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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 03/03/2015 23:43

Hi honey waves eagerly back nice to see a familiar face poster. How have you been?

The girls are the best of friends but they are really different, which is nice. They bicker like sisters though so we organise lots of outings and activities which keeps things on an even keel. Sometimes they gang up on DP and I though! Fear what it will be like in 10 years with us all going through hormonal changes at once!

jellypi3 · 04/03/2015 07:09

Welcome back sky. Glad you are all better now :)

lemon did you POAMFS????!?

AF didn't start in the night so I'm 9DPO

Yay for stealth lunch shag lil. We know how lucky they are!!

OP posts:
auroraboringalis · 04/03/2015 07:17

ain it's difficult to find the right person. For me the first step is to admit what I want/need from someone and you have to be honest about it. So if for example you always felt more comfortable talking to or positively challenged by your grandmother and likely to hear what she is saying, maybe you need to consider choosing an older woman. If it has been you best male friend instead, maybe consider choosing a male therapist of a similar age to you. If you trust Irish accents, see if you can find someone who is Irish. If you think cosmetic surgery is stupid don't choose someone who you suspect might have had it as you might end up distrusting their judgement on other stuff. I think if YOU are going to benefit enough YOU have be selfish about your insecurities and problems. I cannot choose someone younger than me, for example, because I am very snobbish about my education and general knowledge and psychology background, and I need my therapist to know much more than I do so I can trust them with knowing how to deal properly with my shit. Conversely if they are younger than me AND know more than me I'll just feel very inferior and that certainly won't benefit me either. Also do trial them. I need conversation and a two-way street but you might want someone to ask questions the whole time. Or someone who doesn't speak much at all so you feel forced to say shit you don't normally want to. So, be superficially judgemental about who you choose at the start of the process. Being stuck with the wrong therapist (as often happens in th NHS unless you're lucky to be matches well) is not really helpful IMO. Do research. Check out the ethics websites and make sure people are registered with their various psychiatric or general counselling of Freudian analysis bodies. Don't let money be a factor if you found someone perfect for you! Rather give up on all the Costa coffees for a few months! :)
Good luck!

stoat Flowers

Hobbit19 · 04/03/2015 07:17

Yey for 9dpo Jelly! currently on CD48, if I make it to CD50 I presume there will be some kind of cake with candles?!

CountryGal4 · 04/03/2015 07:37

Pud there's a marching band too!! Keep your chin up pet I was in your position last month. Try not to drive yourself insane. My af turned up mere hours before a doc appointment to find out where it had gone. I proceeded to cancel said appointment. 4 dpo here snoooooore

honeysucklejasmine · 04/03/2015 07:40

Ha ha Sky, sounds like they keep you on your toes!

Jelly congrats on hitting 9dpo!

Pud... Cd48! That's sucky!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 07:41

Alas. No wine for me at the weekend.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 07:41

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!
CountryGal4 · 04/03/2015 07:42

Lemon does that mean what I think it means?!?!

CountryGal4 · 04/03/2015 07:43

Damn cross post. Waaaaaaaaaa

You wench lemon. Look at that!!!

Congrats pet

LaLaLaaaa · 04/03/2015 07:43

Why lemon, I do believe that's a line!!!! Congrats!!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 07:46

It's a motherfucking line!!!!!! Photo is not good, but it's really quite clear IRL, and about half the strength of the control.

I feel ab it sick this morning, but this is probably nerves rather than a symptom!

DH was suitably please and it made up for not having got him a card

gaggiagirl · 04/03/2015 07:50

Oh lemon my lovely lemon congratulations!

CountryGal4 · 04/03/2015 07:52

I want stats immediately !!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 07:52

Thank you all! It's still not at all real, I keep thinking some other woman must have peed on my test?

Have had a little cry but am mainly doing lots of random bursts of laughter...

Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 07:56

Errr, in true JS style I'm not really sure of my stats!

CD1 was 5th Feb, I thought I ovulated on CD9 and we DTD lots the week of half term, but speaking to you guys Jelly suggested I had iced later and was getting implantation pain, I think she was probably right.

That is no stats at all, really, is it?! Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 04/03/2015 08:03

Lemon! You beauty! Congratulations!

honeysucklejasmine · 04/03/2015 08:04

Who's going to hang around being a dirty bint now?!

5hell · 04/03/2015 08:06

well done lemon!!

will you be "on antibiotics" at the weekend then? ;)

jellypi3 · 04/03/2015 08:08

Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck yes lemon I knew it!!!!! So happy for you!! :) well done!! :)

Fred is off to a good start!!!!!! But yes, who will fill the filth void???

OP posts:
Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 08:09

Ah you can't get rid of my filth so easily! I will be here to disgust and delight you all for quite some time yet, if you'll still have me?

5hell I'm going to tell the girls. We're together so rarely and they won't believe an antibiotics story for a moment may have drunk in them before and will be surprised that I don't have my usual end of night crafty fag. Not sure about telling the parents though! maybe mine, not his

jellypi3 · 04/03/2015 08:11

I'm still feeling decidedly like AF is coming, like yesterday.

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 04/03/2015 08:12

Of course we will have you lemon. Stay as long as you like. The grads aren't nearly as filthy as we are!

In other news, my mini buzzy friend ran out of batteries!!! :(

OP posts:
Purpleball · 04/03/2015 08:18

Late to the party this fred

Name: Purpleball (NC for my changing shape!)
Age: 40
Ttc since Jan 14
DC: currently growing a date-sized bean due 24th Sept

Jelly starting fred was lucky for me so Gx for you

Stoat I'm shocked, they shouldn't get away with treating you like that. Hope you're ok.

Lil I'm not surprised things are getting you down. You've had a long rough ride. Good on you for the JS though Smile

Welcome to the newbies. I'm not sure who it was who is diabetic but I am too. It was discovered when I had a mc last year. Metformin helped me conceive but the warnings are shocking and I have to keep my sugar under tight control with insulin especially in the first trimester. Pm me if you want to

Lemondrizzletwunt · 04/03/2015 08:22

Guys when am I supposed to call the doctor?

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