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Conception

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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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24
jellypi3 · 23/02/2015 19:11

haha we are going to SOTM again Wink. I will fucking surround my eggs with sperm if it kills me trying

Lemondrizzletwunt · 23/02/2015 19:18

Can eggs drown in sperm? Grin

MyBlackCat · 23/02/2015 19:44

CD7 here, absolutely nothing to report, no cm, nadda, nothing don't even poa opk for 2 more days exhausted after work, sometimes I think people forget that not everyone wants to work 24/7 - I would like a life outside of work too please

lildottie · 23/02/2015 19:49

for all you crazy cat ladies

Hobbit19 · 23/02/2015 20:06

Jelly you are my shagging hero, do you slosh about when you walk?! Smile

jellypi3 · 23/02/2015 20:11

Love it lil!!! :)

I hope drowning eggs is impossible lemon

Bit confused my end. I did an OPK last night and it was negative but getting close to pos. I did one this Evening and it was totally negative. No hint of a line.

Maybe I missed my surge. Only my temp will tell.

CountryGal4 · 23/02/2015 20:13

My osteo has just wriggled my pituitary glad to make sure my ovaries or awake :s

MyBlackCat · 23/02/2015 20:51

Ouch country that sounds painful - are they awake now?

CountryGal4 · 23/02/2015 20:58

Nah it's very gentle. Bit sore now and will be a grump tomorrow. Not sure getting weird twinges. That could be garlic bread related though haha

Hobbit19 · 23/02/2015 22:44

Why oh why does the wee always come out in different directions? Held my ROC carefully and then poceeded to PISS ALL OVER MY HAND. again. FFS! Going to purchase a ROC with a handle and do a test pee from now on. yes I have weed on lots of sticks, may need a hooya.

Ainat266 · 23/02/2015 22:46

just a short one I'm pretty tired..

I need a hooyah. symptom spotting again. I have lower back pain, feeling a little queasy, and have a headache. This morning I had cramps. and yet another weird dream last night. of course the aching could be related to the fact I spent part of my afternoon making a boat (out of a big cardboard box)...

Stoatystoat · 23/02/2015 22:52

HOOYAH BITCHES

You can wait. I've got yonks to go lol! Come on hooyah!

honeysucklejasmine · 23/02/2015 23:18

HOOYAH! Ladies! Get a grip! You may POAS only if you are detecting ovulation (but naughty because they are contraband) OR is the witch is late. Late!

Take your inspiration from the all time shag record holder, Jelly!

And Pud, I use an old mug in order to avoid such things.

Hobbit19 · 24/02/2015 06:24

The witch is late for me, (2 days late) but just think my cycles are meased up coming off the pill. Hmph.

Hobbit19 · 24/02/2015 06:58

Oh, and today I have all of the EWCM. Again. (Goes back to shagging, another TWW!)

honeysucklejasmine · 24/02/2015 07:38

Pud, you have permission to POAS! Wink

Temperature STILL not gone up! + OPKs on last two days, plenty of EWCM for last three days... Its now CD17 and i have iced on CD13 for last few cycles! Grr. i blame being in sync with Jelly, she's holding me back.

honeysucklejasmine · 24/02/2015 07:44

And tonnes more ewcm today! Angry

jellypi3 · 24/02/2015 07:50

Hey don't blame me! My temp spiked today! Although I'm once again not convinced because I once again have a cold and this time an ear ache to accompany it. FF hasn't confirmed icing yet but I'll see what tomorrow's temp is.

I had a very weird dream that I had "sex" with the curly haired women from Orange is the new black! I don't know whether to tell DP lol

honeysucklejasmine · 24/02/2015 08:07

Grrr! I dislike you strongly. Wink

Did you finish OITNB? If so, how much did you love the final scenes?

Stoatystoat · 24/02/2015 08:14

I feel like such a failure in life. I'm 35 on Saturday. What a birthday. I had crossed getting up duffed off my to do list finally. And now it's gone.

honeysucklejasmine · 24/02/2015 08:30

That's the worst tnijng about birthdays and new years. Makes you think back on your time. Why don't you write a list of all the things you have done up to now? You're in a relationship with a good job for starters! And you have met us lovely lot, that's an achievement! Wink Its absolutely great to have a do to list for the future, but that's what it is. A "to do" list, not a "make myself feel a failure because I've not done it yet list".

Stoatystoat · 24/02/2015 08:31

I hadn't even thought about it until I got pregnant. I have made achievements in life but they are all just bollocks compared to this dream

lildottie · 24/02/2015 08:37

stoat I'm 30 in April and in my life plan I had a 2ish yo by now and would be pg with no 2. not through lack of trying and beating myself up about it won't help. so hooya for you too!

honey I usually ov day after 2nd opk if I get more than one so maybe today is o day for you. get shagging.

as for those of you poah (pissing on a hand) ewww, I put the ROC right up to my skin so I can't miss whatever direction it goes. never poah and I have no handle!

lildottie · 24/02/2015 08:45

did my temp this morning and it seems right for pre ov so taking that to mean prog has left my system. and seems the bleeding has almost stopped as its into old blood today. slightly freaking about the first shag though

jellypi3 · 24/02/2015 08:47

:( sorry your finding it hard stoat.

Yes honey I finished it. It was amazing! I love the woman driving the truck!! Can't wait for season 3!!

And you can't not like me, we are cycle buddies Wink. I don't think I actually iced anyway, this earache could be an ear infection which would make my temps go up anyway. We will wait and see

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