Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

honey
Pour some neat down your plugholes.
A capful into your softerner drawer with every load of washing.
Down the toilet neat.
Diluted to mop floors, clean skirting, surfaces etc.
On a cotton ball to shove inside your vacuum dust bin to make hoovering smell nice.
What flavour did you get?

Oooh sounds great! I got "bouquet".

my house needs some serious scrubbing, my cleaners are on holiday at the moment!!!!

DP and I had an arguement this morning because I have been knackered the past few days (bed by 9:00pm) and we haven't kept up with the shagging. He thinks I don't want a baby enough and that i need to put more effort in...Can someone tell him I'm the woman here!

jelly it just needs to be above cover line. trust the app!

thanks lil :) i'll tell DP that (he's stressing out because he think's i've not iced now and we haven't DTD in a few days).

Did you get your cape on last night?

Also, where's tink and pooch recently :(

Wow jelly! Maybe you should remind him that stress isn't helpful! I'm sure you can't help that you're tired. I'm the same, FF is now saying I iced on Monday but our last shag was Friday and Saturday. I felt shit on Sunday and Monday (still do) so just hoping the days before were enough

Yeah we shagged 3 times in the 2 days before icing but on the actual day of icing, so he's now stressing. I told him I'm sorry I'm tired, but we have done all we can this month considering I have now iced. We will wait and see what happens.

I feel sorry for him because he really wants us to get pg but he keeps questioning if I want it which is upsetting me!

3 times in the 2 days before icing is plenty. I only did it three times the entire month, and not on day of icing or even the day before IIRC. Tell him he needs to replenish his bollocks for a bit between shags!

and tell him his fellas live for 5-7 days inside you! jeez I thought it was only the viroids that got the crazys, not the miroids too yes I'm making a new jsers word

Miroids

Love it, miroids :D it need to go on the next freds title page!

Let fill this fred up soon, it's not been the luckiest of freds (sorry dulcet) so we need to nomanite a new grad or undergrad to do the next one :)

and i'll tell my miroid that lil. He's stressing way to much over it, which doesn't help me! I mean to have a cob on at me over this.......he even had a moan when i went out on Tuesday and had wine with lunch!

Men!!!

Still I iced on CD16, unlike last months CD18, which I am hoping means my LP will be 2 days longer (even one day would be a win). So I could go from 8 to 10 day LP this month! Winning!

quiet fred is quiet

Evening viroids

Forgot to mention how counselling went, it was fine. I've been seeing my counsellor off and on for years and went back on getting pregnant on account of my ishoos. So it's nice that I know her well. Her eyes were filling up. I'm going to go weekly for the foreseeable. I went for a spa day today, that was nice. Cried a lot yesterday on the way to the counsellor. Not so much today and I feel weird about that, I should be crying more. I am so sad. I'm dreading September. (Due month).

I am starting to go about my normal business a bit and I don't like it. I liked it when I was pregnant and everything was different. Maybe I moaned about it, I don't remember. It feels wrong getting on as normal. In some ways I know it's important to take life by the balls as my baby didn't get to. But in others it feels disrespectful. It's my birthday on Saturday. I don't want to drink, that was old stoat. Drinking means I'm not up duffed.

I am surprisingly ok about seeing babies and buggies. I am worried that won't last.

I got a gift voucher for Starbucks from a friend at work - lovely, I don't even know her that well. That perked me up. Took the edge off the card I received from a friend that said she had written 'every cloud has a silver lining' inside. I know I sound ungrateful, but I can't imagine saying that to someone at this stage.

stoat did you shove her silver lining up her arse? Ask her what your silver lining is since you haven't come across it yet.

WTF would the silver lining be in this situation?! Even though it is hard I think it is good that you are managing to get out about a bit, you are doing really well strong lady that you are.

Jelly you are a shagging queen, your miroid should be grateful! For me and Mr pud I think it is more important for us that we DTD when we feel like it, and not just to get upduffed, keeps it fun that way even if it takes longer. Missing the 'best' teacher pregnancy window has taken the pressure of a bit in a way which is good, as gas the world's longest cycle. We will get upduffed when we get upduffed and will enjoy the process along the way ? Not saying that should apply to you too Jelly but try not to put yourselves under too much pressure xx

my silver lining was the fact that for the first time in 27months trying I was pg. I may never meet my babies but I'm a mummy. noone can ever take that from me. and that to me, in my journey, is an achievement.

Oh we won't pud we try to make it fun but I think the stress is getting to him. He really wants it badly.

We just had a quick shag and I had a really sharp stabbing pain that started in my right ovary area and went all the way down my leg. It's not really hurting my groin area on the right.

Any ideas viroids. It happened just before the happy ending for me. Fuck sake.

jelly that reminds me of my burst fanjo before my bfp........

Ah the old "exploding fanjo'. A common medical complaint of the Viroid tribe.

Oops meant now really hurting my groin area.

And ga I'm only 3DPO. My fanjo is fine just my groin area. Fucking hurts.

Maybe you've broken your fanny from all the ruddy shagging jelly.

Maybe. I blame DP. Fucking miroid

country

Ha ha! Oh no a broken fanny, PMSL. Sorry Jelly we should not laugh at your misfortune! Maybe you strained your groin?! You should limber up before doing 'the wheelbarrow' or whatever ridiculous position you were doing it in!

jelly does it feel like your internals have exploded? Ovary pain or anything?
If not then yeah you've shagged your fanjo to burn out.