We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

maybe just tell them ur going to do it rather than ask! done right green can be OK, but it just wouldn't work in this garden. not may favourite colour either, I like a good deep browny red fence

jelly share ur chart

Just got back from cleaning the Guide Hut. Eugh. My back hurts. There's a church service this afternoon for town organisations so will be going to that too.

I'm now really paranoid that dh has been poaching his sperm. Will have to talk to him about turning it off...

'Poaching his sperm' whaaat? What have I missed images of poached eggs type scenes but made with sperm floating round my head

Ah but my favourite colour is green (hence the green car!)

OK weighed myself this morning and I've put on half a stone in the last few weeks (not loads I know but I can feel it) Need to start treating my body well again, it's just hard to get the motivation, especially when I'm craving sweet stuff and fruit just doesn't fill that chocolate biscuit shaped hole

lil here it is

JC in the hot tub.

I fell off the diet wagon lately, but I am determined to get back on!

Ah that makes a lot more sense honey! Also a good analogy much better than where my thoughts had taken me

Ooh honey that's fab!
lil I'm so sorry it's still messy down your end. Maybe the compromise isn't what you expect it to be (I.e. Ttc sex or not ttc sex) maybe it is something else? I don't know what, but maybe that is what a short term bit of therapy could help out with? Pinpointing something which might have passed you both by even though you communicate well?
Here the drought has finally broken and we are back in the saddle. Not close to icing yet I think but if there is a sudden Avalanche of eggs we will be ready!

jelly am jealous of your chart. I don't know much but it looks textbook!

Hi viroids,

Not much shagging going on here. Yesterday DS woke up an hour after he was put to bed and it took us 2 hours to get him back to sleep. We were both exhausted...

Today I'm full of cold However, I'm still planning to get that cape on, as I'm getting some suspicious pant snot. It was slightly brown yesterday - I never spot mid cycle, so not sure what that was - leftovers from AF (as it was only CD8)? Don't think it was icing as it was a bit too thick... But then who knows, I think I'm broken after the mc. If it was icing, I hope a shag on CD6 would have covered it...

It would seem you viroids have been busy! I've been away this weekend (at a wedding) and have a few days worth of stuff to catch up on... Off to have a read!

Carrot I'm still all messed up from my MC in December. When was yours? I've been reading it's common to take at least 6m! So now I'm more convinced it will take us ages this time

Looks like you iced jelly! BUT is Saturday's temp as it should be? Mine rocket up if I have a hangover? Let's face it though, if you have iced you have definitely drowned that egg in jizz!

lil I don't really know what to say but just wanted to give you a very un-mn like hug. I think you have both been through so much crap over the last few years, you are obviously a strong couple, you will work through this

thanks mountain

jelly I'd not say text book, its quite rocky pre icing. I think the dotted line is because Fridays temp is only just above cover line. I think you ovulated Friday, possibly Saturday depending on what is off with that temp.

I haven't had sex since Tuesday. dh thought wed done it a couple if days ago. honestly the man is a nightmare!

have done bugger all study, we went shopping for things for the new house instead. was nice to get out and do something together.

wine keep forgetting to ask what do you do that means u have clients asking for tax and sending you running?

Yeh I don't think it's normal, my pre ice temps have been all over the place this month and my post ice aren't very high. My Saturday temp is an open circle because I took it too early. So fuck knows what's happening :(

Thanks for the insight tho

I reckon I iced Friday tho, I has stabby pains Friday and nothing yesterday and sore boobs began yesterday!!

What would cause pre ice tempts to be so rocky?

I don't think it's unusual to have erratic temps, so long as there is the shift in the middle there shouldn't be anything to worry about

all sorts jelly but like mountain says as long as you get the thermal shift its not a cause for concern. I could be simple as the mornings getting lighter so you're in a lighter sleep, or the fact the outside temperature is changing a lot lately. I find wearing socks to bed some nights can impact on my chart!

Fair enough. I'm not too worried, I'm fairly certain I've iced this cycle and I'm going to assume it was Friday not Thursday and go with that :) so I'm 2DPO!

We won our football game 6-1 today!

What an epic catch up! That took me a while to read through. I've only been away a couple of days! Definitely some giggles though, DH keeps giving me weird looks for letting out little giggles every now and then. It's okay - In return I'm giving him almost teacher style stares over the top of my glasses for shouting at the football on the t.v...

Only... Now I can't remember who said what! So apologies if I link the wrong names to the wrong things!

Hello to the newbies that I missed sneaking in.

Sorry to those that have had a visit from the witch.

Sky - that is a beautiful unicorn poo. I'm sorry that many of the viroids were using the app and missed it.

Jelly - Happy birthday, and congratulations on the birth of your poo baby. (There's a sentence I never imagined I would say).

Lil - I'm sorry you're having problems with DH. Maybe we should get our DH's together and demonstrate how the toys should be used. Wonder if that would work to getting them both up pun intended and ready for trying out some new things. Seriously though, my DH is getting better over time, still a bit vanilla for me, but it sounds like you're both open to talking about things together and you're already trying the things that are working a bit for us. In between shagging with DH I do have to entertain myself sometimes (sometimes with help from a buzzy friend/the internet). Sorry I haven't really got any good advice.

honey That is beautiful. I wish I could crochet. I keep saying I'm going to teach myself, but I still haven't managed to even start to try. Same goes for knitting, learning a language, and numerous other things! I can cross stitch, and I like to draw when I have the time, but yea, would love to learn how to crochet. How did you learn? Did someone teach you?

JC I'm glad you're having a good few days. A good few days feels amazing after feeling like you've been consumed by darkness. I find that sunny weather and being productive help me too! Did you decide what colour to paint the fence? We've just put up a new fence and it needs some sort of paint to ensure that it's protected from the elements.

Wine how is your little one doing?

Woop Jelly. 6-1 is a great score. Also the same score as the hockey match I went to last night (in our teams favour).

Ainat he's been asleep for 2.5hours! I know they say never wake a sleeping baby but I keep checking he's still alive by poking him!

Lil I'm a mental health advisor, so I ended up giving a lot of benefits and financial advice

Wine, Carrot, my cycles were perfectly normal post mc. Perfectly regular, no spotting, nothing. So don't worry if they aren't all over the place! But if you are, don't worry either!

Thanks Ain! I leaned that technique from a YouTube video! But I taught myself to crochet using a magazine I bought it tesco called "Let's Get Crafting: Knit and Crochet."

I hate TV shouting, do think it will change the outcome?!