Don't let your clits get twitchy and do anything to avoid a boil in the bag fanny. BFP wholesale van rolling in to deliver to all the viroids - no superstition, JUST SHAGGING! (Part 39)

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 38 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2292480-Jazz-up-your-ROC-Invoke-a-Wankban-Shake-your-Beaver-and-Find-Cupboard-Love-with-the-Just-Shagging-Viroids-Dont-forget-to-Cup-and-Run-its-JS-38?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2299801-JSing-Grads-turn-21-Weve-got-the-Key-to-the-door-cosy-wombles-and-a-drawer-of-dirty-spoons?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

I'm thinking about starting to temp, but it all seems very confusing. Also, I've got a terrible sleeping pattern, so I'm sure that'll effect it

rach i had 2 31day cycles straight off the pill and thought yay i've got regular cycles. then it went tits up so don't panic if you don't have perfect cycle next month.
If you are thinking about contraband read this free ebook. its by the people who do the FF app (which i love).

today I am mostly ok, but have no enthusiasm to do work. Having to force myself to stay at my desk and not go downstairs to watch last nights greys anatomy!

thanks for the heads up, lil

I don't blame you for not being motivated, but you're free to rant to us any time, any day

you deserve a bit of slack time lil! i don't think anyone will blame you!

I also bought Taking Charge Of Your Fertility Rachel that explains a lot about temping. To be honest, I found it a massive help in finding out if I was ovulating. I have decided I will temp for another 2 or 3 cycles, and if I ovulate each cycle I may stop for a while, but it is incredibly useful for seeing what happens to your body during your cycle :)

And i second using FF too!

Problem with being self employed though - noone else will do it and i'll have to deal with angry clients instead!

I can't decide whether to temp again when we start ttc again the old fashioned way whenever that may be
I've temped since my 7week af in my third cycle off pill and it's confirmed ovulation every cycle since then, although on a different day every cycle. I'd got to a point where i was ovulating cd18 or 20 (seems to alternate!) but i know this cp and the IVF are going to have played havoc with my body. i'm a self confessed control freak and I know i'd struggle not knowing exactly what day af is due which is my main reason for temping. i dunno what to do really. Considering temping but ditching the OPKs and CBFM. Actually i'm definitely not considering the CBFM, it didnt add anything to the OPKs at all so don't see the point. maybe i'll ebay it. (unless anyone here wants to buy it?!)

The CBFM has done me no good whatsoever, I agree with you on that lil.

I don't find temping too burdonsome, unlike OPK's etc where you have to pee at a certain time in the day and with the IC's you have to have a ROC which makes doing it in work difficult etc...so I quite like how temping is just a quick job in the morning and tells you so much (and can tell you if you are pg).

My issue with it is I know I will start stressing again when it comes to post ovulation, worrying about LP and other what-not's. I'm already starting to think "what if I don't get a temp rise this month, what if last month was a blip"...

I think I need to just shag lots and lots and not think about it like that will ever happen

I always stop temping after ov is confirmed jelly. if you are getting erratic temps try vaginally instead of orally. I've never bothered personally as although mine ate a bit up and down I still see a biphasic chart. and triphasic charts arent a sure sign of pg, nor do they occur in every pg chart.

that's interesting lil thanks. By up and down, I mean mine are ranging between 36.2 and 36.4 at the moment, so not sure if that's classed as "up and down"

lil, I think you should watch all of greys anatomy. And also Scandal.

Is FF a tracker? I am using Ovia, my only contraband so far (smug face). It seems okay to me.

Think I might getting cramps, AF due on Monday, boo. Was hoping to have some good news for us. Boo.

Still thinking of you Stoat xx

Ha Jelly that's normal for me! When mine were erratic they were shifting up and down a degree and a bit! These days i see that my pre-over temp is 36.2-36.4 and then 36.7-36.9 post ov. Not the same every day, but within those ranges.

cool glad it's not just me then honey. Mine are the same, with post ov last month being within a similar range :)

pud gx for it not being the witch!

Work is flipping stressing me out. Not conjusive to baby making!

I also hope I ice earlier this month! I don't wana another 8 day LP! How long after contraception do you stop thinking "Well i have only just come off depo..."

jelly those ranges sound fine to me. I had bigger jumps.
And as for 8 day LP, that doesnt make any difference when you ovulate. the time between ovulation and af doesn't change, although there is of course the exception of your cycle still settling down. So you could ov cd 12 and still have an 8day lp, giving you a 21 day cycle. Or you could ov cd16 and have a 14day lp and have a 31day cycle. I think you're aim for this cycle is ovulation whenever (dont stress if it doesnt happen by cd25! i ov cd14 one month then cd25 the very next month!!) and hope for at least a 9 day LP so that it is improvement.

one i would love to watch greys from the start again, but i have soooo many other things i want to watch!! never seen scandal though. will have to have a look for it.

yeah lil that's what i mean by an earlier ov, i'm hoping it means an extended LP but I know it doesn't guarantee it! I'm hopefuly this month it's 9 days, small steady steps!

Is anyone watching eastenders? I never watch it but for some reason I've got really sucked in to this "who killed some girl" story line

My temp is normally around the 34 Mark. This month however it's not gone below 35 and is between 35 and 38.5! No idea what's going on! Cd16 and due to ovulate any time now. Keeping up with eod shagging

I was doing so well today until the man bringing in our new washing machine made a comment about the drum size and added "you don't have kids yet". yeah thanks for that you knob head

What?! Stfu, delivery man!

spotting has started I'm surprisingly ok about it though.

I would like to hooyah that delivery man lil

I have booked in for medical management, I know it's going to be horrible but it just seems the least shit of these options I have. I have cried a lot today.

The Miscarriage Association are wonderful by the way.

:( big hugs lil. We are here if you need us.

jc 38.5?? Doesn't that indicate a fever?

Sorry x-post stoat. Hope you are ok and it all goes past quickly. Are you going to start trying again or have a break?

Does this mean anything. Yesterday's and today's. Today's is basically blank. Does this mean I've ovulated already? Or they're both shit and I haven't ovulated yet?

I hope try again.

It took me and DH a long time to get here - we weren't JSing for long but I'm what Grazia magazine (!) once termed 'emotionally infertile' - I have a chronic fear of childbirth (not so much now funnily enough, MMC put that right in perspective) and haven't wanted to subject another human being to me. But fuck it. I'm a good person. DH is a great person. I will give it a bloody good go. Maybe this little mite has paved the way for a new mindset. Here's hoping.

D'oh I meant 36.5! Sorry my brain is on a massive go slow.... I've also had a headache for the past 3 weeks. It was coming and going before but now it doesn't really go away, just a dull ache up to a sharp pain all the time! So glad I've got 4 days off work now!

Ahh good you aren't burning up then jc.

country I have no idea sorry. I've only ever got a positive OPK once. When are you due to ice?

stoat that's good, I think that new mindset sounds positive.

Thinking of you lil