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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Life's a bitch but we keep on shagging! We've stocked up on gin and pics of cats! If your Miroid can't give you the big "O" then LTB and come join us! 50 shade's got nothing on us! It's JS'ing 40!!!!!

999 replies

jellypi3 · 28/02/2015 21:31

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid 

Cat - Compulsory 

The link to Part 39 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2306410-Dont-let-your-clits-get-twitchy-and-do-anything-to-avoid-a-boil-in-the-bag-fanny-BFP-wholesale-van-rolling-in-to-deliver-to-all-the-viroids-no-superstition-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-39" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2309233-Well-crap-in-a-Jiffy-bag-Its-the-22nd-JS-Grads-thread" target="_blank">Here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
honeysucklejasmine · 05/03/2015 20:37

Yes! It's treacherous down there! Mind your step! Wink

Jcandy · 05/03/2015 20:52

Haha honey I'll get some signs!

CountryGal4 · 05/03/2015 21:16

Well need cones too !

Lemondrizzletwunt · 05/03/2015 21:24

Jelly how are the jam rags treating you now you've got a smaller size?

honeysucklejasmine · 05/03/2015 21:31

How big do you think my fanny is?! Shock I'm not bucket cunt Lemon! Wink One sign is quite enough, thank you.

Watching an old episode of One Born because i like to torture myself and there's a couple who totally belong on this thread. Shaggers!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 05/03/2015 21:46

Oooh honey which episode? I want to watch too!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 05/03/2015 21:47

Is it on tv now?

jellypi3 · 05/03/2015 22:19

Much better with the fanjo plugs now I've got a decent size thanks lemon. Even played football with one in and it was fine. Apparently my vaj can't cope with super sized lol

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 05/03/2015 22:37

Sorry Lemon, 4od. S6E5. Smile

Ainat266 · 05/03/2015 22:51

I have just had an interesting revelation. Apparently vivid dreams can be a side effect of the metformin. so all these weird dreams that are waking me up and stopping me sleeping properly could be that??

I never thought of it before as I do get really vivid dreams on occasion anyway. But they have definitely increased lately...

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 05/03/2015 23:42

jelly loving this "in charge" business.great idea! Welcome night

I had the thing out today! Home late though and looking at early mornings all weekend... Hoping DP gets feeling romantic. Weirdly, i had the bungee cord EWCM today, on day 17 of my 27 day cycle... Is that even possible? Or have I just willed a symptom to appear?

Sleep well shaggers and may your DP/DH's be perky in the mornin'

jellypi3 · 06/03/2015 07:50

Morning all!

The witch has upped her game today so I'm hoping the fanjo plugs can withstand the tide.

I'm really horny at the moment, fucking AF! Piss off!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 06/03/2015 07:52

Sky if you see ewcm, you must shag. It's the law.

Jelly i get that too. But no, just no. Think of the mess!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 06/03/2015 08:07

Jelly and Honey, it's nothing a towel and some vanish couldn't cope with Wink

jellypi3 · 06/03/2015 08:12

Shock I couldn't lemon. I just could face it. The mess, the thought of it...I also don't think DP could get it up if he thought about it.

OP posts:
nightandthelight · 06/03/2015 08:14

I too get horny during AF but I think DH would rather die than shag me then Blush
I am hornier then though than any other time of my cycle which just seems cruel!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 06/03/2015 08:22

DH is not fussy which makes sense really as he chose me and honestly, it all stays in, nothing comes out. Do it in the dark?! It also feels different, in a good way!

nightandthelight · 06/03/2015 08:24

I am not against it Lemon it's just DH. When it comes to AF he still behaves like a prepubescent boy Hmm

gaggiagirl · 06/03/2015 08:45

Morning viroids.
My chauffeur is taking me to Waitrose cos I'm famous now innit!.
I'm not at all dragging my carcass into work,honest.

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 06/03/2015 09:53

I agree with lemon it is no big deal. But then again I guess it would depend on a non squeamishDP. Mine was sleeping this morning. Poor man won't know what hit him tonight. I'm gonna Rick Roll him! Grin

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst · 06/03/2015 09:53

I agree with lemon it is no big deal. But then again I guess it would depend on a non squeamishDP. Mine was sleeping this morning. Poor man won't know what hit him tonight. I'm gonna Rick Roll him! Grin

Lemondrizzletwunt · 06/03/2015 10:00

Ga you're now in the Guardian!!! www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/05/mumsnet-james-bond-security-services-middle-aged-women

MyBlackCat · 06/03/2015 10:25

sky Rick Roll?? Am I missing something?

EWCM question viroids..

Today I am 2dpo according to contraband day before ovulation and day of ovulation I was swimming in ewcm - a good sign right? However today I am still seeing evidence of EWCM, is this possible? Did my contraband peak too early? Pun intended.

I know the advice will be to keep on shagging but not sure I will convince DH of this, I've already told him we are done and he can have a rest, coupled with the fact it is still school inspection week and he's knackered from the stress of that - grateful that he was as cooperative as he was earlier in the week to be honest.

Any advice or anyone experienced similar?

Lemondrizzletwunt · 06/03/2015 10:36

Hmmm....the line on the OPK means the surge is happening, not that icing is happening, and the surge happens anywhere between 12-48hrs before the egg is released. Personally I'd try and fit in one more spoony shag or one with you on top (i.e. where he does fuck all and loves it) and then you should have drowned the egg in sperm Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 06/03/2015 10:55

If anything the peak is an encouragement. Almost there! Few more shags. The contraband user in me says keep shagging until temp shows a sustained (3 day) rise. I totally didn't do it this month as we too lost the will. Next month i shall shift the timing of the shag fest.

Gaggia, you're my hero.