We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

[LaLaLaaaa]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Also i made a patchwork quilt for that very purpose! Ended up giving it to my sister though when she got pregnant so ill have to make another. Also gave one to my friend when she had a baby and she and her dh cried-hopefully because they were tired and emotional not because of my rustic wonky looks like a rat has chewed it stitching!

Yeah, it was a wedding present! We have a gazebo over it but we took it off over winter so we could star gaze. We are very well behaved in our hot tub.

They cried? Wow, now that's gratitude!

honey that is sooo cool. can't believed u figured out the pattern. very thrifty!

I want a hot tub. wondering if I'd be able to fit one in my new conservatory once we move!

Ooh, so I could be icing on the cd17, how excitingly early. (Let's try not to think about how thought I iced 5 times last cycle). And I have put my biology brain back on instead of mentalist ttc brain and realised that there is no way you could feel fertilisation as there are no neurones in egg cells. Idiot! Gives oneself a slap and a talking to. Will go for a morning top up too. ?
Saliva might be okay for sperm ladies buy not so sure about the hot tubs. Aren't miroids supposed to keep their man balls cool?

Ha ha yeah, we don't use it in the fertile phase. His balls are nice and cool (I assume!) when it matters.

But if no luck soon, I might ban him from hot tub in the post AF, pre TWOT period.

Ha ha yeah Lil, but I think the word you're looking for is "tight". I figure as long as it's personal use, its fair game, right? I'm just going by pictures, after all.

Gawd you lot have been busy. Am I the only one who has a boring average sex life? ! I even hate morning sex!

Baby is poorly. It's been a looong few days here

Ha ha honey in my dirty mind 'a session' in the hot tub meant you were shagging in it!

Talking of balls, aren't we always, my dp is always in the bath, hope this cycle works as i wont be popular if i suggest he stops them.
Are we ok to have baths? Am i a moron for not knowing?

wine sorry baby poorly, imagine baby rather impedes sex life

if ur tight then I am too honey!

so today I packed up all my "equipment" for want of a better word and I'm feeling quite sad/pissed off/fed up. I'm really upset he can't won't do this for me. this is one of 2 major things he won't do, the other is going dancing with me. anything he asks me to do with him I do, down to standing in cold fields so he can take pictures of the sunset! but I think in the long term I'm better off accepting it as it is than hoping he'll change. we talked more this afternoon and he didn't even bother saying he'd try harder. that upset me more tbh. I know he's worrying I'm going to leave him. we've had a very cuddly night on the sofa but still no fucking shag, even a vanilla one!

lil is it not worth considering psychosexual therapy? Got to be worth trying everything rather than just putting your needs to one side. You won't stop feeling that way and if it turns to resentment then that will colour how you see the rest of your relationship.

Really feel for you, i have been in a similar situation before and i know how hard it is to feel frustrated/that they dont care about your needs. Just remember that it is not a reflection of how he feels about you. Is it an insecurity thing? Could he be pretending its not his thing because hes worried about not being up to your expectations?

No one should have to settle for vanilla sex, everyone (even those having what we consider vanilla sex) should think theirs is the best.

Sorry if that was pushy. You just seem lovely and don't like hearing you down!

Have woken up really hot, think it's fucked this mornings temp got no bearing on anything ever

What did he say to you packing it away Lil?

Morning viroids.

FFS says i iced on the 19th for some reason, so I'm now 3DPO. So our 5 days in a row shag was for nothing haha, except for fun. It's given me a dotted line tho, don't know why.

lil :(

just I've googled psychosexual therapy and that's basically what we did before, albeit for a different reason. I asked him if he thought we should have counseling and he said he didn't think it would help as that's for people who can't talk about stuff whereas we do talk. I agree with him, I don't think any more can be gained from bringing in an outsider. but you aren't pushy, and I appreciate the suggestion.

honey he said nothing.

so what's everyone doing today? I did zero study yesterday and wanted to get the last 8 chapters finished this weekend so that's my day mapped out!

Lil I'm so sorry you're having a hard time over this. I know how frustrating it is.

Today we are off to b&q to get a special shaped light bulb. Here's hoping I won't have to shower in the dark tonight. I'm also expecting to have a grizzly boy attached to me all day!

What are you studying by the way

I'm doing exams to be a chartered tax advisor. only one left on 6th May!

I read that as u were going to a BBQ to get a light bulb! I was like

jelly the dotted line means it isn't sure coz its only taking it from one reading such as your temp. That's what I've got this month. Have you put in your cm readings too?

I'm sorry you're going through this lil the mc has obviously brought this to the forefront. I hope you can work it out between you but I do think he's being a bit unreasonable to not keep trying.

Not sure our plans are today, was going to paint the fence but I looked at our deeds and realised it's the neighbours fence so I need to ask them first trouble is they aren't that friendly so no idea what they're gonna say!

JC I'd just paint it, otherwise they could cause u of not looking after your side and ask u to pay towards it when it needs replacing. no one expects to get permission to paint a fence. just don't do what ours did - painted it green very liberally and it splashed down through the slats to our side. I dont like a green fence so was fuming, went out and told him to be more careful!

oh jelly yes dotted line basically means its not sure so keep temping a bit longer and keep shagging.

Okie dokie I'll keep temping and shagging!!

I think it's because I put in EWCM on the 20th but it thinks I iced on the 19th.

OMG you clever thing, every time my clients want help with anything tax or tax credit related I die a little inside... One left though! How amazing, good luck to you

I don't think they've painted their side, and I'm not that proficient with a brush so could end up splashing it everywhere Just don't want to fall out with them! Oh and I my fence is probably going to be green