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Conception

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Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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24
lildottie · 19/02/2015 23:00

you ol' slags, I can feel mine easily ;P

Ainat266 · 19/02/2015 23:18

I agree with what others have said about getting attached to you lovely viroids. I think of you guys as friends. Flowers

On the 'cup and run' note, I actually said that to DH yesterday after DTD. He found it pretty funny. Grin He did, errr, make a bigger mess than normal last night..

I have no idea about the whole cervix thing either...

Oh, Jelly thank you for the hooyah. I did POAS again today tut tut I know and it was definitely negative. Whatever I was staring at yesterday certainly didn't show itself today. But if I can take something positive from it, as you viroids have said, this craziness with moods and whatnot is hopefully a sign of everything returning to normal.

I am probably in the minority here, but I am SO NOT READY FOR FRIDAY!

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 23:38

ainat teacher yes? If so I'm gutted it's friday tomorrow as it means half term is over and i haven't even started all the work i need to do.

No idea about cervix, had a rummage before but not sure what i am feeling for....lil biology 101 needed, help us guru!

Ainat266 · 20/02/2015 00:52

Gold star for you just. Haha. I haven't really done any of my work either... I did do a little bit earlier today, but nowhere near beginning to even make a dent in my to do list... 5 weeks til Easter. Haha. I do love it really, but I need more time to get all the out of class stuff done. Primary or secondary? I'm primary.

Hobbit19 · 20/02/2015 06:18

Re: la cervix. If you put a finger up your foof the cervix is what you can feel right at the end. Sometimes you might not be able to feel it depending on your cycle.... and it feels different depending on where you are in your cycle. Ovia app has just added a function for cervical position tracking and the app has a really useful diagram, not sure how to copy it on to here though..

honeysucklejasmine · 20/02/2015 07:36

So yesterday, i would say my cervix was low. But also i wouldn't say it felt closed. I guess i need to compare it to another ocassion.

jellypi3 · 20/02/2015 07:55

Mine was high I guess, in the sense that I couldn't fucking find it!

Morning all. TGIF!!!!!!

I have such a busy weekend and all I want to do is sleep and shag also FF is predicting my fertile phase starts tomorrow with icing on Tuesday so need to jump DP as much as possible.

I've been having a weird feeling in my uterus area the past few days so I hope that's the ramp up to icing. I'm also covered in fucking spots again.

lildottie · 20/02/2015 08:18

morning all. the world fell out of my food overnight so going to phone clinic today and get the ok to stop meds. so I'm cd1 again!

CountryGal4 · 20/02/2015 08:25

My cervix is so soft today. Yest it was firm. Impending ovulation me thinks!

lildottie · 20/02/2015 08:43

oh yes cervix info. if you can't find it then consider it high! I can still feel mine when its high but its harder to reach. I struggled to tell if it was open or closed tbh.
and cut your nails and wash your hands well first!Wink

lildottie · 20/02/2015 09:35

dh and I have agreed we're going to celebrate our new house tonight by getting pissed on a bottle of prosecco Grin

CountryGal4 · 20/02/2015 09:38

Yes lil!!!

Jcandy · 20/02/2015 09:59

Well viroids, it's looks like I'm going to ice this weekend whilst dp and I are at my parents! Good job we have today off (it's our 2 year dateiversary). Not sure we'll get any shagging done at my parents though coz you can hear everything through all the walls!!

I'm pretty good at feeling my cervix but like you lil I struggle to tell if it's open or closed. Remember viroids the cervix naturally moves up and down during the day so make sure you feel for it at the same time each day or you'll get weirs results Smile

Jcandy · 20/02/2015 10:02

Love prosecco! Good choice lil Smile

I obviously meant weird not weirs, no idea what that is...

Hobbit19 · 20/02/2015 11:29

Hope you are okay after last night Lil, you are one strong lady. Xx Yey for prosecco Smile

jellypi3 · 20/02/2015 11:34

Urgh pay review day at work! I hate days like today.

lildottie · 20/02/2015 11:43

even if you get a pay rise jelly?
bleeding had all but stopped but I can feel the cramps starting again. just in time for me to go shopping with my mum. great.

I want to buy myself something, retail therapy and all that, but have no clue what to buy. money isn't an issue. suggestions below please!

and where are you all, I'm bored, I need you!

Stoatystoat · 20/02/2015 11:56

I am also contemplating retail therapy. Not sure what for though.

I've got to send DH to buy me a nightie for tomorrow. Fun!

My work have sent me flowers which is really kind of them. Another bunch from my ILs too.

Funny, at Christmas me and my siblings and nephew went to one of those lame pottery painting places we love and did a vase for my Dad (we live with him) with all our handprints on. I thought it was outdated pretty fast with me getting knocked up. It's never had flowers in it as it's massive and we've never had a big enough bunch. My Dad loves flowers. DH has used the vase for the first time, he didn't ask, it was his idea. I thought I would hate having flowers and it feels like my baby is able to say 'I Woz ere'. I hope my Dad likes them.

batfish · 20/02/2015 12:19

lil not sure how you would feel about this but what about a pair of little diamond earrings to remember your babies by? 1 for each?

Stoatystoat · 20/02/2015 12:21

That's nice.

I'm thinking of a bracelet or a locket to represent mine. Something with a heart.

Hobbit19 · 20/02/2015 12:50

Ah they sound like nice ideas having something to remember your babies by.

Also, buy some outrageously beautiful / ridiculous shoes, or something you wouldn't normally spend your money on. You both deserve it. Xx

Stoatystoat · 20/02/2015 12:52

I'm in London next weekend for my birthday and thinking of a topshop spree. Infact I was going to buy a gorgeous leather skirt before I got up duffed...

Hobbit19 · 20/02/2015 12:53

Lil, is there a chance the bleeding could start again? You may want to pad up for the shops. (Sorry if that's a little personal but from what I've heard it can be a bit stop-start)

Jelly , good luck with the pay review. The more you get paid now the more you will get on maternity leave, woop woop!

Off to the nursery slope to shoot a spoof stunt video with DH and parents, should be good for a giggle.

ChatEnOeuf · 20/02/2015 12:58

Briefly checking in to send some love to Lil and Stoaty, I'm so sorry you're going through this Wine &Thanks

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