Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

That's a shyte position to be in one. I want to get a new job but I'm holding off, mainly because my current job pays well and I know mat leave will be a struggle anyway.

one you may not get SMP but you would get maternity allowance instead which is same amount as stat SMP but not taxable income so may be better off than a job where you'd only get stat smp anyway. I am by no means an expert but I think as long as your earnings so many weeks before giving birth/edd are at least the ma amount you would get it. not sure how many weeks its for but may be worth you researching. any questions let me know as I'm pretty good at deciphering this sort of stuff.

I asked him again about a cat today. Still a no. I'll have to get working on it. Maybe I'll try keep sending him cat pictures... I would like to rehome a cat that needs it, but preferably a younger one, under a year or two. Of course a little kitten would be extra cute!

pud how long have you been teaching for? 5 hours of marking sounds like an awful lot if it's every weekend, plus planning and all the other stuff on top... I seem to have weeks where I have a lot of stuff to do outside of school, but other weeks it's not so bad. To be honest the weeks where it's really really bad are sometimes my own fault (I'm very good at procrastinating - talking of which I need to finish next weeks planning in the next couple hours before my mum comes over).

Hallo shaggers. I feel I should self-impose a ban from the Fred as no shagging has been happening lately at all and what is worse I am considering serious contraband. I am probably too late in my cycle to start taking it so maybe I can still hang around here until if and when I do decide to take soy isoflavones.
I should probably start shagging today or tomorrow. Seriously need a peptalk. Or gin. And some cat-loving.

Hi Ain, in my 4th year of teaching but took over the running of a v large department from September in a new school. It's been insane. I keep telling myself it will get better and the workload will get less but I don't believe it any more. New KS5 curriculum from September, then new KS4, we offer 8 GCSE from our department and 5 A Levels so it's going to be an epic amount of change!

You may be right Lil, I had a look at Maternity allowance but it teaching/HE ypu get good mat pay on top and we would need one or the other.

Welcome back aurora xx

I just made a BITCHIN present. Its a "red book" cover for the newborn babys growth charts etc, and was a request from a friend. It's awesome. To go along with a blanket. Will put pictures on Facebook group.

In other news: I'm banking on SMA myself. Except I don't work in the Summer so won't earn anything (unless AQA give me some marking to do ) but by now I won't be due till Christmas anyway, so should have a good 3.5 months where I can earn a decent amount.

Wow pud that is a lot of work to take on! Can you not delegate some of your work to others?
HE teaching sounds like it could be a good option?

honey love the red book cover. If When I get to that point I may have to make something similar... Unless of course you start selling them. .

I never sell anything I make... Just consider them gifts!

aur why are you considering soy?

One I am pretty certain that to qualify for SMP you have to work for 26 weeks by the time you reach 15 weeks before your due date, so basically you have to work for them for a week before you have AF and then get upduffed the following cycle, if that makes sense. You basically have to work for them for 1 week before you conceive. Ring ACAS if you are at all unsure.

Ooh, that's really handy Lemon, I was looking at a job application the other day and wasn't sure how that would all work.

My current job is small business who haven't had to deal with maternity pay in a very long time and its just SMP anyway.

Hey viroids!

I've had a lovely weekend My family came up to visit (and did a load of little decorating jobs around the house). Starting to feel a bit better now I've made a couple of plans in life, such as having acupuncture and deciding a time limit on how long I do two jobs for, has made me feel more in control.

You lot talk so much! Just going to read back now

Cheers one
I am pretty sure that my post-partum cycles are anovulatory jelly so supposedly soy will trick my body into producing more oestrogen and make my follicles grow full of eggies. Supposedly. Natural alternative to clomid. Supposedly. Anyway this here Fred is all about shagging. Not soy. I prefer gin anyway.

SHAG! SHAG! SHAG!

That's all I wanted to say.

PS Facebook Group?

Thanks Lemon, that's pretty much what I worked out from my reading today. So really, looking for a new job while ttc is pretty tricky. Weird how most of these laws are created by men. Hmmmm. Oh well, if anything awesome comes up we will consider putting the brakes on ttc. And if it doesn't we will keep shagging like rabbits so I can go off on maternity leave!

P.s. do what Sky says!

I'm watching Zoolander! Love it.

Sky someone needs to add you. Who's a moderator again?

i can add people to fb group. pm me your email u use for fb

Glad you had a good day J

Good evening helped to make my weekend a bit better. My mum, nan and grandad all came over for a few hours. It was nice to just chill out for a bit without my foul mood getting in the way...

Now, I have a question that I feel like I already know the answer to but I can't find it in the mush that is my brain... What are the side effects of soy again?

sky did you join the Facebook group?

soyis supposed to make you ovulate earlier ain. its supposed to regulate your hormones. its natural so don't think there are any side effects as such, although if you take it wrong it can delay ovulation.

I haven't joined yet but I will! The Miroid and I have decided to go contraband free. I do calendar my Day 1 and suspected icing but that's it. Going to do it the old fashioned way for a few months...

Thanks Lil What do you think would happen if I were to take soy for a few days? Bearing in mind that I am on cycle day who knows what?

I'd do some googling for soy iso's and pcos ain and see what you can find. you don't want to fuck things up if they are starting to sort themselves out.