Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
SunshinePickle · 19/03/2015 20:39

Cat that is hilarious, but yeah... that is also my month too!

Totally I can sympathise, I always want to POAS from 1dpo. So hard not to.

Jelly congratulations on the arrival of your poop.

nightandthelight · 19/03/2015 20:51

Spot on cat!

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 20:52

We have agreed to put the manic shagging back a few days so as not to peak too soon.

fallenstar27 · 19/03/2015 21:13

Evening viroids, you've all been busy chatting again! I've quickly read through. Congratulations for poops, comiserations for af's. And welcome fellow lurkers.

I'm the worst first cycle JSer in the world. CD8 and not once have I donned the cape. I think we're both a bit apprehensive knowing there's no birth control anymore even though we both want this. Strange.

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 21:17

Does this work?

We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!
WouldRatherHaveWine · 19/03/2015 21:21

Also just catching up. It's been a busy day of traipsing round the shops and feeling stabby towards everyone in my way

I symptom spot and we weren't even TTC! Picking up conception vits tomorrow. Can't stop dwelling on how screwed up my cycle is though and what that will mean for us

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 21:26

Whoa niff those are cray cray!!!

And yes gas and air was needed lol.

totally hooyah to you.

And lil stop fuelling the crazies

gaggiagirl · 19/03/2015 21:27

niff put your phone on charge! Yeah it worked. Mine dont look like that at all!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 19/03/2015 21:29

Just downloaded the MN app hoping it would make following this easier. What a waste of memory on my phone. Pffft

5hell · 19/03/2015 21:29

Niff are you trying to start a new white/gold blue/black dress international drama!? ;)

Jel I recommend hot water with fresh lemon next time you're a bit bunged up, helps things along. could go prophylactic and take it EOD to keep you moving

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 22:04

Oh my god Niff that's amazing! How weird! You type envy, you get a green heart! Crazy!

lildottie · 19/03/2015 22:19

NIFF I understand to poo biscuit now. That's odd. Ah well just another reason not to get a sh I te phone!

Well the latest here is h's idea of it being about me is to get me off, not bother with the sex and definitely no toys/equipment in sight. I did get a back massage tho so points for that.

Stoatystoat · 19/03/2015 22:55

Need to have a good catch up on everyone.

Thanks for your useful advice. I'm taking it on board

We talked via text and next month is the one apparently....which I guess is this cycle given that...

The witch just arrived tonight. I don't know how I feel. Sort of happy that I'm in working order as I guess that brings me one step closer. Also I had tummy pains with it earlier and that had me very worried and if it's just my period that's ok. Was worse than normal I would say. I should have had a clue as I am rocking Vesuvius on my face and have spent the last two days in floods of tears over irrational things. But I shouldn't be doing this, I should be Big fat pregnant and having a baby in 2015 and that's not going to happen now. BASTARDS!!

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 19/03/2015 23:25

There really should be a poo emoji

Lemondrizzletwunt · 19/03/2015 23:37

[poo]
[turd]
[shit]

Just checking.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 19/03/2015 23:46

[dump]

WouldRatherHaveWine · 19/03/2015 23:47

Bless you stoat, you definitely need wine. And cake. Lots.

I offered myself on a plate tonight and was rather bluntly knocked back as he's tired. From next month he will have to suck it up!

auroraboringalis · 20/03/2015 06:04

Hah hah hah. That poobiscuit emoticon is ridiculous. Cd15 I think. Maybe it is cd 4 or 22. I lost track. I'm expecting conception to happen by miracle as we haven't DTD at all for the last two weeks. Hmm

auroraboringalis · 20/03/2015 06:06

Flowers for stoat

jellypi3 · 20/03/2015 07:11

Morning shaggers. DTD 3 days on the trot now. FF suspects icing tonight but I'm not convinced. None of the usual icing signs except constipation and small twinges. We will see!

SunshinePickle · 20/03/2015 07:33

Oh stoat I feel like sending you big unmumsnetty hugs.

So it's Friday... What plans do you viroids have for the weekend (except for shagging)? I need inspiration.

honeysucklejasmine · 20/03/2015 07:38

Morning! I've not iced yet, temp still low. So will have to talk dh in to another go tonight.

Stoat if you get knocked up this cycle you could still get a 2015 baby. But I kinda like 2016 as a year. Has a good ring to it.

jellypi3 · 20/03/2015 08:09

It's my birthday this weekend pickle :) so got a family do at my grandparents and then football game Sunday

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 20/03/2015 08:14

Flowers stoat. Is dh on board with trying this cycle now? I hope so.

niff that is very strange, now I see why you thought it was poo!

honeysuckle Google karada bondage. There are lots of ways to use rope that won't affect your joints, if it interests you.

lil sorry dh is still being rubbish. Bodily you can get through to him and he'll pick his game up soon.

Thanks guys for the hooya. Is actually even worse than I thought, after this mornings temp ff changed my ovulation date to Tuesday. So instead of being 9dpo yesterday it thinks I was actually 2dpo Blush Do I win some sort of award for earliest poas ever? on the other hand, being good jsers we actually dtd on Sunday and Tuesday anyway even though I thought I had iced a week before.

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 20/03/2015 08:18

Oh I meant to ask jelly, do you know what cd you are? I thought your symptoms sounded tentatively promising. If you're on cd8 or something just ignore me Wink

Swipe left for the next trending thread