp dips are definitely a thing. I get a small dip. country is the red bars AF? if it is that chart looks fine as progesterone is still dropping during AF. can't remember what CD you are on.

I've decided I'm more like CD 12 based on when my temps stabilised so hoping to ice this time next week based on usual cd18-20 icing. so more cape action to drag out of the stupid miroid. not sure how I'm going to convince him to keep going. he's waining!

honey i wish i had a 12 day LP :( If I can make it to 10 days this month it will be a huge acheivement for me! I've had 8 and 9 days so far!

Hello everyone!!

We are SEXED. OUT.

As my cycles are short (25/26 days) I have my "fertile" days as soon as my period finishes - so we have had sex every day since last Tuesday. My shitty free ovulation app tells me I should have ovulated yesterday, so we had another go, but dh said afterwards "Okay. I think that's it now. There is NOTHING. LEFT".

Getting more pant snot than usual today though (cd 13), so not sure we really timed it right. Oh well.

This is the first cycle when we have both been in the same place during all my fertile days, so we might have gone a bit mad. If it hasn't worked this month, I think next month we will try every other day, and try and keep it up through the whole month.

I've been trying to catch up on the thread as we have been away for a few days.

I hope everyone is doing okay - I've seen a few people getting really down. I would strongly encourage consumption of wine and chocolate, possibly accompanied by some absolute shit movie (Sex and the city? Bridget Jones?) that you can throw chocolates at whilst wailing.

It helps to get it out the system sometimes :)

Gouda every day?! Do you not have a broken foof?! Hats off to you lady

gouda good work! we've done 10 days this month, with 5 in a row but you have won the SOTM prize

Deleted my ruddy post. First two bars are last days of af. Other bars are cm tracking. No sign of watery cm to suggest icing though?? I'm cd 13 and blank opk yesterday

Speaking of cuntraband, when should you, in theory of course, use an opk? Just before said shag, or in the mornings?

country when I used to chart I remember being caught out frequently as I'd go from blank opks to positive, no build up. No change in cm until the last minute either. Get shagging.

would cb ones are fmu. IC's are mid afternoon. I'd recommend the babymad ones from Amazon. You do one a day in the afternoon mid cycle (from about day 7) until you get a positive. They are pennies.

wine cheap opk's (like the stick ones) should be used about 2-5pm each day, which is typically when your LH will build up. Clear Blue OPK's can be used with FMU I think.

This is all theoretical though

Respect to anyone JSIng every day! I haven't got the energy!

Lil keep going definitely!

lil have you planned next Ivf round? Or are you giving it a bit of time? Gx for icing next week. I'd be giving him a few days off now if it were me. Then resuming shagging just before.

Gouda I hope my DH has as much stamina as yours and me for that matter. I don't really chart much of anything as I work shifts and am a terrible insomniac so temping is out of the question and I can't be doing with poas every day except when I've syptom spotted and convinced myself I'm pg so I am a literal JSer and plan to dtd as much as physically possible as soon as the witch had vacated. Was surprised to have managed to don the cape last night has DH has a stinking cold man flu so hoping I can twist his arm and he is up to the job for the rest of the week month

Wouldrather - I've always been crazy randy during my fertile week, so having sex every day has been great!! We even did it twice one day.... That said, yesterday was the first time it felt like a duty shag. Probably because DH didn't get home from work until 2130 and we were like....well we probably should so....

Also on the Ov sticks I think you are supposed to do them in the afternoons?

Jelly ten days is pretty brilliant! I expect we will go back to our standard twice a week once DH has had a few days to recover.

gouda I'm going to pretend I haven't seen any of your posts. Well u fancy a shag anyway so will cape up. Dh still not feeling great so hope he can manage it. Last month I had five days of watery cm before ovulation. So not sure really. I'd love to ice soon as that would mean a bit shorter cycle.

rio - Yes, temping sounds so bizarre to me! I know it must work for some people, but it sounds so utterly soul destroying! How do people remember to do it?? I can't even remember my name most mornings...

Someone talk me down. I feel the need to run into tesco and piss on all of their sticks!!

Tink why? Really, why? Are you late?

tink back down! Hooyah coming your way!!!

gouda i set an alarm for 5am to temp then go back to sleep. It's easy once you get in to a routine never temp.

Cd30!!!! 30!!! No signs of af, bfn yesterday. Am becoming a camel and storing all my wee so I don't have to see that af has arrived. The crazy has hit me hard today, can you tell

?( tink it must be so frustrating. So based on your "second" icing date, how many DPO are you? Wait until 14 then test I say. And get a FRER!

tink what day are you on your cycle? Regardless of when you might have ovulated?

Or do you have irregular cycles?

gouda we call our "well we probably should" shags "functional sex" it's very romantic (?!), but actually was quite fun in a weird way ...sometimes it's nice you go in knowing you're not in for a marathon sesh, esp on a week night!

DH feels confident he has inpregnated me this month, I wouldn't put any money on it tho!

I have clockwork regular cycles. But think I may have iced on around cd18 so would be around 12/13 dpo today. I really need to give it a few days before getting excited but because this is out of the ordinary I can't help thinking maybe we've cracked it. Just bought some pound shop cheapies to satisfy myself if I get carried away again.I also have no symptoms.

Functional shags are now my favourite. I've got into the fast and furious lets get it over with mindset.

gx tink i really am rooting for you