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Conception

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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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24
jellypi3 · 26/02/2015 20:11

It's just sharp stabby pains, really hurts ;( I pulled my groin at football a few weeks ago but it wasn't hurting before we shagged.

It basically feels like my right ovary is stabbing! Lol.

jellypi3 · 26/02/2015 20:12

Although we were doing a rather acrobatic position ;)

CountryGal4 · 26/02/2015 20:14

This is stronger than yest? Still negative lil??

Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)
auroraboringalis · 26/02/2015 20:16

jelly we may need some quick sketches to illustrate this position, so we can offer better opinions in whether or not that caused your pain.

jellypi3 · 26/02/2015 20:29

Haha I would but my drawing skills are terrible

auroraboringalis · 26/02/2015 20:31

No worries. Try. We won't judge much

CountryGal4 · 26/02/2015 20:35

aurora I fear you may be a massive... Perv :P

auroraboringalis · 26/02/2015 20:39

Who? Me? Never! Grin

jellypi3 · 26/02/2015 20:52

A hot bath will fix my fanjo!! I think (and TMI alert here) that because DP is so much taller than me, and we were trying to do a standing up-ish position, he jabbed something he shouldn't have!

Stoatystoat · 26/02/2015 21:03

lil I'm glad you have your silver lining, and that is indeed. I too think my body did good. The only people I have taken the 'at least you got pregnant' line fully from is from my IVFers because I know what it means to them. It's such a personal experience. This friend of mine is just the worst person to have said it for a lot of reasons I think.

Has your bleeding stopped lil? How long did you bleed in the end? I think we were at a similar stage so just wondering.

I've got to pack for a weekend away tonight, two gorgeous hotel rooms coming up and we are Wasting them. So frustrated I can't shag. No dirty weekend for this viroid.

Stoatystoat · 26/02/2015 21:04

jelly we also have a height difference and it's logistically challenging!

honeysucklejasmine · 26/02/2015 21:20

Evening ladies. Smile

Country I reckon that's still negative, but it is darker!

Has everyone had an ok day?

Stoatystoat · 26/02/2015 21:27

Went for a massage today, that was blissful. Need one daily at the moment.

Hobbit19 · 26/02/2015 21:29

Seriously though, why does standing up sex look so sexy/achievable in movies?!

Stoatystoat · 26/02/2015 21:35

And no one ends up shrieking 'urgh jizz slid all down my leg'

Hobbit19 · 26/02/2015 21:38

Ha ha ha, they don't have to do handstands afterwards either!

mountaingirl01 · 26/02/2015 21:39

DH and I have never managed standing up. Way more un-comfortable than it looks in films!

stoat I know this time is really tough, I remember going back to work and feeling bad that I was laughing at things again, what helped me was accepting that yes, I would always be sad that my baby died and I will never forget them. But for my sanity whilst, as lil said, remembering I will always be a mammy to that little bean, I had to accept that I was no longer pregnant and that harsh as it sounds, life does go on and you can be happy as well. I know I can only say that on the other side of what you are currently going through, but it saved me from the darkness.

Stoatystoat · 26/02/2015 21:43

Thank you town that's all true. I am happy life goes on in a way because after all, it's the fact a life didn't go on that is making me sad. And I want life to go on to the point that there will be life again inside me. But I definitely feel guilt.

I am really not wanting a drink on my birthday on Saturday. That's new.

jellypi3 · 26/02/2015 21:48

Aww stoat it's good you are feeling a bit better. Big hugs.

Standing sex is impossible. I actually think it's a giant lie made up by the movies. And it's resulted in me having fanjo pain.

Hobbit19 · 26/02/2015 22:07

You don't have to drink on your birthday Stoat , and you can spend all your extra calories on cake!

Stoatystoat · 26/02/2015 22:13

I know I don't. I actually think I'd cry knocking back my once beloved gin. Might be able to have a champagne.

MrsWatts · 26/02/2015 22:50

I wish there was a way to 'like' posts on here. So many have made me laugh this evening!

honeysucklejasmine · 26/02/2015 22:51

Champagne is good. It'll do! Smile

Ainat266 · 26/02/2015 23:59

sorry I've not really been here viroids.. I feel really pathetic for saying this (especially right now knowing what some of you are going through) but I just feel sad. I don't think it's ttc related. I poas this morning, bfn and really calm about that. No signs of af either really. I was hoping she would show her face. its now been two weeks since I had those really bad pains on my left side and other ov symptoms. maybe it wasn't ov after all!

We also have height issues...

lildottie · 27/02/2015 00:03

it looks almost as dark country but the thin-ness is a new one on me. I think just keep shagging and keep testing. you'll know it was pos once it goes neg!

stoat bleeding started Thursday night, hit spotting stage yesterday with not much to speak of today so not much longer than a normal af, just ridiculously more heavy for the first few days. life dies go on, and not focussing on the life you do have will only do you harm in the long run. you should be looking forward to the weekend away. whether you drink wine or water is irrelevant. you are alive, you have your life in front of you. what has happened to you is shit, but remember there will always be someone worse off than you.

jelly sounds to me like you have just been over extending yourself! Grin

had a lovely evening with some gf's, and one of there ohs (also my long teem friend). he's got a son from 3rd attempt at ivf and she had a mc a couple of yrs ago and has no kids. was nice to be able to chat to them knowing that from different angles they both understand how I feel. it feels so nice to have been able to laugh and be normal and forget ttc for an evening. and we've booked in dinner for a couple of weeks time too Si looking forward to that!