Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

ain your suffering is no less important than any of ours. I know on a small scale what its like to be in limbo, but I can't imagine how you're coping with all the uncertainty of the pcos on top of missing AF. you are strong, but even strong women can be sad. we're here for you however we can be. even if its just to share cat pics with you

lil thank you. how you can write that when you're going through what you are astounds me. you are one of the strongest people I've ever met.

your post has made me tear up.

dh has just rolled over in his sleep and has put his arm around me. I feel both comforted and safe yet also uncomfortable and want to push him away.. conflicting emotions.

Awww ain don't feel like your problems are less of a problem. We are all here to share this shit with each other. I know what it's like having no AF. I waited so fucking long and it was such a relief when it came back. It will happen I promise you.

Have you spoken to your doctor about the progesterone pills?

lil I think that was the case lol.

Temp was up again today so happier about that. 4DPO!

I second that ain, it's ok to feel sad sometimes. You've got a lot going on that you can't control and it's frustrating. I remember waiting for my af to come back after pill and it felt endless. Sending you

Lil I'm so glad you have some good friends you can speak to in RL. Hopefully the worst physical bit is over now. I know the mental bit is tough - starting ttc again. I do hope for both of you a positive result will follow. It will get easier with time I promise but don't be afraid you'll forget your little beans, they will stay with you.

Who is next for testing on here? How are you all getting on? Muddy how are you? Don't think I've seen you for a week or so is everything ok?

Noniks - how are you?

I'm 4dpo today too jelly

Oh and I bought that car! pick it up on Sunday!

We have some really strong viroids on here! I don't know how you do it but you're all amazing!

I've got a headache again today. It's now been going on every day for 4 weeks! I just want a rest I haven't been taking pain killers if I can help it, does anyone have any ideas what's best or other ways of getting rid of this?

jc paracetamol are fine to take I think. Don't suffer if you can avoid it.

yep paracetamol is fine, ibuprofen and other nsaids are a no no.

ain don't be sad for me. its another blip in the road, a mark on my journey. and I will be a better parent for all I've been through. I can't change what's happened to me, and I may well break down at some point when work pressure calms down, but I'll get through it. you will get ur AF back. you are doing all you can to help that happen, but you can't control the when. just stay focused and you'll get there. x

and yay on the car jc :) i do love that colour!

On another note, bonus's got paid today. I officially hate the tax man!

we all hate the tax man jelly

Cm s gone slightly creamy coloured but has a wee bit of stretch to it? Do we think pre or post ice. Thursday Friday sat last week it was like water

difficult to say country I normally get watery CM a few days before icing, but EWCM at really random times.

I don't think CM is the greatest way of telling when you are going to ice, but after icing my CM becomes really creamy, and just before AF it goes watery again! I've even had EWCM just before AF!

So temping is the best way then. I just really want to know when to expect af as last month got so stressful

lil you are a credit to yourself, 27 months of trying unsuccessfully to conceive, all the waiting for months between IVF appointments, the excitement and then the heartache of losing your much awaited beans, and you are still staying strong and focussing on the good points in your life. Being focussed and having that commitment is what it means to be a parent! You're going to be an awesome mum, and like you say, this long journey is part of that process.

i must say i do like temping country. I don't trust OPK's because I can never do them at the same time each day but at least with temping I have some level of control over it.

Stick with it, your cycles will regulate eventually. :)

Urgh wedding planning is driving me mad!

How much would you all pay for a DJ? I've been quoted £385 from 5:00pm - midnight.

To me that sounds good Jelly, but the question is how much are you prepared to pay?

well i budgeted £200 quid but i've never hired a DJ before so not sure if that's a good price.

I'm planning on getting cake and flowers from M&S, a dress from Flea-bay, and we are hiring a village hall for the reception. Budget wedding for the win!

Weirdly we had the discussion the other day about what we are going to do around August time. If we haven't got upduffed by then hopefully won't fucking happen then if we do get upduffed in August or September, we will be due pretty much around the wedding. DP being a scientist, he worked out in his the head the % chance of us having a due date or having the baby the day of the wedding (it was like 0.02% chance or something) but we said would we stop trying for a few months. We actually decided we want a baby more than me being able to get drunk at the wedding, so we are going to, quite literally, plough ahead!

thanks indigo

jelly I paid £250 for my DJ 7-12 though. do you need them from 5? what time u getting married?

no idea lil but DP wants them from 5:00 because he wants to start the party early...

mightbe cheaper from 7:00

5 is far too early. We got married at the rather early time of 12 30. Our band started at 7 30. You'd be very surprised at how long everything taken

Ok viroids, I think I need some help!

CD1 was 5th Feb.
Pos OPK on CD8 (13th) and lots of shagging around that point.
Started getting weird shabby right-ovary about 20th, which lasted 3 or so days and then went away for a bit.

Anyway, it has now come back with a vengeance, but is now a permanent ache/pain in my right-ovary area. It's mostly a dull pain, but it is constant and is beginning to distract me from work.

WTF is going on? I've not had this before. If you need to know:

Today is CD22.
My cycles are usually about 30/30+ days long.
Thought I iced previously on CD15 or so, and just had a slightly longer LP than most people.
POAS earlier, not unicorn. BFN. i know, slap me with a kipper

Could I really have iced around CD9???
Doesn't your LP stay the same, which would mean AF is late/due right now?
Has DH broken my ovary with all his man love?
Am I having some kind of ectopic pregnancy?
Am I going mad?

ANY HELP / HOOYAHS GRATEFULLY RECEIVED.

Lemon I would say it's more likely you iced around the 20th when you had the stabby pain tbh. THat would fit in with your icing around CD15 wouldn't it.

You're probably just getting post ov pains at the moment. If they are very painful, go to the doctor. If you did ice around CD8/9 then you would get a positive test by now, and an eptopic would be agony from what I have heard.

I would say depending on pain level, either go see a doctor or take some paracetomol and wait it out for a few more days. If you did ice on 20th then you are 6DPO,so you have a long way to go until testing just yet.

You never know, the pain you have right now could be implantation cramps. But I am NOT going to fuel the crazies.

Jelly we had the plain white sponge from m&s, with my bouquet added and some novelty figures it was perfect dh wouldn't let me make it dress wise keep an eye out for sales mine was new and still only cost £140 x

What the actual FUCK? I have just had masses of EWCM fall out of my fanjo! At 4DPO! I've literally never seen so much of the stuff. Unless it was jizz juice, but I had a nice long bath after DP broke me last night, and I thought I got most of it out!

Thanks mountain the cakes from M&S look lovely. Someone told me I need to buget £2000 for flowers. I told them to eff right off!