Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
Ainat266 · 22/03/2015 17:37

I will definitely have to try and teach myself honey. Maybe I'll make it a summer holiday project. I did try to knit a square once. It started off as (I can't remember, but as an example) 30 stitches wide and by the time I gave up it was more like 50 across. Definitely wasn't square shaped! I have no idea how I ended up with the extra stitches. I do have a crochet book as part of a craft set of books... I'll give it a go trying to learn with that and YouTube and hope I have more success.

Wine I'm with you on the shouting at the t.v. thing. But then I like to answer questions on quiz shows by shouting at the t.v. Blush

lildottie · 22/03/2015 17:44

you more than likely went into the knitting rather than the stitch ain, therefore putting extra loops on the needle. I'm pretty good at knitting as my nan taught me from a young age but I'm crap at crochet! honey is yin and I'm yan!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 22/03/2015 17:45

Ahh but that's different. That is us sharing our divine wisdom. And if it's the wrong answer it's just because we are testing them

justtheonethen · 22/03/2015 17:53

Good sunday craft chat, i have made three easter play costumes today.

finally got some jizz from the miroid, had sex twice yesterday eve and again this morning and he didnt come, was ready to ltb but luckily he managed to finish just now. I did an oscar worthy performance of hiding my murderous rage for the last attempt. Thank god he came, i may have punched him if not! Honestly, the amount of sex i have i should be absolutely dripping in the stuff. So frustrating and time consuming!

lildottie · 22/03/2015 18:31

at least my twat of a miroid does produce the goods every time without fail. silver linings! just why doesn't he come? is it psychological?

justtheonethen · 22/03/2015 18:54

There you go then lil! Yes hes always been like it. V easily put off, pressure gets to him. He's been better recently after a big chat (before i was lucky if he came once a month) but i do find it incredibly frustrating.

auroraboringalis · 22/03/2015 19:09

Gosh jelly I think your chart looks great. It's jaggedy but repetitively so iyswim and when I've been browsing the charting galleries I've come across tons of those before icing, and then the rise and more stable flatter lines after icing. My chart is up and down completely randomly with as much as a whole degree at some places and only .1 or .2 in others. I remain jealous of yours regardless! Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 22/03/2015 19:15

Aurora are you a mouth breather? If its that jagged you should consider shoving it up your fanny rather than in your mouth. It is much more consistent done there. And honestly, its not as horrifying as it sounds.

auroraboringalis · 22/03/2015 19:16

just I was once seeing a guy who was like that. I have to say I found it very distracting myself as I was always wondering if he spends all his time while at it wondering if he was going to manage and wondering what that might be like. I didn't love him at all so I guess it is different with how you perceive the sex part. Dh is super in that department but if he wasn't i sure it probably wouldn't bother me since I love him. Except, as you say, on the ttc front. I guess whispering in his ear 'picture all the lovely sleepless nights and baby vomit' to try and get him to come in the moment isn't very erotic? Grin

auroraboringalis · 22/03/2015 19:20

Hah honey! The temperature foofing! Grin
I might be a mouth breather (have never asked anyone!) but it is more the disrupted sleep during the night because of dc I think. I use an ear thermometer, but maybe I should think of taking up the fanny stick anyway.

Jcandy · 22/03/2015 19:21

Had a chat with the neighbours and they were lovely! Just normally keep themselves to themselves. They wanted to paint the fence too so have decided on green to match Smile

justtheonethen · 22/03/2015 19:27

aurora yes it doesn't normally bother me, i always get my rocks off Wink
I love the mantra, I'll try that.

Ainat266 · 22/03/2015 21:55

wine I like your thinking. Grin

Lil you are probably right, but I have no idea! I will learn how to do these things... One day...

My mood has plummeted dramatically this evening. I am almost certain it is because I am overtired. We got back from Manchester at 2am this morning. Haven't recovered from my weekend. I have tummy cramps too which aren't helping.. Time to try and get a good night's sleep.

Hobbit19 · 22/03/2015 22:31

Who is testing next Viroids? There are loads of us now, we must be due a BFP!

lildottie · 22/03/2015 23:34

no me, still waiting for wtf icing! did get a jizz top up today though and all things considered he could've scored worse

viroids a woman I was really good friends with where I used to work has sent me a friend request on Facebook tonight. thing is she deleted me from Facebook after I was forced out by the owners left there. I never had anything against her but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her as she gave a them a statement I pulled to pieces kinda not her fault as she was asked to give it a month after the fact and didn't stick up for me one bit despite agreeing with me to my face. she's cheated on her husband since I left which I would never in a gazillion years have expected her to do so she's clearly hit mid life crisis. I left 18months ago. how do I know if this is a genuine attempt to be friendly and not my ex employers trying to find out what I'm up to (I'm now their direct competition and my employment contract clause to stop me nicking their clients end December this year). what would you do?

SunshinePickle · 23/03/2015 06:20

Lil I'd just ignore her friend request. You don't want to be worrying that everything you put on Facebook is going to be fed back to your old employers.

fallenstar27 · 23/03/2015 06:39

lil I'm with sunshine, I'd not bother, too much hassle by the sounds of it.

If she wanted to make amends she would/should have sent a private message alongside the friend request in my opinion.

Dh is off work for a week so yesterday he painted the nursery spare room a lovely shade of green. I start work at 12 so might manage to squeeze in a quickie before I leave.

jellypi3 · 23/03/2015 07:13

Morning viroids. I had such a terrible nights sleep :( think i must have got about 3 hours in total. Bags under my eyes make me look like I've been punched. So no temp for me this morning.

pud AF is due 30th for me but I'll test around the 4th if AF is late.

honeysucklejasmine · 23/03/2015 07:44

Lil I wouldn't! I would steal their clients though. Wink

I am now 3dpo. Yay. I'm due just before Easter weekend, which is my wedding anniversary. This could be great or really fucking depressing.

jellypi3 · 23/03/2015 07:57

Honey we are in sync again! I'm 3DPO (although FF is telling me I'm 4DPO).

honeysucklejasmine · 23/03/2015 08:04

Cycle Buddies! high five

nightandthelight · 23/03/2015 08:04

Donned the cape yesterday for the first time this cycle :) just need to fit in as much shagging as possible over the next two weeks!

lildottie · 23/03/2015 08:07

morning viroids
I think u are right. must stay strong and not let curiosity get the better of me!
jelly that sucks. hope u have an easy day ahead.
I need to get out of bed and take dh to work ugh

jellypi3 · 23/03/2015 08:50

yay for shagging night :)

It does suck lil, i'm supposed to be going wedding dress shopping again tonight but think i'll just crash on the sofa instead lol! Getting out of bed is difficult when you REALLY don't want to!

jellypi3 · 23/03/2015 09:06

do you think i should override FF to make it so i Iced on Friday not Thursday? Or should i trust the app?