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Conception

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We're sorry about your fanny - here, have a balloon! We might use cock rings and ear needles, but we definitely don't use contraband to get us upduffed - it's Just Shagging thread 41!

999 replies

LaLaLaaaa · 17/03/2015 19:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 40 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2320175-Lifes-a-bitch-but-we-keep-on-shagging-Weve-stocked-up-on-gin-and-pics-of-cats-If-your-Miroid-cant-give-you-the-big-O-then-LTB-and-come-join-us-50-shades-got-nothing-on-us-Its-JSing-40?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2322010-Calmly-and-regally-gestating-our-beans-in-a-land-of-obsessive-ILs-placenta-horticulture-sweary-doctors-and-naked-pancake-cravings-Its-the-JS-grads-thread-23?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
21
CountryGal4 · 19/03/2015 11:41

I think dh is broken. The last couple of weeks he's been light head and is having some intermittent groin pain :s. He's off to dr Monday :(

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 11:44

niff get the baby mad one from amazon, costs about £5 and it keeps your temp so when when do take it you can go back to sleep and then wake up and check it :) you have to take it after 4 hours of solid sleep!

lil :( sending some very un-MN hugs to you. It sounds like you and DH need to talk. DP and I went through a really rocky patch where we weren't DTD at all (pre TTC) and it just became a way of life. We had loads of arguments over sex, and it got really upsetting. We then had a serious chat and kind of broke down some barriers we had. Now we have a good sex life, one I hope to continue post TTC.

Just remember why you married him. And remember how he was through the MC. He sounds like an amazing person. Maybe the MC has affected him more than he is telling you.

Sky sorry for BFN :( Any news from Black?

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 19/03/2015 11:50

country oh no! feed him lots of Cake are you ok? You must be worried?

LittleBucker · 19/03/2015 11:53

One more newbie here!
been lurking for ages

Name - Bucker
Age - 33
CD - one rediculas cat
TTC - Dec 13 Sad
But you guys are making me smile!

AF due sunday

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 19/03/2015 12:05

welcome bucker!

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 12:08

welcome bucker :)

lildottie · 19/03/2015 12:56

welcome bucker

I have a message for all our lurkers stalkers out there...come join in! Grin

jelly we did the counselling when we couldn't have sex as I had vaginismus (sp) and it helped us to talk more openly. after mc he was all for trying again straight away with his new super sperm and was instigating sex more, then last week it just died a death again (when I put my sexy top on and was met by "I can't promise sex tonight"). I'm very open about what I want, and he says all the right things at the time but doesn't deliver.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 19/03/2015 13:15

I'm a bit gutted nobody reacted to my unicorn poop cookie Sad perhaps it is time for me to step away from the computer

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 13:46

awww sky it was a very pretty poop!

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 19/03/2015 13:53

Thank you jelly I might be a bit needy today afterall.

CountryGal4 · 19/03/2015 14:00

sky thanks. Trying not to. Just a bit concerned that it might me Ttc related or that whatever it is it may mean we might need to put Ttc on hold. Selfish I know.

Lurkers come forward we don't bite hard

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 14:05

Sorry sky I'm on the app I can't see it! I am looking forward to viewing it it once I've finished work today!Grin

gaggiagirl · 19/03/2015 14:17

skyit was fabulous!

MyBlackCat · 19/03/2015 14:40

So it turns out that skiing does not equal a bfp - AF arrived this morning, god knows what's happened with my cycle, think cbfm shit contraband gave me my peak too early as it was 2 cycle days earlier than previous months. Feeling sorry for myself, next cycle is the one we conceived on last year clutching at straws another fucking mc anniversary that no one wants Hmm

Really feel like giving up and accepting life with just fur baby's

jellypi3 · 19/03/2015 15:09

:( awww black that's crap. Don't give up, you will get your baby soon!! Life just likes to throw these fucking huge hurdles at us to prepare us for raising a child!

Jcandy · 19/03/2015 15:29

Oh black I'm sorry that AF arrived Flowers got my gx for you for next month!

It was a beautiful sparkly poo cookie sky!

Aww lil I'm just hoping my dp will initiate sex for the first time ever at some point. I mean my sex drive isn't amazing but I do still enjoy it! Love being tied up too but never asked him to, don't know how he'd react to it!

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 19/03/2015 16:07

candy and lil you could try these

Jcandy · 19/03/2015 17:05

Looks good but have you seen the price!! Shock

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 17:11

You can get much cheaper versions on Amazon. Trust me. Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 17:14

Innocent whistle

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 19/03/2015 17:17

Sorry that af has arrived black, someone on here marked a mc anniversary with flowers planted in their garden (jc?), might something like that help get you through?

Lovely poo cookie sky, my sweet potato brownies look like actual poo, not so appetising! Grin

I am symptom spotting like a twat. I have no actual symptoms but am drinking far too much Apple juice which has given me bloat and nausea. I wonder if this is how gwyneth Paltrow got her pfb name?

Also, I think i pooed out my right ovary! It was very sore, then when i "went" there was something odd in the pan. Of course I flushed it away instantly whilst clutching my pearls but now I wish I'd have studied it more. Wonder if it was just food related or my actual ovary? Or a kidney perhaps? Anyway, feel much better for getting rid. The right side stitch that has plagued me for 2 days has gone Smile

honeysucklejasmine · 19/03/2015 17:24

IANAD but pretty sure you can't poo out an ovary! Wink

lildottie · 19/03/2015 17:25

sky you're misunderstanding.... I have all the equipment, just no one willing to use it with me! lol
I'm on app so didn't see cookie either. will have a look in a bit.

black sorry AF turned up. Wine Biscuit Cake and Thanks

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 17:34

Sky I just looked on the web version at your unicorn poo. That's amazeballs. I like the fragrant squiggles especially.

But omfg the Biscuit is clearly a jammy dodger on the web. On my iPhone it's definitely more like a round poo. This is a total headfuck. Now I know why Pepe were worried about my poos.

Niffertiti · 19/03/2015 17:36

And the martini is a glass of wine instead...Confused