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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
honeysucklejasmine · 13/03/2015 16:50

Tink! You brilliant beauty! Congratulations! Shag, shag, shag! Grin

theartistformerlyknownasTink · 13/03/2015 17:01

Haha! Thanks ladies

Lovely lemon i do believe congratulations are in order, no? Sneaky little bfp there whilst i wasn't looking Grin Well done you x

We shagged last night, i ran downstairs yelling at him to shag me following a major pant snot episode! He asked if he could finish his cup of tea first and of course i said he could i am an obliging lady and afterwards i cried and growled at him "it better have fucking worked this time". Aahh, romance eh? Lovely isn't it? Grin Will give him the night off tonight and climb aboard in the morning... maybe Wink

honeysucklejasmine · 13/03/2015 17:20

Ha ha romance and shagging have nothing to do with each other! Wink

jellypi3 · 13/03/2015 17:59

Lol love it tink. I'm currently looking at wedding dresses. I hate shopping so much.

OP posts:
Lemondrizzletwunt · 13/03/2015 18:05

Ooooh Jelly let me help you

Stoatystoat · 13/03/2015 18:19

DH says tonight is abit too soon

I don't know whether to start shagging this weekend and see how we go or wait for my period. Who knows when I'll ovulate?!

Niffertiti · 13/03/2015 18:22

Ha ha ha, this week has been a bitch but I am looking forward to some WineWineWineWineWineWine tonight...

I hated wedding dress shopping too jelly. I got mine from a shop that sold samples/once worn dresses in the end. It meant I got the dress I was trying on, rather than trying something in a size 8 or 18 when I'm a 12, and having to imagine what it might look like. It was also much cheaper than it would have been I definitely didn't still spend 1500 on it

Cheers!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/03/2015 19:01

I got mine from a wedding dress outlet. No way was I paying over £500 for something I wore for 8 hours! Wink

MyBlackCat · 13/03/2015 19:33

Great news stoat

Welcome back tink not sure we've formally met but I feel like I know you from creepy stalking behaviour

My next mc milestone will be 1 year to the cycle that we conceived never thought I'd be in this situation let's hope I don't see that milestone un-upduffed, 9dpo so not long to find out Grin

lildottie · 13/03/2015 20:03

Stoat so glad its finally over for you iyswim. re the trying again I'd say just shag when you want to for a bit, forget thile timing as normal cycle is out the window at least for now. cd22 here and nothing! that way you aren't not trying but the pressure is off while you continue to grieve. but if cycle tracking and actively trying again is what you feel is best for you then that is fine too.

tink I also missed u! mc was a total stab from behind in a dark room but I'm coping. congrats on icing! what's happened with your prolactinoma thingy?

out sexy clothes on and the first thing dh said was "I can't promise I can do anything tonight". ffs I'm horny, and your useless man! we haven't had sex since Tuesday so it's not like I'm doing a jelly to him and honking his brains out daily! feeling seriously fed up with my disappointing sex life. even when we do have sex he's never interested in doing the things I want to do. its just vanilla, I want strawberry or raspberry ripple! Angry

lildottie · 13/03/2015 20:11

haha put not out and bonking not honking!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 13/03/2015 20:32

Raspberry nipple, more like! Wink

lildottie · 13/03/2015 20:38

hell yeah lemon!!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/03/2015 20:45

That sucks Lil! Can you nag him enough to change his mind?

We're going to hot tub and drink wine in a bit. We've both been a bit snippy tonight so will be good to sit and chat nicely.

Ainat266 · 13/03/2015 20:55

pud unfortunately you did read correctly. Sad Off BC in Aug and still no AF visit.

Jelly other than the metformin they won't give me anything. I think I might try and book another appointment and make sure it's with a different doctor. The one I've seen the last 2 times has been pretty useless. The ones before that put me on the metformin and booked me for the ultrasound scan to diagnose the PCOS.

lil Thank you. I am trying to do the right things. One of the other teachers at school came up to me yesterday and told me that it was obvious that I was losing weight. Good to hear. Need to keep going. I have been doing well at cutting out some carbs and most of the snacking, but could do with cutting more carbs at dinner really (I'm doing quite well at lunchtimes...). Maybe that's my next step to try and make sure the pounds keep coming off.

Oh, I'm trying to make DH more adventurous too - it's working a little. We're getting there. Through trying to be a bit more spontaneous, sexy outfits, amongst other things. The other week I took a selfie in a sexy bra and sent it to him mid afternoon when he was at work. He was on me when he got home. Wink Turns out his boss almost got an eyeful too though as he opened the message in front of him. Or another time recently I picked him up from the train station in an Ann Summers police outfit with just my long coat on over the top. Haha.

AND.... TINK it's good to hear from you! Yay for the pant snot.

honeysucklejasmine · 13/03/2015 21:01

Ain you're my sex-capades heroine. That's just brilliant!

Well done on the weight loss, that's great! Grin

jellypi3 · 13/03/2015 21:07

Wow ain that's some sexy coming on!!! Go gal! lil maybe you can try some of those to get DH in the mood?

Me Jelly has bought me a surprise but he bought it with my amazon account so I got the email with the dispatch notice today. He's bought a cock ring, a blind fold, rope, handcuffs, and a new buzzy pal. So apparently I'm in for a fun night tomorrow Shock

Oh and saw a nice dress going to try it on in a week.

OP posts:
jellypi3 · 13/03/2015 21:07

Mr jelly*

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 13/03/2015 21:18

Wow Jelly! Sexy times ahead! I can still heartily recommend my multiple orgasm machine back massager. Very good at relieving tension.

lildottie · 13/03/2015 21:25

jelly I'm 50 shades of jealous. I have a spreader bar that never gets used among other things!

as for enlisting ains suggestions it won't help. I'm sat in a lace see through top and he's acknowledged it long enough to veto sex and hasn't glanced again.

ain its hard to drop the evening carbs, but switching to wholegrain is a good start. I slowly reduced the carbs and increased the veg to gradually switch the proportions around. things like blitzing cauliflower in a food processor and microwaving for 7 minutes in place of rice is good. I did that with Thai salmon fishcakes a few times and it was great. think I tried it with curry too. I've bought prepacked cod fishcakes and served with poached egg and green beans before (asparagus would be gorgeous with it when in season). maybe give those a go one night a week with the gradually proportion switching. you are doing so well. its not always easy to see ourselves, but the changes you don't see inside will be there! definitely see a different Dr. the right Dr makes all the difference.

lildottie · 13/03/2015 21:53

BTW I've resorted to prosecco Grin

Hobbit19 · 13/03/2015 22:02

Also on the prosecco, we are celebrating as the in laws finally completed on their house. literally any excuse. Glad to hear you are all being absolutely filthy good JSers. According to Ovia my fertile week will be during the Easter holidays. Get in!!!

jellypi3 · 13/03/2015 22:16

Aww lil mr lil needs a slap then!

I must say I'm quite excited about all this shagging equiptment arriving! Tomorrow should be fun ;) although I may be bow legged by the end of the weekend! Shock

lil that cauliflower sounds lush. Do you cook it first or just chop it raw?

OP posts:
lildottie · 13/03/2015 22:19

I'm bored. horny and bored. your all probably off shagging. lucky buggers.

lildottie · 13/03/2015 22:20

chop it raw then microwave it jelly

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