Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Viroids! Dropping in among the shagging equipment chat to recommend the we-vibe (again) - tis def partially responsible for getting me upduffed.........

Deffo going to try the cauliflower trick. Goes nicely with curry anyway!

A spreader bar?! Wow! We really live up to our title don't we! We have a collection in the divan base. No rope, it would destroy my joints. But leather alternatives are very effective and we have several insertables too. had to do something before PIV sex was possible

Trying to watch Legally Blonde (DHs choice) but DVD player making ominous sounds. So family guy instead! I may knit too.

Lil speaking of... My new obsession is the WI branded wool at Hobbycraft, soft and silky. Feels divine. If you get a few complementary colours and knit one, purl one on 10mm needles... Makes the most lush blankets. Also found a great pattern site for baby sandals and the like. Whistle and Ivy crochet pattern. Really easy stitches.

I feel so boring. We don't have any shagging equipment! He's lucky if he gets lacy undies!

I'm on the bus home after a few multiple work drinks and I'm absolutely dying on a pee. DH has pizza in the oven for me to look forward to tho.

God I'm so drunk I can't even remember the scorethrough thingymajig.

I'm not up to any crazy sex-capades tonight.. or for the next few nights it would seem. DH is feeling a little sore...

though on the cauliflower note... I'm not the biggest fan or cauliflower, but may have to give it a go. I'm already on wholewheat pastas not that I have pasta too often anymore. bread and potatoes are my weakness.. normally I go for wholewheat bread too but fresh white rolls straight from the bakery are too much for me to refuse!

fallen sounds like you had a good night!

I'm a sucker for bread too ain. I had done really well and cut it out almost completely but since the mc I'm back to a diet of toast and hot buttery baguettes!

fallen I'm jealous of ur drunkenness, I can't even enjoy drink anymore I haven't dine it in so long. plus my prosecco was corked

I think the pizza has sobered me up a bit. It was a leaving night, my favourite workmates got a new job so went out to bid her adieu and had a few too many. I don't drink often so it takes its toll when I do.

Not cool re prosecco lil! I'd be miffed.

I'm a bit of a fiend for potatoes and pasta but not bread so much.

Heading to bed. Night ain, lil :)

Bread. I love bread. In all forms. It is the devil, as it is usually the carrier for butter and jam.

Oh I love bread. Really love it. It's entirely responsible for my out of proportion arse and thighs. I'm like a flabbier Kim kardashian! Actually nothing like her apart from a massive arse.

We have a bit of a massive stash of toys/props. Like a bit of filth in this house. I do find that it's hard to just have a normal Tuesday night shag though, dp wants all the bells and whistles every time and sometimes I can't be arsed with a two hour marathon!

I'm pissed, maudlin and pissed. It's my sisters baby shower at the end of the month and I so wanted to be upduffed by then.

teejayem what is a we vibe? Tell us more. Obv could google but can't be bothered!

Also honey not on a js'ing theme but do hobby craft sell iron on letters do you know? Promise to talk about squirting and cm in next post not handicrafts!

Wowzers, I come back to some interesting reading here! We don't have any bells or whistles either - I can imagine the look on dhs face if he came home to find me in a sexy costume - bewilderment, followed by uncontrollable laughter!

but whatever works for others, and gets the parts where they need to be!

still af Ing here - in fact its so heavy this month in surprised that I haven't yet woken up to find the apartment surrounded by bears.

sounds like every one else is getting a lot,of action though!!!

Ps, bread is the best thing ever and j cannot comprehend why anyone wouldn't eat it!! (caeliacs aside obvs)

pretty sure bread is about half of my calorie intake!!!

Just I've had a similar conversation with my dh about the perfectly acceptable "quickie", cause I prefer short but effective!

Not sure about iron on letters. But I am sure then we'll fabric and hemming tape, so could make your own? Or look on Amazon etc instead.

I love handicrafts. It's what I do most days. My mission at the moment is a red book cover, a blanket and a pair of sandals for a newborn. I'm about half way through the blanket so best get a motor on!

*they sell

How on earth are you lot simultaneously talking about knitting and vibing??? Cd 3 here so still af. Quite frankly you lot are showing off about your escapades. I just want to dtd dammit!!

Isn't it the worst? How being on AF makes you horny? Cruel, mother nature, very cruel.

well I got some vanilla with hundreds and thousands when we went to bed, but the problem with hundreds and thousands is they look like you've made an effort but don't add to the flavour!

honey don't tell me about wool to buy! dh will kill me if I buy more, especially before we move! I've given up on trying to crochet, given my crochet squares for throw I'm doing to sil! I knit, she crochets. its a good balance!

dh would definitely squirm at a wevibe. its a vibrator that goes in you at the same time as him just

just realised I sandwiched hobicraft between sex!

I've just had a mooch and am intrigued. How big is it?? Not sure there's enough room for that and dh hahaha

Never mind just seen how much it it - no chance

Lil surely you are going to have a hobby room in the new house?! You're just buying stock, is all. I have a footstool full. It just about closes good thing wool is squishy This wool is £6 for 300g! 810m total. buy it (£3, 270m per ball, 3 for 2)

lol. bread, crafts and shagging sounds a great conversation to me!!!

We enjoy a good quickie too. It's not bells and whistles every time. Just every so often. I try to mix it all up a bit. DH would be happy with vanilla, but I like to chuck in a few extra flavours every now and then and he's not complaining. ;-)

I have a box room as my office / craft room / library. its not really big enough for all that so it's a little cluttered but I like it.

oh, and fallen hope you wake up without a sore head this morning. X

Morning shaggers!!! Glad the Fred's are back to their old randomness of conversations. Bread, cauliflower, hobby craft and we-vibes. Love it!

I'm off for my crazy cat gathering today. Wish me luck!

Oh and we had a lazy shag this morning and I didn't want the Big O finish. Weird.

Oh ain my head is thumping! And dh has booked Imax cinema for 2pm :/

Good luck jelly!