We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

honey I LOVE tropic thunder...is it wrong I find tom cruise's dancing at the end hilarious and very rather sexy?!

cant believe it's monday again already, although at least had a good weekend of freinds, food, long walk, rugby and seed shopping.

I'm CD19 and feeling a bit bloated/crampy...worried AF might be even earlier this month :(

jel not used and apps or temping so no advice re FF I'm afraid - go with your gut, it's not like it will actually affect whether you get upduffed or not

Morns. Woke up this morning to a face full of massive spots! I look like a teenager again :( AF isn't due for 10 days supposedly. Getting miffed and just want a normal cycle again!

OH actually asked if we could DTD tonight (romantic I know) so I guess it's been a while! Can't start TTC til next month so I'm thinking I'd rather a hot chocolate and an early night ;)

Morning Viroids! Nice work night we did the same last night. TTC has officially begun. Let the shagging marathon begin, DH will not know what's hit him.

lil I dont understand why people hide behind facebook. If she wanted to make up and be friends again she should get in touch. Ignore her she sounds a rubbish mate.

Yay pickle. Already planning my seduction techniques for this week!

Woop! I'm just hoping he doesn't get shagged out! Simple seduction in this house, nice underware and he's hooked!

Same pickle, have been to Ann Summers for some racy underwear :)

am i the only one with a DP who is like a teenage boy when it comes to shagging? he doesn't need any incentive or sexy underwear, if i even look in the general direction of his cock he's ready lol!

I wish jelly! DH was like that when I first met him. Annoying thing is my body is (IMO) better than it was then :(

Ha ha Jelly DH was like that but has less stamina now. About 2-3 times a week is plenty for us both, it just seems not enough when EWCM is in town.

maybe its an age thing then? Or a marriage thing! Once we get married it will probably stop lol!

DH is 23 so must be a marriage thing!

We are 2/3 times per week too. Although I have to enforce this with a rod of iron (not literally) . We used to just shag about 7 times around ovulation time, then go 3 weeks without any. That was a habit we fell into due to tiredness. I prefer it this way and we usually up the ante when I have ewcm.

So its CD29 here and no sign of AF and I have a cold. Am dispatching DH to the pharmacy for Cold and Flu tablets and a FRER I think. I really need some decongestant as my nose is really blocked and bloody but I don't think you're supposed to take them in the TWOT are you? Will do a FRER before I take anything jic. Although I might still be only about 11/12 dpo so a FRER might not show anything up.

Wine my mc was in Jan. I'm on my second cycle now. Still getting bits of brown snot My first post wtf cycle was longer than normal though. Cue 3 wasted sticks...

jelli my DP is the same. It's me who needs to be seduced sometimes! Although I must admit that this cycle my sex drive has really shot up closer to what it used to be pre DC. I've almost stopped bfing, could that be the reason?

Had a shag last night. I still have a rotten cold with horrid cough but thinking maybe I should jump DP again tonight. He's wearing a suit today - for me it's like sexy underwear for a guy!

Oooh, BTW, I had stabby up the fanjo pains yesterday - that's a good symptom isn't it?

wow you're all full of colds at the moment! Carrot i love DP in a suit!

Tink I'm going to give you a hooyah, but i'm also very excited and keeping my gingers crossed for you! Stabby fanjo pains are a good sign, but i had them last month and the witch still came on time! When's she due fpr you?

Yesterday jelly but I think I iced late so maybe tomorrow.

Thanks for the Hooyah, I'm getting carried away. I have no real pg symptoms (the stabby fanjo could well have been wind) but no af symptoms either. My boobs are not sore at all which could well denote low progesterone which means i'm still not icing .

Carrot my DH wears a suit every week day so my outfit of choice is white T-shirt, blue jeans and Toolbelt. Although when he's doing jobs round the house he'll often not shower before which kind of puts me off when I get up close

carrot 3? Is that all?! I have a bit of a POAS addiction... especially when I've been up to 5 days late!

What is everyone's cycle like? Pre MC mine was every 28 days on the dot, witch would arrive by 9am too! It's how I knew I was pregnant last time. Now its all over the shop

Would mine was every 30 days but 1 cycle of Soy and it dropped to 29, then to 28, and has been 28 for a few cycles. This one is already on cd29 but I took pregnitude and iced later than normal (hopefully). I think if you know how long your luteal phase is you can predict the day af arrives even without having regular cycles. You just need to find out what day you ovulate. (contraband)

would for me it varys month to month. Pre BC i used to have 28 day cycles like clockwork. Since AF returned in October after a 5 year absense, I have had 28, 27, 26, 25 and 17 day cycles. Currently it's sitting around the 26 day mark, although my LP is also changing each month, so last cycle I had a 26 day cycle but iced earlier, so my LP was longer. This month I have iced a lot earlier than previous months, so I have no idea when the witch will realistically show up, because my LP may have lengthened again (i hope!).

I have really bad stabby wind pains today :( But i'm not consitpated again!

I've never had same length cycles except when on pill. I even thought no one ever does until someone told me that some women do.

Mine are 26 days, give or take 2 days. So I always used to plan to POAS on CD29. But then 1st post wtf cycle was 30 days. So if no AF I'm determined to wait till CD32 or 33. Unless I get very convincing symptoms

Wine I'm not POAS addict, so that's a lot for me. Although I could easily become one!

Tink stabby foof sounds promising, gx for you!

I'm same as carrot, never been the same. Normal range is 23-28 days with 26 days the most common. I therefore plan my testing around 26 days (AF is usually early, very rarely after 26 days)

I can say with all seriousness I wouldn't test until 14DPO, but I know that if I reached 11DPO with no sign of AF approaching, i'd be so tempted to whip out the pissy sticks simply because my LP is 8/9 days normally!

Another grads baby has arrived! We now have a baby Boo and a baby Pis!

yay!!! i've just gone over to congratulate them! :D great news! lots of js'er babies coming now! you're moving up that list la