Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

I'm in Country! 35 days then 48. Meh. Like that there is a club though.

Get shagging lasses (so I can read tales of shagging, I haven't had it in a fortnight )

I think I can join the club. I'm still waiting for af to show her ugly face and I've been off bc since August. Sigh.

Feeling a little down again tonight. No reason really. Just tired and a bit fed up.

In other news I experienced one of the hazards of my job today. I got snotted on by a small child. Being coughed on or whatever happens quite a lot, but this was proper snot all on my hand and up my arm. Lovely. haha.

Oh, I forgot to say hello to the newbies. waves

jelly those forehead sticks do wonders for dh. he puts in his head and the sniffs it like a junky and it stops migraine in its tracks. he uses boots own cheaper version.

I'm in on team bonkers fanjo. CD 21 and not a hint of any type of cm. totally wtf here. can't believe its 3wks since my mc.

Lil! No! The makers of 4Head are a big employer round here. Naughty... Buy on brand! its a local brand for local people

Although it is essentially a distraction technique. You'd get the same results rubbing Vicks or tiger balm on your head. Or blistex lip balm. FWIW I use 4head. It's great, got it when I was preg as wanted to avoid painkillers.

Ga I just had sex and some very satisfying orgasms. Not hugely dramatic though. Was lurverly. Can't you just go for a ride down a bumpy road on your bike, what with your hair trigger clit?

Hi to all the newbies! Lovely to see you and welcome to the madness. We never temp lies, use opks massive great big fat fib or POAS early nose just grew so much it exploded but we try to be good JSers and shag lots total failure here have had sex twice in 22 weeks due to being upduffed and having ms, wind, swamp foof and many other reasons to say no

Sorry to all those with af. Wtf is the witch doing? She's not invited!

Aint did I read your post correctly? You came off BC in August and haven't had AF yet?? Have you been to the docs?

Morning all. No cape donning last night. Going to go for a record tonight though I think. I've got a first aid course this morning on CPR so that should be fun.

I can't join your crazy AF club :( mine are finally stabilising after all this time. I think I've got a 25-27 day cycle.

honey I'm due to ice on my bday this month, and I always get crampy lol!

I'm meeting up with some people off a pet forum tomorrow I'm fucking mad so if you never hear from me again it's because they all killed me and fed me to their cats.

ga two weeks?!? The fuck?!

Oh ain she still not come? :( did you go back to the docs? I really think you should try those progesterone tabs.

lil are your temps still high?

Lol Jelly I'm sure you won't die. if you do can I have your cats?

I am CD7 today. The boring time of the month. Still, time to start building up the jizz population of uterusville.

I've got two more cycles to get preg before my due date comes around. I'd like to be preg by then, even if its just a few days when I should be 40 weeks. Looking at it that way... 40 weeks is a bloody long time!

La has Mr La had any manual release at least?!

36.37 this morning and seems to be staying down now jelly I never temp what are you saying

honey I can't believe its been that long since your mc. time flies on here. I can't believe it's already 3wks since mine. feels a lifetime since the bfp though.

ain every day is a day closer to when AF will show up. you're working so hard and doing all the right things.

Bloody hell honey two cycles?? That's crazy, it's flown by :(

Glad your non temping temps have settled now lil

And yes honey you can have my cats. This first aid place smells like old people and toast.....

Hasn't it just? I get reminded a lot cause my bff was four weeks ahead and we just had her baby shower. Although she waited 18 months so can't be anything other than happy for her.

Still, I kind of see it as being that much closer to being given some help! Hope I don't need it though.

Jelly sounds fun! And yay for cats!

Gosh... You can tell Jelly is on a course.

Its all so quiet.... Its all so still...

Hello viroids. Guess who has had a scan and a normal uterus? This stoaty fucker, that's who.

So, um. How does trying again work?

Whoop! Congrats Stoat! How do you feel?

Get that cape on!!!

Stoat, that's great news. I've just had a very similar experience to yours, and I'm really pleased you've got the all-clear. I've got my 'check it's all gone scan' in 10 days.

Re trying again. Just do what you did the first time then keep your legs crossed love!

Oh Niff I'm so sorry. I had my check it's gone scan 10 days ago and it hadn't so it's been a stressful couple of weeks. Fingers crossed you get a quick all clear.

I felt elated at the hospital because I was so glad not to have to have an op. But I also just had a cry that pregnancy is over. It's very strange. I wonder if I will get pg again, I can't imagine it.

Haha sorry I've been absent lol!

Good news stoat! Get shagging!

What Ho Viroids!!

Tink calling following a period of absence and a nc How goes it?

I can't believe most of you are newbies - i've only been away for a few weeks! I hope you are all settling in well and flying the flag for shagging with zeal and gusto!

lil i'm so sorry that you've been through a mc Hopefully it wont be too long before you are pg again You too Stoat but grats on the empty womble, avoiding surgery is brilliant!

jelly honey whatever are you still doing here? its high time you got yourselves graduated!!

So, after 3 consecutive anovulatory cycles and zero help from the NHS I am officially icing for the first time in 2015!! . DH couldn't be less interested yes that is called rape i believe so i just had to share this momentous occasion with the only group of ladies in the world that will marvel at my litres of pant snot!

Ive been lurking on and off for a while but had nothing to add but the occasional grunt so thought I'd hold off until something good happened! And today is the day - not the BFP i hoped I'd be reporting back with. But nevertheless, a small win!

What a relief for you stoat shading works when you're ttc, or so I've heard But more seriously, take your time to Centre yourself again if you need to, you've been in limbo and it is okay to grieve your lost baby, even if you felt you had grieved already, it's different now it is over.

Oh I forgot about me. I'm 3dpo. I'm having some cramping on both sides, just very mild on and off. I'm trying not to read too much into it who am I kidding someone talk some sense into me!

Tink you beauty! Welcome back

So pleased to hear about the icing Just open the door naked when he gets home tonight, he will soon get the picture. If that fails, get his guard down with a blowjob, and if that fails tie him down and have your way with him it's for the greater good

tink!!!! Love the name change lol. Congrat-u-fucking-lations on icing. You tell that DH of yours to get his cock ready and you ride him woman!!

We've missed you!