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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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Thread gallery
12
nightandthelight · 11/03/2015 13:13

Great news purple!

jellypi3 · 11/03/2015 15:35

urgh i have stomach cramps and wind today :(

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justtheonethen · 11/03/2015 16:19

purple great news!

ga that's hilarious, when is your scan?

Lemondrizzletwunt · 11/03/2015 16:29

Boo jelly I too am windypops, and it fucking stinks Blush

Fab news purple, am mainly lurking on grads fred still, so don't think I have yet congratulated you Flowers

Eeek! I have just dropped my pregnancy referral form off to the docs and the midwife will contact me to make my booking appointment. Shit just got real - strangers now know I am upduffed! I've been holding off doing it because I didn't want to jinx the pregnancy, but today I am officially later than I have ever been for a period, so I figure I may as well get it over with. Am also clinging to some miscarriage probabilities I found on spacefem, and today has dropped below 20% and is into the teens, so things are looking better all the time.

justtheonethen · 11/03/2015 17:06

Think positive lemon. How exciting, scary stuff though when it gets official.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 11/03/2015 17:23

Any news today just I so would've given in and tested again by now

gaggiagirl · 11/03/2015 17:50

I'm 10 weeks tomorrow. Still haven't been booked in by the midwife yet so my scan will be at some point in April.
Cunthawk owner might accept 'whats going on' when it bursts forth from my fanjo.
Even when I was 6wks he asked 'do you know whats happening yet then' same as two weeks ago dick splash! Still pregnant!.

Hobbit19 · 11/03/2015 17:58

Ha aaaaaaaa ga that's hilarious. Bad DH.

Just, you are strong for not testing, well done!

Purple, congrats!!

jellypi3 · 11/03/2015 18:15

Wow scary times lemon. You are all pregnant and such! ;)

ga that must suck. I would want to talk about it to him. Bloody men!!

Im really not feeling it this cycle. The feeling of total despair has come back for some reason today! Talk to sense into me viroids! I WILL get upduffed one day.

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Hobbit19 · 11/03/2015 18:18

You WILL woman! You are a shagging machine! I love that you are not bothered about temping this month, I think that is a good thing. Hooya to you! AndCake

justtheonethen · 11/03/2015 18:25

Wish i was strong, im just scared to see bfn! No af which is good, tmi but had a rummage and only creamy cm up there and normally would have something a bit pink by now.

I'm just not convinced though even though af should be here by now, feel like something is happening in there. Bit crampy but not like af yet. Also weirdly my chest looks super veiny, not really boobs but above iyswim.

Why is the waiting such torture? I keep swinging between being convinced im pg to totally sure im not.

Havent even been able to talk to dp about it as hes away for work with awful reception that cuts out every two secs!

ga my sister says her dh was the same, asked her constantly if she was sure!

justtheonethen · 11/03/2015 18:27

jelly repeat after me "i will get pregnant, i shag far too much not to"

You will get there, its torture wanting something so much i know

MyBlackCat · 11/03/2015 18:39

just I really hope you see that line when you next decide to test, can totally sympathise with being scared to see a BFN - test when you're ready

jellypi3 · 11/03/2015 20:03

Those are good signs just
:)

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jellypi3 · 12/03/2015 07:39

Morning viroids. How are you all?

just are you testing today?

I tempted today!!! Although I had a 6kg cat on my chest whilst doing it

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goodnessgraciousgouda · 12/03/2015 07:55

Ffs Just typed out a proper Nice intro then it gets lost in the voir of the internet!

stats### ttc first, 2nd cycle, 30 years old. Not using ovulation sticks or temping, but am using a shitty free app to track your periods, which ive been using for 9 months. Been off birth control for years.

af Is due tomorrow and think This month Is a bust as i was at a,sodding hen do over my best days. No symptoms at all. I cant even imagine any!!!

been lurking since november so Nice to finally stop hiding behind the curtains like a creepy stalker...

jellypi3 · 12/03/2015 07:58

Welcome goodness :) gx for tomorrow! We've had some surprising BFP's along the way when people were certain they were out :)

I'm loving all the new folk!

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goodnessgraciousgouda · 12/03/2015 08:04

Thanks jelly! I would love to do a kitten, but think its hugely unlikely!! Plus with the amount of wine ive been drinking This month on the hen do and various parties, if i was pregnant we might have to call the baby chardonnay!!

Niffertiti · 12/03/2015 08:16

Welcome goodness! You've reminded me I haven't introduced myself properly either, how rude! Stats:

Niffertiti (which my iPad tries to autocorrect to infertility...Confused I might have to change my name...)
33
No DCs
TTC #1 since June 2014. BFP Feb 2015, MC March 2015.

Onwards and upwards...

nightandthelight · 12/03/2015 08:24

Halfway through TWW and well and truly sick of it. Have been imagining symptoms everyday :( hello fellow newbies!

jellypi3 · 12/03/2015 09:03

hooyah to you night! remember, increased progesterone causes you to suffer pregnancy-like symptoms!

niff how long until you know for certain that the MC is over?

Also how are you stoat?

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nightandthelight · 12/03/2015 09:07

Thanks jelly desperately trying to manage my expectations. A little bit optimistic today as woke up in the night with stabbing pains that felt like they could be implantation and am absolutely wiped out by fatigue today. That's a symptom right? It's certainly not normal for me.

Dreamt that I had an implantation bleed so disappointed to wake up without one :(

Anyway enough about me, how is everyone?

lildottie · 12/03/2015 09:12

jelly its tough when you feel like it will never happen, but there are one of two potential outcomes - 1) you will get upduffed, 2) the wait will get easier (I promise). massive hooya from me, and an unmumsnetty hug too x

jellypi3 · 12/03/2015 09:27

thanks lil. I know you of all people must know how agonising the whole thing is. Trying to keep an optimistic head about it but a part of me can't be bothered right now because it feels like all our effort each month is going to waste. Not that we will give up. It just feels futile, but as you say, we will get there eventually even if it is two/three years down the line.

Dosed DP and myself up on 1000mg of Vit C today. Will see how this goes!

Night I honestly can't express how much it will kill you each month if you see every twince as implantation, or exhaustion as a symptom. I don't want this to sound mean, and I know some people out there will exclaim in delight and say "yes, you they are good signs!!!" but honestly, until AF is late, every symptom is not a symptom but a side affect. Just focus on not stressing over it because that WILL affect implantation.

My goal this month is for my LP to be 10 days! If I can reach that it will be in the realsm of normal (albeit the shorter end of normal). Come on body, let's bloody do this!

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nightandthelight · 12/03/2015 09:38

Thanks for the kick up the arse jelly I really need it! Will try my best to forget about it now till at least Wednesday (which is the earliest I can test) :)