Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

[jellypi3]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Oh no so sorry aurora :(

Morning viroids!

Jc I'm trying to remember if I had cramps with ib. The first time I definitely thought it was af because bleeding was enough for tampon and it felt like af, so perhaps there were cramps... I really hope it's not your af gx

Aur :( boo tell her she's an uninvited bitch!

Lil what's it to them??? I'd be tempted to say one bedroom each for the cats and one for dh when he snores! Wtf cycle is a bitch but stick it out - think my temps were all over the shop for 2 weeks then settled down.

How are you stoat?

Hi night waves nice to meet you!

Hooray for af pud!

Lil I missed your post. Tell them to fuck off, but politely so they still give you money. I don't like these new lending rules. Since buying my house the household income has gone up by £24k, but because some of it is from self employment it doesn't count and we're £2k under what we need to remortgage on dh's salary alone. To keep living in the house I already own. And I won't have been self employed for two years until June 16, and rather hope to have a kid by then, which I'm sure will mean we need to earn £200k more in their eyes.

Thanks La :)

I am truly horrified by your estate agents question Lil, the only thing that should matter to them is whether you can afford the payments. If so then how many rooms you need is absolutely none of their business! I would have told the fuckers that I regularly held orgy parties

Morning all!

Lil thanks for the advice. I am finding them much better now. DP found it funny that the big ones wouldn't fit until I told him his penis does....

I'm also shocked at the mortgage lenders. That's no way to treat a customer. If you want a 5 bedroom house then you get a 5 fucking bedroom house, if you can afford it then who gives a crap.

Sorry the witch got you to aur :( How's yours JC?

Lemon any symptoms yet?

DP and I got properly horny last night, why the fuck is the witch here!!!?!!!

aurora what a bitch!

Who's going to stop me for stick pissing now??!?

Ha ha yes night, or you could have told them that you wanted to create a red room of pain. And a blue one, and a yellow one and a green one!
Some estate agents are SO rude. We had one that was so bad I refused to be shown any more houses by him. Went I got to the office he would basically ignore me but when DH got there he would stand up and shake his hand!! The first house we looked at had a tiny kitchen and I said to DH that we would need a bigger one. Knob tent estate agent piped up and told me 'no, this size kitchen would be fine'. WTF did it have to do with him?!?!?

Hmm, I appear to have started my period. Cd28 so bang on time but only 10dpo today, as i iced late. Didn't notice until i wiped, which is unusual. Think i will wait for it to develop before thinking it's deffo her.

night, one it was mortgage co, not estate agents! I like the red room comeback!

la its gone down again today so gx cd17 its finally settling.

in the car on our road trip now. the joys of car travel!

Oh no aurora
honey that's exactly how mine was! Only a 10 day lp and I didn't know until I wiped. Then I definitely started to know about it! Was up in the night and couldn't sleep coz the pain was so bad, not had it like this in a long time! Loads of bleeding now so it's definitely AF

lil what's it to them! As long as you can afford it surely it doesn't matter what you buy.

I know it doesn't make it right viroids but the reason why they were asking is because the rules on lending has tightened in the last year. What they were probably concerned about is that they would lend to you then your joint income would decrease due to mat leave and you wouldn't be able to afford to make payments.

They're still assholes for it though. We were asked on several occasion about kids - we lied and said we didn't want them!

surely to not lend because we want kids is discrimination!

It is very much making the assumption that someone will stop working or go part time which often isn't the case anymore. Also shouldn't they realise that if you are planning kids then you will have worked out affordability and if they are unplanned then you wouldn't know to mention it?!

All it's tied up in what they call make sure it's affordable! They're only interested on figures written down on paper. Tis rubbish my brother and his other half had problems because they wouldn't count her mat pay as earnings. They found a lender who looked at the bigger picture in the end though

Country Who did they go through?

Yeah, i think it's AF Jc. Starting to hurt now. Yay. I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow!

I can't remember now :s. We actually went with a broker to fix ours up. Dh salary is quite bonus based so he helped work it all out. Santander are quite flexible and are better at lending out

How lovely honey think I'm going to spend the weekend eating crap and drinking myself to sleep! Really affected me this month Normally on Cd1 I can be rational and positive, start of a new cycle type thing but because I wasn't expecting it yet I feel like I've been cheated. I was fine when I knew what was going on, now I have no idea and I don't like it!! Rant rant rant today over here! Considering acupuncture.......

Yeah I'm with you JC. Wasn't due till Tuesday so took me by surprise.

That moment when you realise how sad your life is and how old you are - I got excited because I have hung the washing up outside for the first time this year - HELP. ME. PLEASE.

Yes cat!! I'm so thrilled we've just been able to mow the grass!!

:( sorry you ladies aren't having a great time of AF...i'll stop making freds in future lol

OMG Why have I not put washing on?!

Ok, washing in.

Our washing is hanging out in the garden too. I can see sunshine out the window. It's lovely.

Unfortunately, the doctor was not so lovely. She didn't help at all. She just looked in a book that said dreams are not a side effect of metformin, and told me to continue taking it. She also wouldn't do anything about AF not showing her face. Unfortunately I've seen this particular doctor twice now and both times she's not been very helpful. The other doctors I've seen at the surgery have been really nice. Note to self - avoid seeing her again! I have made a mental note of her name, and will try and see other doctors in future.

In other news though my weight has dropped a little again. I'm now lower than I was at any point in 2014 and a few pounds off of my next goal - which will be 10% of my highest body weight (which was August 2014). Shame I don't think I look or feel any different, but definitely a positive none the less!