Jazz up your ROC, Invoke a Wankban, Shake your Beaver and Find Cupboard Love with the Just Shagging Viroids! Don't forget to Cup and Run...it's JS 38!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 37 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2282306-The-37th-Just-Shaggers-are-on-their-way-Watch-out-for-accidental-erections-and-bruising-injections-polish-your-perfect-ovaries-were-climbing-a-mountain-and-digging-deeply-to-get-our-BFPs?msgid=52150588#52150588" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2284897-20th-JSing-GRADS-thread-our-chats-still-filthy-just-not-in-front-of-the-baby" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Lemon Yes! Getting up is for losers! No breakfast yet though.... Bacon is coming my way though! Bring it on!

Jelly we have cycles the same length too don't we? 25 ish days? Like all the cool kids.

My clit just twitched. Do i find regular cycles a turn on?!

I have two cats. Podgy black cat is currently on the bed and excessively fluffy cat is somewhere.... Prob on a window sill or kneading the faux fur blanket downstairs. Weirdos.

Aww I want to be home with my cats :( Instead i'm in work going mad at how dull today is!

Yeah roughly 25-28 day cycles for me honey so we are normally around the same time as each other (this month was 25, last month was 27, so still not stable enough imo).

Lol at random clit twinge. I am getting stabby side pains, if the wasn't here I would think I was icing!!!

I feel sick, and I'm sitting on the loo at work reading this and trying to summon the enthusiasm for the rest of the day. I might stay here all day but the ladies loos are fecking freezing.

Why do you feel sick mazy?

Don't know, Diamond. I don't feel pregnant, or tummy buggy. Think I'm just knackered after a busy half term, and a few nights of visits from DS3 breaking my sleep. Roll on Friday... Delayed honeymoon trip for just DH and I.

Oo where are you going mazy? DP and I are looking at where to go for our honeymoon (but if we are upduffed it'll be postponed until the year after).

AF is being kind today! Normally on CD3 i'm in the full swing of flow but today she's barely bothering me! I hope it's a sign of my cycles stabalising (also barely any cramps this time, which is nice!)

Hallo newbies! Throw something, quick!!! Anything. The bus-people have very useful info i their defense. Who knew opk sticks cost 10p a pop in amazon? Not me. also I run a rooftop gin terrace on the march bus for those still happy to drink and drive stick
So, cd7. Should I start shagging more vehemently? DP and I took a break after the shaggathon of cycle 0, and we now haven't done it for 9days!!!!!! Can I fit more exclamation marks in here? Quite possibly not!!!!!! Aaa-aaanyways, should we?

Hope you feel better soon mazy.
Exciting you've got your honeymoon trip though - yes where are you going?
Totally jealous of anyone going on hols as we are doing extension to the house so have to just look at tropical destinations on the Internet with no hope of going bloody anywhere for bloody ages

jelly if you and OH work in the same building surely you could find somewhere for a stealth shag at lunch?

Jelly, we're off to NY, DC and Boston. We got married just after Christmas but didn't have time for our honeymoon then before the new term. I can't wait

jelly best places for honeymoon are places where you won't have to fight your way through exciting but tiring fuckitbusystreets the whole time. Where you can wash the beach sand off your feet with warm water that you can also drink straight from the tap. I'd recommend places where the champagne is always cold because the electricity is always working, and restaurants have elf 'n safety certificates on the walls in the kitchen. And have a kitchen. Who wants food poisoning on their honeymoon?
In those places (score!) you'd also be upduffable if not yet upduffed, and if you are upduffed unlikely to have to worry about beanviroid too. Win-win.
not that I have anything against adventure holidays of course it's just I always wanted to go to somewhere fancy and civilized and way beyond my budget for my honeymoon (which we never went on because we were fuckpoor students) so have to live vicariously through YOU

Hello austral!!
Okay....... not very rock n roll here!!!
On subject of stealth shags I would love to but DH point blank refuses! Even though he wears a uniform to work and therefore it would also indulge my uniform fetish too - says I'm a perve

Thanks diamond. I think we might need an extension but I'm not thinking about it yet.

Not only do DH and I work in separate cities, but he works with minors and I work on a MOD secured site. Definitely no hope of lunch time shagging that doesn't require a helicopter, or that isn't either career or liberty limiting! Still, just the idea has distracted me enough to forget I feel poorly.

Mazy and Diamond whereabouts in the country are you?

Mazy, we decided to apply for the extension months ago when I was (foolishly) convinced I would be upduffed quickly. Ironic really, still if the JS doesn't work then I can at least lounge about in our newly extended house drinking vast amounts of wine and eating chocolate !!
Am loving the idea of a stealth shag involving a helicopter , it's taking up a level isn't it?! Makes my uniform fetish seem quite tame!

Lemon - I'm a staffordshire lass - although not born and bred here so still viewed as an outsider to some !

Water will have to do diamo!

Definitely no hope of lunch time shagging that doesn't require a helicopter,
If James Bond can do it..........?

Bold fail. Takes all the joy out of it doesn't it?

lemon can we be careful how we ask where people are in the country please :p

austra snap. Cd 6 here and we totally burnt ourself s out last cycle so it's been a while here too

Anyone got any ideas for a low key valentines day???

Oo your honey moon ideas sound great! We are thinking mauritias and maybe sri lanka? But it all costs lots of pennies!!

Aus get shagging woman! 9 days is unacceptable! Just grab DP/DH tonight, rip his trousers off and shove him in you! And what do you mean OPK's????????????? ofc we bloody knew about them, we just pretend we don't, I have a 50 pack in my drawer at home

I don't think we could stealth shag, my office is huge but there's never a quiet area, even the toilets are packed (think something like 1500 people in a 6 story building).

Country I don't understand?

car jelly?

I like to know where people are from too lemon (county Durham, land of the cunthawk)
Please can we add twitcy clit to the next Fred title? I laughed my back off honey

lemon I apologise my mind resides in the gutter today. You asked where she was in country - my name is country. Thought it sounded a wee bit rude hahah just me? I'll go back to work now