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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

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21
Jcandy · 19/03/2015 17:39

Interesting honey very interesting...........

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 17:43

Niff I think you need to take a screen shot of the poo dodger and post it! I'm so curious!

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 17:50

I wana see the poo dodger!!!

And get you guys and your fancy restraints. DP bought a length of rope for us!!!

My left side is twinging which is weird because I always feel icing pain on my right side. I feel off balance lol!!

Debating whether to go football tonight. It's cold. But I need the excercise. But it's really cold.

Hobbit19 · 19/03/2015 18:07

Tink, sorry for to hear that you pooed out ypu ovary/liver/kidney/lung. I did just burst put laughing reading that in the very quiet train waiting room!

Hobbit19 · 19/03/2015 18:08

Jelly, go play football! You will feel better for it!

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 18:28

Jelly my left too! Omg! And also Envy on the rope. Due to P =F/A, it would murder my joints. I need wider things like leather cuffs otherwise its really unpleasant for me. +opk today so told dh he's on it after dinner. Next AF is due before wedding anniversary. Won't mind not celebrating with champagne if I'm upduffed!

Niff we need to see these weird emoticons!

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 18:32

Yeh I'm gonna go football!!!!

In other news, I finally stopped being constipated today! That's all I'll say on the matter Wink

auroraboringalis · 19/03/2015 18:51

I would like to see weird emoticons. That is all. As you were.

Hobbit19 · 19/03/2015 19:00

Good to know Jelly, glad you kept us informed! Did you need gas and air?

TotallyAnonymousUsername · 19/03/2015 19:07

Can someone give me a slap? I just poas. I'm 9dpo and it's not even unicorn wee. Made worse by the fact I peed on an opk by accident the first time thinking it was a pregnancy test. It obviously showed a faint line. Then after I'd had some palpitations i went back and used an actual pg test. Which was obviously negative. Blush

I am NOT testing again until monday at the earliest.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 19:12

Totally WTF? Naughty! Hooyah to you! gx for a few days time though.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 19:12

Did you need gas and air?

ROFL!

justtheonethen · 19/03/2015 19:46

sky that's crap, sorry lovely. I had a false positive last month. It is gutting.

niff I love the cb dual hormone tests. You do them first thing in morning.

Talking of which, flashing smiley today, celebrated with a shag on the stairs!

CountryGal4 · 19/03/2015 19:47

Wahey back on the horse. God I feel better for a shag

justtheonethen · 19/03/2015 19:49

totally hooyah too early!

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 19:50

I would happily oblige but I have no idea technically how to do a screenshot them post it...

Does no-one else using the mumsnet app on an iPhone see a round poo-coloured circle with a darker poo-coloured square in it instead of a jammy dodger?

Like this BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

And this is a green heart EnvyEnvyEnvyEnvyEnvyEnvyEnvyEnvyEnvy

And this is a martini glas WineWineWineWineWine

lildottie · 19/03/2015 19:50

I have rope and cuffs Wink rope is great for breast bondage, no joints there honey

hooya totally but opks can detect hcg

jelly glad u got ur ryrthm back! lol at gas and air!

justtheonethen · 19/03/2015 19:51

country yay Star for you

lildottie · 19/03/2015 19:51

NIFF ur mistake is that ur using an iPhone, why would u do that.

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 19:57

Lil it is because my husband bought one. Then I machine washed it accidentally (I put his jeans in the wash off the bathroom floor whilst he was in shower- debatable who is to blame, I think...). So it broke and he bought a new one. But I took his old one to the Apple Store cos I thought they might be able to fix it. They did, so now I have an iPhone.

Then a couple of weeks later he machine washed his own new iPhone.

MyBlackCat · 19/03/2015 20:13

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

Niff - I see them on my iPhone

EnvyEnvyEnvyEnvyWineWineWineWineBrewBrewBrewBrewBlush

Don't feel so pissed off at the world now - think I'll go buy done cuffs and rope! Wink

MyBlackCat · 19/03/2015 20:21

So my cycles pretty much go...

Cd1/2 utter despair at our failure to do what we were put on earth to do..

Cd 3-7 - this will be our month we will break all shagging records

Cd10/11 start shagging...

Cd14/15 +ve opk... More shagging

Cd16 beg dh for one more shag and get angry and pissed off when he claims he's knackered already - what happened to your commitment? Threat to ltb

Cd17/18 feel really positive convinced it's our month

Cd 19-21 shit - should have shagged more, why didn't we????

Cd24-28 convince myself every symptom i have means I am upduffed, on constant knicker watch, every stomach cramp is my uterus adjusting to being pg

Cd29 - the witch shows up, utter despair

REPEAT - Anyone else??

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 20:27

Cat that is exactly my month too! You nailed it! Grin

Lil omg great point. Hmm.... Trip to B&Q I think...

Niff hold down the lock button and the home button at the same time and it will take a picture of the screen with an obvious shutter sound. There's a trick to it. Then when you next post, attach the image from your gallery.

Jcandy · 19/03/2015 20:30

Haha cat yes!! Every single month the same! apart from the month coz my cycle is fucked so I'm just ignoring it

justtheonethen · 19/03/2015 20:36

cat same, I'm cd 7, trying desperately to break all shagging efforts and got the usual optimism but also know dp will plead exhaustion one day soon and I'll plunge into despair at thought of wasted month.

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