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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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21
SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 21/03/2015 11:14

Happy birthday Jelly Cake and a Brew for your hangover. I applaud you. I feel rougher than a badgers arse after a few drinks because I am old You sound like a trouper!

lil how awful for you. I went through something similar with XH and then I left him You need to be really real with yourself about what you want and need right now and what happens if you do fall pregnant and your marriage doesn't fix itself. Flowers and an un-mumsnetty hug for you.

lildottie · 21/03/2015 12:20

honey that is amazing! I feel inferior!

tink and everyone else, I made it clear when we first met what I wanted in the bedroom as my ex wasn't into it and I knew it was an important thing for me and didnt want to end up on same situation again ha so at first he experimented to please me. as the years have gone on I've got more adventurous with it and he's got less willing to do anything at all.

sky I'd never leave him over it. I love him to bits and he's so amazing in so many other ways.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 21/03/2015 12:49

lil I am happy to hear that. Sorry if my comment came across as harsh, it wasn't meant to be at all. Starting over as a single mum was hard and terrifying even though I had plenty of love and support. I wouldn't change things for the world but my heart does break a little every night DD is with her dad and not with me. I didn't tell anyone how unhappy I was with XH as our problems were extremely personal and I was frankly ashamed of how I felt and that I just couldn't be happy with such a wonderful man. In hindsight we were a terrible mis match. It sounds like you and your DH have a much more solid foundation on which to build from. I hope you can find a good compromise.

picklethistle · 21/03/2015 13:30

Name: picklethistle
Age: 30
TTC: March 15
DC: none

Hello ladies can I join? This is our first attempt TTC exited and scared all at the same time Grin

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 13:50

Welcome pickle. I think pickle is one of my favourite words ever. Alongside noodle.

I'm in the same boat, first month off pill and very excited but also terrified.

picklethistle · 21/03/2015 14:06

I like it too DH calls me it all the time.

It's CD1 for me although I don't know how much shagging will happen today as the Rugby is on...

lildottie · 21/03/2015 14:20

welcome pickle cd1 is first day of AF, not first day after af. fx u get a shag in.

sky not at all. I'd be lying I'd u said it hadn't crossed my mind, but I dismiss those thoughts very quickly. we have a fantastic relationship otherwise and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to have shared the awfulness of the last 2 years with. he is my rock and I just need to work harder at remembering why I married him and forgot my other desires and do without.

lildottie · 21/03/2015 14:20

I'd u = if I!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 21/03/2015 14:27

Welcome pickle, lots of newbies!

Jcandy · 21/03/2015 14:47

Welcome pickle Smile

Got my lazy Saturday morning shag Smile

picklethistle · 21/03/2015 14:48

Haha total newbie! thanks lil in that case cd8.

MyBlackCat · 21/03/2015 14:52

Back home from my BFN ski trip, get to see DH and more importantly the cat for 24 hrs before I go away with work for 9 days. The witch is still here so no shagging but I will prepare DH for the biggest shagathon over Easter! he will be off work so no excuses. Any suggestions to spice things up? Not dressing up though but anything else?

MyBlackCat · 21/03/2015 14:53

Welcome Pickle - there are at least 20/30 mims between the rugby games today, perfect amount to time to done the cape Grin

auroraboringalis · 21/03/2015 15:01

Hallo pickle! waves
Noodle noodle canoodling. Because. Grin
Also, off topic but because it struck me this arvo, I strongly feel we should be referring to cuntraband from hence forth.
As you were.

nightandthelight · 21/03/2015 15:15

Was really hoping to get on with the shagging today as no sign of AF yesterday. Has decided to get me again though :(

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 15:24

Welcome Pickle!

I watched Wales game but have switched to watching Channing Tatum's ass Step Up.

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 15:45

Right, no productive shag, but using the Stork again (last one) so currently have a cup of jizz by my cervix. Living large!

auroraboringalis · 21/03/2015 16:01

Hah honey
Cup of jizz "living large" sounds like something you'd get alongside a mcflurry ! Hmm

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 16:04

Dh had a McFlurry last night. We had McDs. He didn't get me one. Sad

I mean, I don't like them, but still, its not the point!

picklethistle · 21/03/2015 16:09

Sadly working all day, don't think DH will be able to speak let alone shag when I get home! Maybe a night time Mcdonalds will ensure tomorrow's hangover is minimum

auroraboringalis · 21/03/2015 16:14

honey no! It is so-ooo not the point. He should have gotten you something else. Seriously. He gets an extra you get an extra. It's just fair surely?

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 16:25

Exactly! And he got a fancy pants special burger! He should have rung me to ask if I wanted a fancy pants one too! first world problem?

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 16:29

Cuntraband sniggers

auroraboringalis · 21/03/2015 16:37

First world problem. Good thing you live in the first world otherwise it would have been waa-say awkward!

fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 18:38

Right, it has been agreed. Tonight, CD10, will be our first ttc shag we're so spontaneous huh. Dh has been referring to it as 'practice before the big game', not sure he realises the big game could happen upon us at any time.

And I've been chopping chillis for dinner so I'm going to have to wash my hands a thousand times or our sex will be on fire for all the wrong reasons.

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