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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

The 37th Just Shaggers are on their way! Watch out for accidental erections and bruising injections, polish your perfect ovaries, we're climbing a mountain and digging deeply to get our BFPs!

999 replies

honeysucklejasmine · 14/01/2015 16:46

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like <strong>something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

The link to Part 36 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2263704-O-Come-all-ye-Viroids-joyful-and-triumphant-Deck-the-halls-with-Contraband-All-I-want-for-Christmas-is-a-BFP-Just-Shag-all-the-way-no36" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2272951-The-JS-Grads-turn-19-Were-cooking-and-popping-out-our-JSing-babies-with-style-co-ordinated-changing-bags-and-a-healthy-dose-of-humour" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome
OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
TinkerBlue · 23/01/2015 18:01

Evening Viroids,

Just to say ta ta for now! Off on hols - the lovely witch arrived so she's coming with me. I'll endeavour to take her all the way across the alps and keep her away from you lot!

Good luck to all of you pissers this weekend - noniks hoping to see a bfp from you next week when I get back Grin

honey lots of hugs for you and your bro - really hope things look up soon.

Keep shagging the rest of you.....

Noniks3 · 23/01/2015 18:08

Sorry viroids witch has just arrived Sad Was even starting to get my hopes up with crazy boobs & feeling a bit rough. Motherfucking bitch

Noniks3 · 23/01/2015 18:09

Have an amazing time Tink

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 18:40

Lesson ob went well thanks ladies. No AF yet but i broke and poas this morning, bfn. Never late but def feel shes on her way today. Not going to poas tomorrow as too depressing to get bfn. If af doesn't appear by sun morning ill do one then before i meet my v preg little sister and ruin my day with jealousy take it stoically if bfn again.

You don't think my less than a days bleed was stupidly early af do you?

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 18:41

Boo to witch tink nonik. Have a good holiday tink, drink all the wine!

RhiannonElward · 23/01/2015 18:52

Ooh Noniks that's a bloody shame, pun intended of course, but at least you can have a glass of wine or four to get over it. Back in the game for next month Smile once you've banished the hideous bitch.

Tink have a great holiday. Not jealous at all, honest!

Honey hope you're brother gets better very soon, it's especially worrying when they don't know what's wrong but hopefully the lp will give them something to go on. Fx for good news for you.

I am feeling a bit crampy, that'll be wind and those slightly out of date sausages I had for tea. I am not for one second suggesting that the cramps might be a symptom of implantation, it never once crossed my mind, believe me Wink

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 19:01

Cheer us all up rhi, what shagging costumes/scenarios are you creating tonight? Fx for implantation and not sausage farts!

mountaingirl01 · 23/01/2015 19:02

lurking tink see you up that mountain, I'm off to the Alps tomorrow too :) I'll be the one looking longingly at your wine!

jellypi3 · 23/01/2015 19:03

Oh no tink and noniks that's shit. Have a great holiday though tink. Lots of wine and cheese for you both.

RhiannonElward · 23/01/2015 19:17

just I'm still trying to think of a plan and dp is due home at half twelve. so far my best plan is to put a quilt on the living room floor and be naked on top of it except for some strategically placed haribo starmix. Any improvements always welcome ladies, I don't think it's my best idea yet.

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 19:21

I think thats a killer plan rhi! Love it, would try it but only have vimto popping candy in house which sounds a bit over stimulating!

honeysucklejasmine · 23/01/2015 19:27

Sorry for the arrival of the witch Tink and Noniks.

Have a great holibob Tink, even with the extra difficulties. Remember, don't eat yellow snow. (And try not to turn any of it red, either.) Wink

It is all majorly depressing, hospital wise. (Context: he previously spent 14 months in hospital.) They think this time it'll only be another week or so, as they have been pumping antibiotics and antivirals in to him since Tuesday. Apparently a lumbar is tested in lots of different ways so the results will start rolling in over the next few days. They are hoping it will confirm a disease which they are already treating him for, so it's more out of curiosity I guess. Still, pretty stressful all round, not least for him!

OP posts:
RhiannonElward · 23/01/2015 19:34

Oh dear God, you'd have scarring! That stuff is pretty intense.

I think Starmix are good, I nearly went for chocolate digestives, but they're a bit melty and, um, absorbent. It wouldn't be exciting if he was gagging on vagina-sodden cereals, it's just wrong.

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 19:34

honey how worrying, what a trying time for you all. Flowers for you

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 19:39

rhi no, just no! Maybe a naked sushi buffet!

kezaroo · 23/01/2015 19:42

Stupid witch has arrived. I give in. I can't be doing with this

honeysucklejasmine · 23/01/2015 19:45

HA! "vagina-sodden cereals" has got to be my new favourite phrase! Grin

Kez don't give in! Have a couple of days to curse at the unfairness of it all, but if you give in I can guarantee that you will not get pregnant. Keep at it, for as long as it takes. Smile

Thanks Just. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming

OP posts:
kezaroo · 23/01/2015 19:49

weve just got so much to think about at the minute, dtd isn't even happening (apart from last night... Which was the only time that cycle. Today the witch turned up.

It's all so shit!

RhiannonElward · 23/01/2015 19:53

just He's not keen on sushi, much more of a bacon and eggs kind of guy. I think I could make him a sausage sandwich and serve it off my naked self but it would be a shame to let either of us (the sandwich or me) go cold while waiting for one or the other. Also if he chose the sandwich first I might get violent, and it'd be a close run thing. Nah, I'll stick to the Haribo for now and take notes for a proper nudey picnic next week.

justtheonethen · 23/01/2015 19:57

Fried eggs over the boobs? Got chickens and would happily donate eggs for this worthy cause!

RhiannonElward · 23/01/2015 19:57

Aww kez it must be so frustrating for you but don't give up, plan for a better February. Spend a day or two treating yourself and then get focussed on next month's JS action. It will work out eventually Smile

gaggiagirl · 23/01/2015 20:05

Fuckin hell the witch has visited so many of you. Wine and cheese to you all.
I had a bastard salad for tea....cuntsalad.

jellypi3 · 23/01/2015 20:10

:( kez head up hun. It WILL happen for all of us. We all need a PMA transplant.

I've never tought of adding food to sex...sounds weird ?

kezaroo · 23/01/2015 20:30

My right nipple itches like fucking crazy right now.

Poochieblue · 23/01/2015 21:19

oohhhh kez my right one was itching the hell off last night!! drove me insane!

sorry about the witch for so many of you!! it's bastard wanking cuntbadgers And Foxes!!!

wine, soft cheese, pate, runny eggs and medium rare steak all round!!!!

have a fab hol tink and mountain

keep us updated honey! don't forget we're here for a moan/rant anytime x