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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
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21
fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 06:36

Morning J, also awake stupidly early and hoping for the same but dh won't wake for hours yet.

Happy birthday jelly, have a good one :)

WouldRatherHaveWine · 21/03/2015 07:00

Tink I'm horrified! I'm sure some people have no shit filter in their brain!

Foof physio was very undignified. Basically I had a probe with electrodes inserted and then plugged into a machine to measure muscle control. Bionic fanny! I had to do pelvic floor while she cheered me on ("oh very good wine! That was a good one!") I also had scar tissue manipulation. Good fun!

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 07:29

Well, my temp is on the up, so it might have happened. Will hold dh to shag promise, but like fallen, it will be hours before he's awake properly.

Just it's claimed a beginnger could do it... I'll let you know!

jellypi3 · 21/03/2015 07:33

Morning viroids!!! I'm alive hanging like a bitch this morning

Epic catch up time (I'm never away from MN long enough to miss 3 pages!!)

lil give your DH a slap from me. He needs to wake up and realise x + y = baby, with x being him shagging your fanjo!

fallen thanks for the birthday wishes :)

tink what the hell re your neighbour? That's just creepy imo.

honey thanks for the stepping up with jizz tips!

I've missed a lot of people out, sorry!

I had all the EWCM yesterday. I also had 7 cocktails Blush Somehow we managed a shag, I'm hoping in the right hole. I've not checked my thermometer yet, but I can't remember if I actually temped lol!

Oh and thanks for the bday message fallen. Quarter of a century today!!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 21/03/2015 07:35

How does temping work by the way

Jcandy · 21/03/2015 07:37

Happy birthday jelly!

Dp snoring next to me, think it'll be a few hours yet.....

CountryGal4 · 21/03/2015 07:48

I've started temping

jellypi3 · 21/03/2015 07:49

would temping works by taking your basal body temperature each morning at the same time BEFORE moving, talking, anything. Your basal body temperature will rise after you ovulate and stay high until AF arrives, so it's useful for telling you when you have iced and when AF is coming. It does have it's limitations, and you can't use it to predict ovulation (like OPK's) but for me it confirmed icing. I think it's the only way to truly confirm icing because you can get positive OPK's but not actually ovulate but you can't get a consistent high BBT chart without it. (It's basically the increased progesterone that causes your temp to rise, making your body an ideal place for the egg!).

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 07:55

Happy birthday Jelly! Grin

jellypi3 · 21/03/2015 07:57

Thanks honey and jc :D I'm feeling very sensitive today lol

SunshinePickle · 21/03/2015 08:29

Happy birthday Jelly Thanks

WouldRatherHaveWine · 21/03/2015 08:52

Happy birthday jelly!! FlowersCakeWine
It sounds far too complicated, as soon as I wake I need to pee instantly!

LaLaLaaaa · 21/03/2015 09:12

Happy birthday jelly!!

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 21/03/2015 09:16

Thanks would and la :)

My chart is so weird this month

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!
lildottie · 21/03/2015 09:27

happy birthday jelly

I've given up on sex. if he shags me he shags me, if not he can deal with the miserable hormonal mess when AF arrives.

as for tying him up last night I said to him "one of us is getting tied up, its ur choice who". he floored me by choosing him because I know he hates it. I put handcuffs on him and went to get leg spreader and he wouldn't let me put it on. he looked petrified. it was fucking hilarious. I took the handcuffs off him then and said " you probably should have checked whose definition of tying up we were going with". this led to no sex and some talking as he brought up mc for the first time in terms of his feelings do I couldn't force it. talking led to talking about him not giving me what I need which ended as it always does, basically its never gunna happen. so yeah, I give up on sex.

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 21/03/2015 09:42

Happy birthday jelly

lil have you two always had different tastes in the bedroom, or has this developed over the years?

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 09:43

Eugh Lil that sucks so much! Does he understand how that feels? How would he feel if you stopped doing things he liked? E.g. I hate giving BJs but dh likes them so I do. But if didn't do what I like too, then I would stop. because I am mean and petty when someone is being stubborn

Jelly have a great day!

I'm kicking ass on this pattern. Its cute! Will post picture when its a bit bigger.

Hobbit19 · 21/03/2015 10:44

lil, that's rubbish. Hope you are okay. Flowers
honey, looking forward to seeing the blanket.
Did the park run this morning and got whooped by both parents, Urgh. Think I need to do some training instead of just doing a park run every couple of months!

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 10:46

Progress so far...

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!
fallenstar27 · 21/03/2015 10:49

Shock that's gorgeous honey

honeysucklejasmine · 21/03/2015 10:53

Thank you! It's turning out really well, I'm pleased!

Jcandy · 21/03/2015 10:58

Wow that's beautiful honey! Wish I could do that!

I second tinks has it always been like that lil? Why does he say no? What about it doesn't he enjoy?

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 11:11

honey fantastic, i love it!

lil that sounds tough, i think i remember you saying you went to counselling (?) But would you consider psychosexual therapy? Together i mean.

justtheonethen · 21/03/2015 11:12

Happy birthday jelly Flowers

WouldRatherHaveWine · 21/03/2015 11:13

Honey you're making that for me right?!