Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Well it's CD1 for me (but not really as it's a withdrawal bleed) but going to keep count to see when real af arrives.

I'm curious to see what happens next week when my body realises I'm not continuing with my pill like usual.

Fingers crossed everything returns to normal fairly quickly after eight years on bcp.

Hi goodness!

Kudos for holding out yesterday just. How you feeling today?

yay for CD1 fallen :) gx your body returns to normal a lot faster than some peoples!

Started getting back ache and nausea inducing cramps a while ago. Its cooled down now, but those are text book signe of my body saying "period ahoy yarrr".

although i am super happy for them all as they are all truly wonderful people, it doesnt help that the last three pregnancy announcements amongst my friends have been two "first month of,trying" babies and one "we werent expecting This but totes happy" baby. Feeling sad that apparently we arent as fertile as the nile, like they are.

Morning ladies. I am at a car garage getting my tires done and realligned. Two front wheels approaching legal limit so needed doing.

Got new glasses yesterday. It's making me feel a bit sick to be honest. I can see perfectly but if i move my eyes quickly e.g. looking around me, i feel queasy. Going to persevere for a bit and try to get used to them.

I've been depressed in the past, as has DH. Both were before we met but at least we both know how it feels. I feel myself slip in to it now and then and try to shake myself out of it. You ladies have been invaluable in helping with that and i really value you all so much. Best group ever.

Been absolutely exhausted these last few days. Feel like I'm asleep standing up. Makes me grumpy!

Seeing lupus consultant in a few days. Although ttc is not his department i will still ask about it. My main Q is when can i seek help! I might be only 28 but combine my medical history and surely it's sooner. I hope. What kills me is my friend has some clomid left over. If only i didn't have a scientific background, I'd be stealing them right now. Sadly i know a bit too much about drug interactions etc to risk it. but should i? Steal them ninja stylee!

Welcome goodness!

Any other lurkers coming forward?! This group will be a better resource for you if you interact with us!

Sky thanks for info on hashimotos etc. Will raise with my consultant, as I am excessively tired still despite latest test saying normal level.

Goodness one friend has had two "first time try" babies in the time another friend has been trying for herfirst. Shit happens! And it feels like shit! Trust me... My much younger bil is having an accidental baby. Conceived after my miscarriage. They have chosen the exact same name as we would have. Which is the cherry on top of the shit-flavored cake. they also just moved in to wholly unsuitable accommodation, which confuses the fuck out of me But I'm dealing with it better now and I'd like to see them to say congratulations. Been almost a year since seeing bil and never met his dp.

But as this lot... I was a mess when it happened. Gradually, you get better at the fake smile, until it becomes genuine!

Af arrived today. I'm totally gutted. I'm never testing early again. I'm going to try and get positive about trying again tomorrow but today I'm wallowing in self pity

Af just turned up. Another person I know just announced an accidental pregnancy. Just upset as we did everything right this cycle. That egg could not have had any more ruddy jizz!!!!!

So sorry Just, Country .

Unfortunately providing jizz is not always enough. Otherwise this group wouldn't exist. Which sucks, big time.

Country see above rant on accidental pregnancies.

So sorry just and Country

Af Just arrived. Fucker. Thanks for all the messages to earlier poste - im on my phone and only hve wifi so sorry if i cant reply properly atm!

feeling well and truly shit.

ahhh shit just so sorry :( it's such a horrible feeling and is why i refuse to test until AF is late and I am AT LEAST 14DPO.

And sorry to hear the witch bitch got you too country.

Remember folks, keep shagging!

In other news, DP had a migraine today for the first time ever. The only thing he did different want take the 1000mg of vitamin C. Can this cause migraines?

Oh sorry goodness miss your post!

I make really bad freds :(

Oh what a shit day we're all having! My scan this morning confirmed I've miscarried, just a few clotty bits left up there. So DH and I just booked a holiday. Hah, take that life.

Oh niff im so sorry. You seem to ne taking a very positive attitude considering the circumstances, which Is really inspiring.

my app Is now telling me That my average cycle has gone down yet again. It used to be 28, then gradually went down to 26 and has now gone down to 25. Im a bit worried its going to Just keep going down nd down! Ive been off bc for YEARS do This cant be my cycle stabilising???

urgh.

does smoking really impact fertility? We are both lower end of healthy bmi, but i smoke about 8 a Day and my partner has a couple of drinks each night

No Jelly you don't! You are responsible for my BFP

to all of you today. What a shit time of it we're having. Niff like the thinking though; when life gives you lemons, book a week away! Where are you going?!

Can I jump in too? I tried the March bus but it moves too fast for me! I'm afraid I'm not a crazy stalker but I have read back through the thread to try to get to know you a bit. Sorry for those who are struggling with depression or miscarriage, and the glut of people who got af in the last few days.

I have a 19month old DD from previous JSing (under a different name, I'm a chronic name changer)
I'm on my first cycle, I think I'm 2dpo from temping and other illicit activities and hoping not to go crazy in the tww not much chance of that if I'm honest

sorry for all the afs, what a shit day!

goodness smoking definitely impacts significantly on fertility, so much so that the NHS won't fund fertility treatment until you are 6months cigarette free - both of you! so give up today!

caffeine also impacts as does alcohol so go with moderation.

jelly my dh does suffer migraines but has never had one brought on by vit c so I think its just a coincidence.

thanks lil i feel sorry for him, he's never had one before. I think it's stress related.

welcome totally :) so if I read it right you're an old timer js'er?? wow!

agree with lil goodness. Smoking, drug taking, even coffeine and booze, they can be so negative on your fertility. I have managed to cut my caffiene down to 1 or 2 cups of tea a day, I rarely drink and don't smoke. You will speak to people who smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish etc and who get upduffed easily but the fact is you're going to have to cut that stuff out once you get your BFP so why not start now :)

What a sad day with everybody getting af, fingers crossed for you nightandtheday...

I agree with lildottie that you have to give up smoking right now goodness, it will impact in your health tremendously and you;ll feel better afterwards

Welcome totallyanonymoususername!

Also sorry for not knowing how to make the usernames darker, I'm useless with computers.... :-(

muppet you just type the name with name either side :)

Thanks jelly :)

Sorry to hear of all the afs :(

niff a holiday sounds like a brilliant idea. My phone tried to autocorrect your name to muff which made me giggle. Does muff have naughty connotations universally or is it a regional thing?

no muff is pretty dirty here (although i'm in the south east so could be the same region)

Ok in That case i Will have to suit again and stick to it This time. I didnt want to stop now as i knew i would have to when pregnant, and when toute pregnant its easier as There Is actually a REASON You cant as opposed to "well i shouldnt do it but...". Obviously i would prefer to ne pregnant though so i wont even finish This pack. Its going to be very hard....