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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
Ewuakua · 20/03/2015 18:13

Hi Ladies, I've been having some spotting today and hoping you'll knock some reality into me.
According to pant-snot I probably iced CD14 and Im on CD28 now but AF isn't due till CD33. This is the first cycle I've paid attention to CM so not sure what my regular ice day is. Totally haven't been symptom spotting all month.
I've almost convinced myself that its just early AF (but also 100% certain its IB). I'm not quite the zen JSer I was aiming to be!

Love the willie orchid just

honeysucklejasmine · 20/03/2015 18:23

Ewu if it is AF, then I wouldn't be surpeised. That would give you a LP of 14 days which is perfectly respectable. Smile its the icing date that changes so if that happened early, that's why AF is early.

Just that depends, are they really dead? The flowers should fall off, then you're left with green stems, some which might shrivel. Its only dead if it doesn't flower again next year! You can buy orchid drip feeders at garden centre which you pop in to the soil and leave. Encourages them to be a bit more vigourous.

MyBlackCat · 20/03/2015 18:29

Honey - can you get drip feeders for DH's? Sometimes they could so with being a bit more vigorous Wink

MyBlackCat · 20/03/2015 18:31

Honey - can you get drip feeders for DH's? Sometimes they could so with being a bit more vigorous Wink

SunshinePickle · 20/03/2015 18:31

Just I love that flower. Maybe they can rename it the JS hanging miroid orchid?

Having a dilemma today. Passed my last ever postgraduate exam (woooo hoooo!), so a friend is bringing over bubbles. I'm 5dpo-ish and always said I wouldn't be too strict with myself while twotting, but now I'm all worried about a wee glass of bubbles. Can I have a hooyah (and a drink)?

justtheonethen · 20/03/2015 18:34

sunshine hooyah and Wine for you....congratulations!

honey def dead, will try again with a drip feeder. Agree miroid drip feeder is excellent idea.

Hobbit19 · 20/03/2015 18:46

Jelly, think you should definitely have the naked man flowers at wedding!

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 20/03/2015 18:47

Love the flower just, I am a keen gardener and have often fantasised about kicking the chair out from under Mr. Tink. So that would be a lovely addition to the cat ransacked conservatory collection! Fits both v. Well Grin

jc it's not just you, the eclipse made me well up too Sad

So, erm, no signs of af here. Cd27 and nothing. Either I'm still not icing and have zero progesterone or iced late and she's due next weekend. Normally by cd27 I'd have a sense of impending doom but nada! Cycles are always between 28 and 30 days. Am drinking rose to invoke Los. I won't be poas this weekend, there's no point as would only be 9dpo if I iced late. Very odd for me Hmm

ewu not sure but I think 14dpo is quite late for implantation bleed. It might well be a little breakthrough bleed though if you are upduffed. See how it progresses over the weekend. Might be best to wait until af is late to test though. Early testing while you're spotting is not recommended in my book. Gingers firmly crossed for you but now may well be the time to wait it out. Keep us updated Flowers

auroraboringalis · 20/03/2015 18:54

sunshine get your fecking postgrad ass in gear and have the champers already! Congratulations! Grin

auroraboringalis · 20/03/2015 18:57

just I love that the naked orchid men are wearing bonnets. Very cute. I plan to make dh wear a bonnet to sexy-bed from now onwards.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 20/03/2015 19:44

You lot are all oddly quiet tonight! Is no-one indulging my addiction and POAS? Or are you all off out drinking? Envy Wink

CountryGal4 · 20/03/2015 19:51

I'm on the gin waheyy. Lemons right who's pissing???

honeysucklejasmine · 20/03/2015 20:09

Sorry, browsing crochet patterns. Not drinking. Should change that really.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 20/03/2015 20:11

Have just made DH a gin martini in order to feel part of it!

Honey, put those patterns down right now and find Wine ! what are you making? I'd love to learn how to crochet!

fallenstar27 · 20/03/2015 20:29

Well I have a lovely Friday night epic bout of arse rain stomach bug. Quite fancied a shag too but probably best not too.

Nice orchids just!

lildottie · 20/03/2015 20:52

WOOOOHOOOOOO I've had a fuck load of ewcm tonight!!!! CD 30 - At fucking last!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 20/03/2015 21:07

I'm researching child birth. I want to know chances of having a home birth for 2nd if you had a traumatic birth with first. Posted on the childbirth board and got one response. Can't really take an average number from that lol

Jcandy · 20/03/2015 21:08

I've had ginger beer and wine Smile was delicious with the awesome burger I had on our date night Smile on our way home now.

Excellent lil is your dh up for a shag?

Lemondrizzletwunt · 20/03/2015 21:12

Wine what happened with your first? Did you have any risk factors? I have been researching evidence based home birth for 2 solid weeks so I may be able to help?

fallenstar27 · 20/03/2015 21:15

Woo lil

Hobbit19 · 20/03/2015 21:16

Great news lil!

JCandy, you sound really happy today Star xx

WouldRatherHaveWine · 20/03/2015 21:23

Oohh that's good to know lemon!

I was consultant led due to high BMI but was deemed a low risk. I had to have extra weekly checks right at the end as my bloods were borderline for obstetric cholestasis, but again in the end they said no and went back to low risk.

Had a placental rupture and had to be induced, and his heart rate suffered so had emergency forceps and an episiotomy but ended up tearing too.

Hobbit19 · 20/03/2015 21:39

Oh dear god Wine, that sounds horrendous.

EWCM here too, wahoo!!

Jcandy · 20/03/2015 21:42

Yeah pud I am Smile today had been a good day! I'm trying to simplify life and I think it might be working.

Oh wine that sounds horrible!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 20/03/2015 22:03

It's okay, I asked to be discharged from foof physio last month as there's nothing more they can do, it still looks like a train wreck but hey, who needs a pretty fanny?! And I can laugh without peeing. let's not talk about coughing or sneezing

I still have some nerve damage but hoping all this means the next baby will fall out quite easily!