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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 11/02/2015 21:30

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
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24
lildottie · 19/02/2015 18:04

country you may have missed the surge but I'd keep testing for a few days to be sure. are you temping? if so keep poas until app confirms ovulation with temps.

stoat I'm always being told by people they feel sorry for my future kids! don't worry we'll get there and we'll ve great mummy's!

jelly I'm honestly ok. slightly relieved its starting to happen so I can get on with it tbh. might phone clinic in the morning and see if I can get bloods done tomorrow instead.

CountryGal4 · 19/02/2015 18:06

I don't know jelly that's the problem after the pill I had two 28 day cycles and one 41 day :s I'm trying to use the opk s to pin down ice date so I don't have a hard time like last month

Think of you stoat and lil

Not sure if this will cheer anyone but yesterday's cup and run was a disaster. I had to shower :S

mountaingirl01 · 19/02/2015 18:10

Sorry I've been away for a bit viroids, the ED is bloody nuts at the moment! Epic post alert ...

stoat I'm so very sorry, this is a really awful time, made even worse by your healthcare being incredibly mis-managed. But you are strong, you will get through this. After my second mc, I was reading my Saturday paper, and this from Caitlin Moran really helped;

'Every time your heart gets broken, breathe deep - it grows bigger as it mends. Imagine each line of red scar tissue on it with pride...hearts tear to make great things. Don't be afraid' -- and she was talking about when she miscarried.

When it comes to managing this, however you choose is the right choice. My first mc was mmc and I had medical management, it helped a lot in being able to feel it was over with and I could move on. My second mc was natural and it was not as physically bad as some of the horror stories you can read about on the internet. Invest in the poshest, nicest pads, there is no reason why this should not be made as easy as possible.

lil likewise, every bit of love to you at the moment. I can't imagine how awful this is for you after everything that you have been through. The only positive I can find, is I remember you saying your dh's numbers were normal when you went to the clinic. Hold onto that, keep him taking the vitamins and you will get there. Lets see a wtf bfp. And yes, in my opinion, I think you should temp. I am also a control freak, and in this case I think you need as much info as you can gather.

country I'm afraid my sticks were all over the place when using cheapies, I didn't understand them at all. It was only when I started using the posh dual hormone ones (in collaboration with them) that I made any sense of what was going on. if it makes it any better, they were free as I was in a trial. Still a bad jser

jelly I am so holding out that you have finally got in your rhythm now!

mountaingirl01 · 19/02/2015 18:10

ps, you have all chatted whilst I was typing! lil what a wanker!

Stoatystoat · 19/02/2015 18:18

mountain I'd forgotten about that, think it might be in how to be a woman so I'm going to read that bit if it is, I have that book.

I'm going to get some pads tomorrow and some magazines and some pyjamas from primark that I can just bin.

CountryGal4 · 19/02/2015 18:20

I'm not temping lil. Thinking I need to start if I want a clearer picture. I'm still JSing. Eod like a good viroid. Just want to know when to expect af is all

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 18:49

lil you are so strong, you will get through this, think you should have walloped the delivery guy.

stoat great attitude, treat yourself kindly and come here and vent if you need to.

country you could have missed the surge so get shagging. but i use those and the cb dual ones v bad jser and my cheapo ones vary between faint lines/no line and then bam bold line at same time as cb says peak so it may be you have just drunk more water today iyswim.

CountryGal4 · 19/02/2015 18:55

Well dtd yes so am gonna have a break tonight. Or is that a bad idea?

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 19:27

country if you did miss the surge then last night should have been perfect timing. Keep testing though.

jellypi3 · 19/02/2015 19:37

Hey mountain :) hope your well

lil glad your coping ok. And you too stoat

CountryGal4 · 19/02/2015 20:01

Thanks for all the advice viroids. Your all so much help. I'm glad I have you filthy bitches :p. Is it sad that I'm starting to get quite attached to you all

jellypi3 · 19/02/2015 20:06

Who was it said they did a cup and run?? That's fucking hilarious.

DP and I have had a series of really lazy shags this week. It's been nice.

CountryGal4 · 19/02/2015 20:08

Me jelly. We have a downstairs bathroom. Dh just kept laughing at me basically hosing myself down in the shower

ZylaB · 19/02/2015 20:21

lil and stoat sending lots of strength your ways. Hope you're both getting lots of hugs.

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 21:13

Feel very attached to the viroids too. It's like having a whole load of friends but ones to chat about jizz and consistency of cm to!

Have just reversed car into a lamp post, cracked the lights and bumper.....dp might not put out tonight especially as it's the second time

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 21:14

How much jizz was there country?! Sounds like a porn finish!

Hobbit19 · 19/02/2015 21:15

Think I'm ovulating for the third time this cycle (as in this is the third time I think I have ovulated, not that it has actually happened 3 times), EWCM on cd10, dancing ovaries on CD21 and now on CD34 and my ovaries and twinging and my cervix is up by my armpits. Oh well, more shagging I guess!

jellypi3 · 19/02/2015 21:19

Haha just oh dear!!

lildottie · 19/02/2015 21:26

oh no just! shag him first tell him after?

one lol. that's a confusing cycle!

zyla thank you. planning on telling the witch to do one and get me a wtf cycle. I figure telling her where to go worked for you!

cramps are getting worse but its still not full flow yet. so frustrating!

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 21:36

Good plan lil, have parked so damage is hidden....as its only cd 7 maybe a mood softening bj is in order! I am such an idiot, so clumsy.

CountryGal4 · 19/02/2015 21:45

Hahahaha porn finish?!? Not that much. I think it just seems like loads when it's dripping down your leg bleurgh

justtheonethen · 19/02/2015 22:01

Thank god, had visions of you dripping head to toe!

jellypi3 · 19/02/2015 22:50

Yeh that is horrid when you get jizz seepage. I tried donning pants post shag last night but all it did was make the pants gross...

Baby making is so glamorous

honeysucklejasmine · 19/02/2015 22:52

Still no EWCM. Just went digging for it. Think i found my cervix but not sure. It was quite low. The vag seemed to extend beyond but my fingers are too short to keep going. Or is my cervix just droopy?! I've never felt it before. I imagine it (after rooting around) like a circular bit if tissue with a small depression in the middle which i take to be the actual cervix.

Lord, why don't they teach you this in school!

I have a copy of Mayes Midwifery (midwives bible, long story) I'm going to look it up.

jellypi3 · 19/02/2015 22:59

I wana hear the story now!!

And I have no idea re cervix. I've tried feeling for a it once or twice. I'm sure I can feel something there. But I have no idea what or how it's meant to feel.