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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Jazz up your ROC, Invoke a Wankban, Shake your Beaver and Find Cupboard Love with the Just Shagging Viroids! Don't forget to Cup and Run...it's JS 38!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 26/01/2015 17:40

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 37 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2282306-The-37th-Just-Shaggers-are-on-their-way-Watch-out-for-accidental-erections-and-bruising-injections-polish-your-perfect-ovaries-were-climbing-a-mountain-and-digging-deeply-to-get-our-BFPs?msgid=52150588#52150588" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2284897-20th-JSing-GRADS-thread-our-chats-still-filthy-just-not-in-front-of-the-baby" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
australopithecus · 10/02/2015 04:31

so much to catch up on! I can't even! Grin
Yayyayayayayayayay lil what awesome news! May the little beans irritate you endlessly with their demands for pocket money thirteen years from now!
CD7. Ewcm. Whatevs.
Shagging poetry 101, in honour of this fred----
There was a young outlaw named Hood
Who lived in a Nottingham wood.
He learnt how to fuck
From old friar Tuck
And made Marian whenever he could.

ChatEnOeuf · 10/02/2015 07:00

Ah Lil I just shed a little tear reading your stats/story...even though I knew what happened :)

Aus Grin. Excellent poetry.

I'm sending all the JS/Fred-writing luck in the world to the Caribbean for you Non, I'll be just around the corner from you (Barbados!) on Friday evening, can't wait!

And if you lot want another Fred like this one, you need to fill up by Thursday and give me some more excellent titular inspiration Grin Just don't tell the witch about your good luck charm, she has a habit of pissing on parades

OP posts:
CountryGal4 · 10/02/2015 07:28

Will be recreationally donning the cape tonight me thinks. Gonna have to jump dh though as he's in a right grump as he didn't sleep well last night

MyBlackCat · 10/02/2015 08:11

Not sure if I'll be allowed to stay of this Fred after reading rules

A perfect viroid...

  • shags every other day throughout her cycle, whenever the witch is not in town. FAIL is 4 of 6 fertile days ok?
  • only ever POAS if the witch is late CHECK
  • Commiserates with witch victims by recommending wine CHECK
  • is adventurous in the locations and methods she uses to seduce her dp in to using his awesome penis hoping to find inspiration here
  • will never turn down sex, even when ill, although mouth breathing is something you might need to do to get through it CHECK most of the time
  • will consider stealth shagging when required. (A stealth shag is any shag which occurs during the working day, in your home or pother suitable, legal, location.) DH and I work more than an hours drive away from each other - it's never going to happen
  • will participate in and encourage jizz based chat I'll do my best

Please can I stay? Have been ttc to 14 months now and this seems a fun relaxed place to be x

jellypi3 · 10/02/2015 08:18

Morning viroids!!!

We never kick anyone out cat. We all stick to those rules religiously not so please stay!

mazy I have been temping and OPK'ing because up until last cycle I wasn't convinced I was icing. I'll carry on for a few more cycles to check I am icing regularly (I'm still recovering from coming off BC a year ago!!).

daisy my personal best was 12 shags in 21 days. Gonna beat that this month!!

How are we all this morning! I'm still feeling a bit emosh after all the tension last night. CD 3 here, looking forward to the witch fucking off so I can jump DP!!

Noniks3 · 10/02/2015 08:20

Cheers Chat, this means I am already 2 weeks pregnant then! Wink

Good gal Country, join me in recreational shagging

My, as I'm now on the veterans board I say damn straight you can stay!

Jcandy · 10/02/2015 08:23

I'm still in a lovely mood this morning after all the excitement yesterday Smile cd7 for me so I think it might be time to let the shagging commence! Though dp was complaining this morning that he was really tired so might take quite a lot to get him in the mood!

lildottie · 10/02/2015 08:39

I just tried to give dh a hand job and he refused. good job I don't need his goods anymore!

jellypi3 · 10/02/2015 09:09

Lol what the hell lil? is he worried the bean might notice? ;) you need to break your shag ban soon surely!!!

jc don that cape and get shagging girl!!!

honeysucklejasmine · 10/02/2015 09:31

Lol Cat, it says the perfect viroid. No ones perfect! i get bored of shagging by the time i ice Grin

Lil WTF?! Odd Mr Lil. Maybe he doesn't want you to tire yourself out! Are you at work today?

diamondsparkles · 10/02/2015 09:37

Hi
Can I join?
I've been lurking for months, loving the chat on here. Was delighted to hear lil's BFP.
I followed buses for a bit but to be honest the AI chat scared the crap out of me!
I am a self confessed shagger, DH has been a very willing participant over the last 8 (God has it been that long??) months although sometimes accuses me of only wanting him for his jizz!!
I don my cape on a very regular basis but due to DH's shifts can't do as much as I'd like!!
You lot seem lovely and right up my street as can't be arsed with all the contraband bollcks - taking temp everyday WTF??!
Witch due next week and am fully expecting the old hag to turn up as the Cape wasn't on nearly as much as I'd have liked Shock

Jcandy · 10/02/2015 09:55

Welcome diamond Smile seems like you will fit in well here! Gx for next week, you never know!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 10/02/2015 09:57

Hi Diamond! (I think my 'situations vacant' post worked!)

Please come and join in Smile I've never actually looked at the buses threads, but may have to now there's all this Stepford talk of turkey basters!

MazyCrummy · 10/02/2015 10:00

Haha Diamond. I'm new too but welcome Smile
I totally agree about the bollocky fiddly contraband...shagging all the way for me. You're still inthis month until the witch pokes her haggy head round the door

jellypi3 · 10/02/2015 10:13

Hey Diamond :) Welcome to the filth!

I'll continue temping this month at least, and probably next month too, purely because I was to see if my LP is going to lengthen by itself.

Got the major shakes today, no idea. I've had breakfast and a hot drink but can't stop shaking.

CD3 is boring....hurry up ovulation!!

jellypi3 · 10/02/2015 10:13

Oh lemon be careful, they are a scary lot over there with their AI talk!

CountryGal4 · 10/02/2015 10:19

Obviously I will be JSing this cycle buuuut I'm considering -contraband- just so I can work out when I ice as my cycles gone so insane???

diamondsparkles · 10/02/2015 10:24

Hi jcandy, lemon and mazy!
Thank you for the lovely welcome
Yes your situations vacant line gave me a push to stop just lurking and join you crazy lot!!
Thabks for the Gx but I'm sure the vile old hag is on her way. Although the image of shutting the door firmly on her haggy old face fills me with joy!!
Yes the buses detail on AI made me read in horror too!!
Have a good feeling joining in and discussions of cape wearing antics will certainly help! Grin

Lemondrizzletwunt · 10/02/2015 10:43

Cant....stop....reading....help!!!

I was wrong to bring up the Stephen Fry debate here and it was very un-Christian of me to besmirch him for his views. Sorry, too, for the overshare post about my tribunal. I've been horribly lewd, too, in recent days, so apologies for that, too, if anyone was offended.

Good fucking grief! I know it's not nice of me to C+P another post...but we'll be having none of that apologising for being lewd here!!! And as for oversharing, we all know that's not possible after you've discussed the jizz/EWCM test Grin

honeysucklejasmine · 10/02/2015 10:44

Welcome Diamond! Glad you've stopped lurking, we don't bite, honest! DH gets very upset if teeth are involved

The cat is laying right in the middle of the bed. Right in the way! What a cow. I know i could just get up, but ... Nah.

Jelly I'm CD3 Smile I agree, it's really boring!

honeysucklejasmine · 10/02/2015 10:46

Lol Lemon, there's no such thing as TMI here! Can you imagine?! We'd never say anything!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 10/02/2015 10:50

honey are you still in bed? Me too!!

Lemondrizzletwunt · 10/02/2015 10:51

I am being a proper slattern today and eating chocolate fingers for breakfast

jellypi3 · 10/02/2015 10:53

fuck me honey we are good aren't we? like mirror cycles Wink

lemon it's just weird. I mean sure, I can understand people using AI when their partner is disabled or injured, or when science intervenes and makes a baby via IVF, but to do it because you're lazy....really???

And yes, no talk is off limits. Our chat has been surprisingly tame in recent weeks, we need to up it a bit. I mean I'm still dealing with the elevator scene from the shining in terms of AF, but when she fucks off I'm deffo donning my kinky cape!

As for lunch time shags, DP and I work in the same building, but it would take us 45 mins to get home and 45 to get back haha!

diamondsparkles · 10/02/2015 10:59

Hi honeysuckle - good to hear!!
I totally understand the cat on bed issue - we've got 3 and if they can find an awkward place to lie in they will! I very often find myself on an inch of bed as they stretch out!
So to introduce myself properly (should really be doing work but bollocks to that as this is way more fun!)
Age 37, 8 months trying to get upduffed with #2, have a DS who's nearly 3

Lol, glad tmi is not an issue Grin