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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

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21
Niffertiti · 21/03/2015 19:05

Be careful fallen. My DH did that to me once. I had to lie with a cold flannel between my legs for quite some time. No sex was had. None at all...

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 19:08

Ha ha fallen my sis recently had a chilli related sexscapade, get the yoghurt on standby!

Help viroids, peak day today but dp been working and not back until 9, ideas to get a potentially already shagged out, tired miroid on board? I was all saucy on phone earlier and he sighed!

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 19:22

I've done it to myself before! Have been very careful ever since!

Oh dear just, I must admit I laughed a little at "he sighed". Will he accept a quick shag if you promise to let him recover for a few days after? How do you know it's peak day? cuntraband?

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 19:43

Cuntraband? Absolutely not yes im an addict to anything you wee on

To be fair i laughed too, and told him to be careful what he wishes for. I have a high sex drive but his is through the roof! I would love a quickie but it takes him years to come if he does at all

Thinking a bj to start proceedings, no man resists that right?! Got to be careful though, i dont want to start a precedent

Whats everyone up to tonight? Anyone else being really dull and watching shit tv like me? Should be sewing costumes for easter show but cant be bothered!

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 19:48

I'm trying to steer clear of any of that for the first few cycles (I don't even know what my cycle length will be so there's no point), and I could never temp as I do shift work, and wake up every few hours anyway.

I can't be the only person who loves a good bj? He gets one every time, although I read somewhere that saliva isn't great for the swimmer folks.

We're just waiting on dinner cooking before getting some, then maybe a movie I think. Quiet here tonight huh.

jellypi3 · 21/03/2015 19:48

Hello everyone. Thanks for the bday wishes! I've had a great day with family and friends. Watching some game of thrones now and will shag later! Think I iced yesterday but temp didn't spike a great deal. Boobs sore today tho which I get post icing. Today will be 5 days in a row shaggging

Hobbit19 · 21/03/2015 19:54

Does anyone else get spotting when they ice? Is this a thing? I've had two really small spots/streaks in EWCM the last 2 days. Also convinced that I felt the egg being fertilised when we DTD this afternoon. Not mental at all.

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:00

Tbh i do love a bj, but only after a glass of wine opens bottle
What is saliva doing?! Does this mean him going down on me is a no no? Tbh i dont think i can stop that even at risk of killer saliva!

Glad you had a good day jelly i love game of thrones! We are also going for 5th day in a row! tries to furtively steal sotm award

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:01

one i don't but sure it's a thing. Ooh thats a bit woo for me but people do say they feel it!

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 20:16

Five in a row! Congratulations viroids (& miroids!)

I'm starting to doubt myself now just but I have vague recollections of reading this, will go Google it!

Can't help with icing questions unfortunately one, just keeping my fingers crossed that my body remembers how to!

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:22

fallen don't google 'saliva sperm' got some interesting results! But in amongst the 'sperm loving hos' i found you are right!

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 20:25

I went for the classier "do blow jobs affect conception" haha!

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:25

Also apparently sperm count is higher in the morning! needs to stop googling sperm

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:26

fallen just choked on wine, you're so classy

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 20:32

I am aren't I! Intriguing just, we don't often bother in the morning at weekends but I might bring it up. Haven't mentioned the saliva thing to dh, he might change his mind about ttc hah.

jellypi3 · 21/03/2015 20:43

the saliva thing is total bs. You would literally need to smother your DH's sperm in saliva and he drench you fanjo in it to make any difference at all. Don't panic :)

And yes ovulation spotting is a thing.

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:44

Dp would def prefer a bj! Love a morning shag at just towers

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 20:47

Progress picture! Added white borders as I am going as they are a giant pain in the arse to do if it gets too big.

You lot are gross. I would never talk about jizz and BJs and the like.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!
justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:48

Well done jelly you really are the fanjo queen. Semi fanjo drenching will continue

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 20:52

honey thats lovely!

picklethistle · 21/03/2015 20:59

honey that's beautiful! Is it crochet?

nightandthelight · 21/03/2015 21:04

Great news about the early morning sperm! Going for a lazy Sunday morning shag tomorrow so let's hope that's true :) will definitely try to incorporate more morning shenanigans in!

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 21:39

Glad to hear it jelly although he didn't get one tonight anyway!

Trying to decide if it's selfish of me to fuck off to bed now that I've got what I was after hah.

Looking fab honey, how big is it?

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 21:49

Thanks, I'm really pleased with it. This pattern has haunted my dreams since I saw it so really happy to get it out! Its prob about 30cm across at the moment. Smile its going to be a bed spread/duvet day/ sick day blanket so the bigger the better. One of the ones you pass on to your kids so they better like it, the unconcieved bastards

We had a session in the hot tub and now we're watching tropic thunder.

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 22:07

You have a hot tub? V jealous! Hope its secluded!